The Blessing of Clouds

This morning the Lord woke me up early enough to see the sunrise. As the light began to creep into the sky, the shadow of clouds could be seen. Sometimes that does not bode well for a sunrise. However, today, as the sun hit the clouds, the light diffused, and the sky was covered with rich purples and pinks.

As I watched the magnificent display, I was reminded that white light that is invisible to us is made evident when the clouds diffuse the light into its elements. The clouds actually make it so we can see the light.

Often we use clouds as a metaphor to describe hard, sad, or troubled times. We consider them the things that hide the fun or joy of life. As Christians, we refer to them as the trials in life that “try to hide the sun (Son)”. If anything tries to distract us from Jesus or keep Him from being obvious as a huge mass of warm fuzzies, we declare that thing to be a cloud, and it is met with our contempt.

The clouds serve purposes, though. Clouds, for all the metaphorical misery, are blessings. Clouds have the ability to take invisible white light and show off its colors. In the same way, the trials and dark spots of life have the ability to show the various facets of God. In the hard places, the painful moments, and the crushing attacks, we find God to be a strong tower, loving Father, and mighty warrior. At various times circumstances accentuate His mercy, His love, His discipline, and His passion. Without them, He would become the sun in the desert--an aloof object so far away that it is primarily irrelevant and taken for granted, often times seen as cruel and overbearing in what it takes in relation to how little it appears to give. Isn’t that really what law without expression of love is? Overbearing? Cruel? Demanding? Destructive?

Presently, my backyard is starting to see the beginning rays of the day. The sun has risen above the clouds, and its rays are spilling into the neighborhood. The light is glorious. It always is. Sometimes the clouds remind me just how much.

All text and artwork Copyright © 2007 Jerri Phillips

I'm Smiling

I have three sick folk in my house. The coughing, sneezing, wheezing, and motion of the lovely folks manifesting the presently mentioned symptoms keep me up at night. And there is other stuff, both physical demands, emotional letdowns, and mental battles. It has made for a tiring week. I didn't realize how much so until someone asked me to do something for her that "would only take a few hours and won't be hard" and I started to cry.

All of us have days like that. Some folks aren't cry-ers, but they have days like that.

Today, my friend Michael, the one who is happy with growing older, sent me some thoughts on friendship. Today, I needed a friend, and his thoughts were exactly what I needed. Maybe they are what you need to, so I share...

"TrueFriendship"

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see the stone cold truth of our friendship.

When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry son of a gun who made you that way.
When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile -- I will know you finally got what you needed.
When you are scared -- I will be in shock, because I have never seen you scared. But, I will be there anyway, and I will probably be terrified.
When you are worried -- I will tell you stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
When you are confused -- I will use little words.
When you are sick -- Stay the heck away from me until you are well again. I don't want to catch whatever you have.
When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy behind. Then I will bend over and pick you up.

This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask?, "Because you are my friend".

Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

And remember....when life hands you lemons, get some tequila, beer, and salt and call me!
We all deserve a laugh with a friend!

Taking a Jaunt

All you moms have got to venture over to Jessica's site. She has a video up there that had me laughing so hard I had to listen to it more than once just to hear the whole thing. Then I had Rob listen to it, and he laughed, too. I think I've seen it before, but it is worth the 3 minutes to watch it again.

All About Me

My friend Jessica Dromgoole tagged me. The gig is to tell 8 things others don't know about you. I'm thinking if no one knows, there may be a reason...And I'm writer. I can't figure out what in the world there is to tell that hasn't been told, BUT I like these games, so I'm going to venture into the world of the unknown and see what I can rummage up that you might find interesting or at least oddly curious.

1. I like my name. I wasn't really named after my dad although he was Jerry first. My great aunt named me. Dad said, "She just had a knowing about her." I have since realized this "knowing" was a prophetic gift. When I was born, she asked if Dad had a name yet. He said no and asked if she did. She said my name is Jerri. Jerri means different things, but the one I found most often in my life is "mighty warrior". My middle name means "skilled archer". What cool names, huh?

2. When I was little, the way things worked fascinated me, so I would take things apart to figure out how they worked. If I couldn't get them to work after I put them back together, I buried them around the farm, mostly in an unvisited area of our 1+ acre yard. If anyone wandered around out there with a metal detector, my "efforts" would drive them crazy.

3. One of my favorite pets I ever had was a raccoon named Freddy. My dad found it, and there was no mom. We raised him on the bottle and had him for years. One night he got out and the wild instincts kicked back in. He attacked our chicken coop. Instead of killing him, my dad trapped him in a live trap, drove over two hours away and let him go in a wooded area.

4. I would rather walk in the rain without an umbrella than with one. Rob says that everyone knows that, but maybe he's wrong.

5. My mom and I made my wedding dress. I did all the beadwork by hand. my mom did the sewing. My wedding dress had 55 YARDS of ruffles on the skirt. My mom and I cut them with the satin laying from end to end in the altar area of our church, and she zigzagged heavy fishing wire into the bottom to make them wavey, and then sewed everyone one of those wonderful ruffles onto my skirt. Did I mention my mom rocks?

6. My favorite musical instrument is a cello.

7. Some things I want to do someday include Latin dance classes, coaching basketball, playing the cello, and acting on live stage.

8. I have performed twice in Times Square in New York with Project Dance. Each April they host a concert at the corner of 44th and Broadway, and from 9 am to 7 pm (with a break from 1-3 for the matinees in the area), they present the gospel of Christ through the performing arts. Last year it was a slew of magnificent dancers, a mime, and me. I interpret music using worship sign.

Now I get to tag...
Jan
Tonya
Jenny
Paula

No Weapon Formed Against Me Shall Prosper

Do you know we are in a war? Seriously. I’m not asking if you know there is a good and evil. I’m not asking if you believe in Heaven and Hell. I’m asking if you know there is an enemy whose desire is nothing less than your destruction and eternal damnation.

The Bible says the enemy goes about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. It also says his character, the very thing that drives him, is the desire to kill, steal, and destroy. I think most of us do not realize the ravenous appetite of destruction that drives the enemy. I think we underestimate his hatred. I think we underestimate his cunning. I think we underestimate his willingness to use anything as a weapon against us, including those we love and who love us most.

This is not the stuff of childhood nightmares. This is real, and you better believe you are a target for the enemy’s rage.

Now, let me ask you this: Do you know there is a God who has power over this enemy? Do you know that the greatest weapon the enemy has is death, and it was defeated 2000 years ago when a stone moved and Jesus walked out of a tomb after laying there dead three days? Do you know the same power that caused that heart to pump and that blood to flow after laying there cold and stiff for three days lives in you? Are you aware that the authority that allowed Christ to speak to the sick in body and mind and give healing has been given to you as His ambassador in this world? Do you know as a child of God reigning with Christ you have the same authorities over demons that Christ did? And do you know that the very God who released the power to raise Christ from the dead and was the Father Christ looked to as an example of everything He said and did has declared that no weapon formed against you shall prosper?

Do you understand that whatever the enemy throws at you God has already prepared victory for you? Let me put it this way:

NO WEAPON—NO PLAN OF THE ENEMY TO KILL, STEAL, OR DESTROY THE POWER OF LIFE THAT RESIDES WITHIN YOU AS A CHILD OF GOD—WILL PROSPER.

That is a promise from the book of Isaiah. If you believe Christ truly died to forgive your sins, you can have just as much faith that no weapon formed against you shall prosper.

Let me rephrase that. I, Jerri, know that my God sent His Son to die on a cross for me because He is the Giver of Life, and when I accepted Jesus into my heart, the Lord poured Life into it, and there is nothing the enemy can throw at me that will prosper or succeed against that Life. Jesus is my Way, my Truth, and my Life, and the enemy cannot destroy, steal, or kill that. My Jesus is rock solid, and Life reigns in me.

I bring this up because I’ve been seeing new weapons, and they caught me off guard. Praise the Lord for the Holy Spirit who leads me into all truth, reveals the plans of the enemy, and reminds me of my True identity. If it weren’t for Him, I’d be hiding in a hole right now, and I don’t know when I would come out. However, because God is faithful to reveal the Truth and set us free from any condemnation or shame that the enemy tries to heap on us, I can write you about the weapons used, why they can be effective, and why they won’t prosper.

The first new weapon hit me broadside yesterday morning. We had spent a few days at the beach and were enjoying our last morning in the sun when the enemy whispered, “You only make this trip once a year. You only have three to five more years when the children are going to want to do this. In fact, you probably have less because once they get close to their teens they won’t want to build castles, dig holes, and boogey board like they do now. All these sweet things you love to do will just be memories. Just think about it. Maybe a total of 24-30 more hours of this kind of joy with your children. That’s hardly more than a day. You have less than two days total of this kind of fun left before your children don’t care anymore, and it’s all in the past.”

Now, you are probably thinking, “Jer, that’s crazy. That is just gloom and doom and misery…Jer, it takes effort to be that dark.” If you are, YOU’RE RIGHT!!! It does, and that should be the first sign these are not my thoughts!

When those thoughts came to me, I was standing hip deep in some chilly water letting waves splash by me so my children could laugh and crash (if you have a boy, you know) on their boogey boards. I was laughing and loving the time with my family. My thoughts were, “Wow, God, you’ve done an incredible job of healing me so that I can stand out here and do nothing but watch them play while I fight shifting sand under my feet and absolutely love it. I love being with my children, and I love how much I enjoy them. You are amazing, and I thank you for giving my life to me. This is beyond anything I thought would ever happen.” I'm glorying in the healing and restoration of my heart and family when suddenly, it’s gloom, despair, and agony on me.

My thoughts were joy, gratitude, and life. Those thoughts that suddenly assailed me were death. Those were not my thoughts. Those thoughts were a weapon the enemy was using to destroy my joy and the life the Lord had given me in my spirit and heart.

At first, sadness washed over me. Then I thought, “I’ve wasted so much time. I’ve been so broken for so long, and I wasted so much time. I’ll never get it back, and now time is so short, and I don’t know if I can make a difference, and what if I have done so much damage I can’t fix it? What if the children really don’t want to be around me when they are older? I’ve squandered the time, and it’s gone.”

Again, those are NOT MY THOUGHTS. My thoughts were all about what God had done and is doing. My thoughts focused on God’s restoration and healing. My thoughts were focused on hope and a future. My thoughts were looking forward with excitement. How can thoughts change so quickly? BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT MINE!

Those thoughts were well targeted emotional missiles that were sent to bring me down mentally and spiritually. Those thoughts were sent to destroy my hope, steal my joy, and kill my faith. Those thoughts were death-based. Know how I know? Look at the focus. My past actions. My past brokenness. What was missing. My inability to fix things. Hopelessness. Damage and wounding in me and by me. Fear. Shame. Condemnation.

What might have looked like simple “negative thoughts” were actually weapons designed to exploit areas where the enemy had been successful at pulling me down in the past.

I admit when they first hit I was sent reeling for a moment. Then the Spirit said something simple, “No weapon formed against you shall prosper.” FREEDOM! I did not have to stay in that emotional mire any longer, and instead of expending a bunch of energy to “overcome”, I simply said, “Yeah, your right. The Lord already handled that.” When my emotions didn’t line up, I prayed, “Lord, the enemy threw death at me. I know it is a lie. I want to enjoy the Life you gave me. Please restore to me the joy I had before.” And He did.

Now, as you know, the enemy does not get rebuffed once and go home with his tail between his legs. He has to see if he can wear us down, and I had to declare several times that no weapon formed against me would prosper. I even said aloud, “I will not choose death. I choose Life, and I choose the joy the Lord has provided. I am bound to God and His heart for me, and I will walk in nothing less.” Sometimes I had to confess mentally wandering down the “someday” road, which is another weapon. God says to pray for today’s bread because anything beyond that is His domain, and we don’t need to be worrying about His domain. "Someday" only makes us anxious wondering if we are doing enough today. I had to confess entertaining the thoughts (i.e. playing with the enemy's missiles as though they were harmless toys) and ask forgiveness and get back in agreement with the Lord. He is faithful to forgive and restore, and we were back on track.

I have to confess that I was feeling pretty good about my victory when I went to bed last night. I had heard the Spirit. I had walked in the Spirit. I had taken thoughts captive. I had stood in my identity in the Lord. I won, and really, it wasn’t that hard, and I was sort of excited that the old weapons weren’t working so the enemy had to try something new. To me that meant I was growing, and that was exciting.

Then came this morning.

The enemy didn’t come with a weapon. He came with an entire platoon. I’ve been overcoming an impacted sinus infection for a week. The medicines I’m on are attacking the infection and allowing the gunk to drain but have the effects of legalized Speed. I have been sleeping 3-5 hours each night, and that has been in increments. Today the stuff in my head is really breaking up and draining, so my ears ache. My throat is sore. I am nauseated and dizzy, and the room spins a lot. Between the fatigue and the meds, to say my thinking is fuzzy would be an understatement. To say my temperament was lagging also would be an understatement.

Unfortunately, I thought too highly of my spiritual victories, and after overreacting to a few things, I decided the family was better off with my trying to get less done, so I tried to find a place where I was accessible but not obstructive.

At one point, I was just sitting trying to read and keep the information in my brain long enough to remember the last statement my eyes had followed when Anna asked, “So, Mom, how is your day going?”

“I’m having a great day.”

Anna sighed and said, “I’m sorry, Mom. I just had an ugly thought, and I’m sorry. I just thought, ‘Please don’t say you’re stressed like you always do.’”

This is what happened in the next few seconds:

I looked at my beautiful daughter who was clearly second guessing the wisdom in her confession.

The Holy Spirit said, “No weapon formed against you shall prosper.”

The enemy said, “See, you are such a crappy mom. Your daughter is afraid for you to talk to her. She is afraid to even ask how your day is. Do you see what you’ve done? You’ve taught your children to dread asking how you are. Their hearts are hard against you, and you know all the ways they’ll try to find love and acceptance and someone who won’t be stressed. You’ve condemned them to a life of seeking what you failed to give them, and they’ll look in all the wrong places. They are wounded, and it’s all your fault. You are just like your dad, and they’ll be just like you.”

My spirit rose up and raised my sword and shield and looked the enemy in the eye and said, “I have a new name, and I won’t walk in your shame and condemnation any more. I will glory in the healing and deliverance of my God.”

I said calmly to Anna, “Anna, have I answered that way lately? Have I been stressed lately?” She shook her head. I continued, “Anna, I used to be that way, but just like God is doing a work in you, He is doing a work in me, too, and I am not the high strung person I used to be, and I’m not stressed. I need to go to bed and get well, but I’m not stressed. I’m blessed, and I am thankful to be your mom.”

Now, I could go on for a few pages and tell you the truths of my past. I was high strung. I was so busy trying to be the perfect mom and perfect wife and perfect person that I didn’t enjoy any of it, but the Lord has set me free from that. I enjoy being a mom. I enjoy being a wife. I’m excited about who I am and what my life has in it. I’m excited about where I am going. Yes, time passed while I was broken, but God holds time in His hand, and He can do what He needs to with it. The enemy tries to steal the Life the Lord has planned for us and placed in us, but no weapon—not past brokenness, not today’s illness—will prosper against the purposes of the Lord in my life or the lives of my children.

I love how the Amplified puts it:
17 But no weapon that is formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgment you shall show to be in the wrong. This [peace, righteousness, security, triumph over opposition] is the heritage of the servants of the Lord [those in whom the ideal Servant of the Lord is reproduced]; this is the righteousness or the vindication which they obtain from Me [this is that which I impart to them as their justification], says the Lord. – Isaiah 54

Every tongue that rises against me in judgment. The tongue of the Accuser. The tongues spewing half-truths or misinterpreted information. Any tongue that wants to steal, kill, or destroy the Truth about me or in me.

This peace, security, and triumph over opposition is my heritage because I responded to God’s love by acknowledging Christ as my Savior, and Christ is being replicated in me. Everything He had and was is being replicated in me.

And all of this is a gift from my Heavenly Father. It is His work and His impartation. He has declared it to be so, and therefore it is.

And so, I am going to bed having battled through the day, knowing the enemy will be ready to attack again tomorrow. The weapons will look different, and I might take some hits, but despite knowing that, I am so peaceful because I know my God. I know His character. I know His promises, and I know no weapon formed against me will prosper.

copyright Jerri Phillips @ 2007

Any Soldier

At Jan's suggestion, I am going to share with you about my family's choice to "adopt" and support a soldier and her unit in Iraq. I've hesitated to talk about this much because of several reasons, but Jan suggested that talking about it might demonstrate how truly easy and so greatly appreciated it is, so here is our story.

Last April, we adopted a unit of soldiers that are actively serving in Iraq. Let me explain what I mean by that. We made the choice to pick a unit that we committed to supporting for as long as they were deployed. I went on the Any Soldier site and looked through their huge database of soldiers to find one we felt we could support.

How I Picked
First, I prayed. I’m not trying to sound religious. I’m telling you the truth. I wanted a unit we could make a difference with, one that would be blessed by our family and would appreciate our style of support. I knew the children were going to draw pictures, and we would send souvenirs from trips, and I wanted the Lord to bless someone with those and not give them to someone who would think they were goofy.

Second, I knew I would be the primary contact on behalf of our family, so I decided to find a female soldier in a troop with other females. I thought I could figure out what they might like more than I might could a male. So I looked up troops based on number of females. Next, I narrowed my search by determining the size of troop we could support. We cannot support 50 or 100 people, but we could support 10-15.

The next round of requirements was quirky. “Lord, show me something that means something to me.” I found PFC Kathryn Muller. Kathryn means grace. It was going to be the name of our second daughter if we had one. Muller is the last name of a friend of mine from high school who was a highlight of the last years of my dad’s life. My friend had indeed graced us in his love for and friendship with my dad, and the name connected to me emotionally. As it turned out, her unit had 10 women and 10 men. I decided we could do that, and I requested her address.

Our Commitment
I had to consider what we were willing to commit to in this endeavor. I decided we would send a letter each week and a package once a month. The package would include something for all of them. Some weeks I write more, and some months we send more, but that was the minimum I wanted to do. Let me reiterate, this is our chosen level of commitment. If you choose to support a soldier, it can be a one time letter, card, or package. ALL support means so much to them. Don’t let what a person or group does determine what you do. You do what God leads you to do.

The Letters
As I said, I committed to writing weekly. I often get asked what I write about. Anything. Everything.

I’ve written about:
My dad
The children’s diving classes
My photos being published in Studio G
The zit under my nose that hurts every time I blow my nose (okay, I haven’t written about that, but I might if it isn’t gone before I write again)
The spider web at Lake Tawakoni
Fred
Playing in the sprinkler on the trampoline
The rain (that gave me LOTS to write about this year)
Mowing the yard
That I like to iron
School
The Water Gardens in Fort Worth
Ways God blesses me daily
A Day in the Life of a Domestic Diva (and, yes, I did mean me)—that was fun. I told them about scrubbing toilets, the fact that I prefer green cleaning things, the fact that my bathmat stuck to the floor and I had to hand scrub the tile to get the sticky off
Being up with Robert when he had respiratory problems
Pink Impact
Tadpoles
The peach tree collapse
Making peach preserves and the 3 hours it took to peel the peaches, and when we thought we were done, my mom and stepdad gave us more.

I’m not trying to be obnoxiously long here. I just want you to realize that my letters are as basic as our life is. I share the ups and downs. Things that seem horribly mundane to us are connections to home for them. To give you an idea of how much these simple letters mean, I got an email from PFC Muller, and she said:

“Jerri, we appreciate the packages, but it’s your letters. We love them. We put them on the board so people can read them when they come by and have time. It’s our connection to home, and I cannot tell you what they mean to us. Even the mundane to you is precious to us. Even if you can’t send packages, please keep sending the letters. And we love the papers the children send. Tell them to send all they want. You are our family, and we love you.”

Being the photographer that I am, I splatter the pages with pictures. Tonight I finished a 12 page letter (I’m like the marathon letter writer. 12 pages, and I haven’t even hit my 2nd wind. If you just drop a card in the mail that says, “I’m praying for you,” it’ll be just as good. The key is getting something in the mail). I put in a huge amount of pictures. The text was maybe half of the letter. The rest was the pictures that go with our stories. Pictures of home are precious to our soldiers. It keeps them in contact and grounded emotionally. That brings up another thought….

Pictures
The pictures I put in my letters vary as much as the content. I have put in pictures of:
Spiders
a snake
peaches
waterfalls
Robert’s feet splashing in a water puddle
Ducks
Caterpillars
Webs of webworms
The rain

Whatever was on my camera at the moment. I have even found pictures from last winter about the ice storm we had and told the story about it just because I know it is special to them. (Plus, when you are in 110-120 degree heat, pictures of snow and ice might be a mental boost.) During the spring the children and I walked around the neighborhood with all of our cameras snapping pictures of any kind of flower that had the boldness to show its petals, and we sent the pictures over so the unit could have Spring in Iraq.

Pictures are not required, but if you want to stick them in, they are really appreciated.

Care Packages
There are some legal rules on care packages, and some common sense ones, too, but mostly, if you want to send it, they would like to get it. Things we’ve sent:
Beach balls
Beef jerky
Flip flops (you can imagine what the cashier thought when we bought 12 pair of large women’s flips flops and 12 pair of large men’s flips flops, but it probably wasn’t nearly as interesting as those folks walking by us while we had them all laid out on the floor trying to make sure no two pair of flips flops were exactly alike)
Fingernail polish
Cliff Bars
Body washes
Loofa puffs
Baby powder (sweating can cause chaffing. Baby powder helps)
Odor absorbers (the men’s barracks evidently smells similar to a junior high boys’ locker room. Well, it did before the odor absorbers)
Soap ( scented for the ladies, plain for the gentlemen)
Body Wash
One soldier got water guns from someone, and he raved about them.
Another soldier told how he loved envelopes from one particular family because they always had packets of Kool Aid in them.

When we send something over, we always try to include hard candy and gum. Chocolate melts in the heat right now, but the sugar boost from hard candy and gum can be really good on hot missions.

We also send lots of magazines. One day I was at our dentist’s office, and I asked what they were going to do with their magazines. Toss them. I explained about our soldiers and asked if I could have the magazines to send to Iraq. The first month or two, we had 8-10 magazines. Now all the employees save their magazines, and we have two full boxes each month, so we send the candy and gum in another box.

Another big question is how do we send the packages. The post office has free “one rate” boxes. They are perfect. In one shipment of 3 boxes, we saved over $30 in shipping by using the one rate boxes. Plus, the sizes are perfect. You need to fill out a customs form, but that takes only a few minutes. It is suggested that you not send homemade food because the soldiers are told not to eat it because no one really knows who you are. That is a small limitation though.

We added a little humor to our boxes. We took 23 Texas postcards, and we put a different joke or riddle on each one. Each person got to pick a post card. That gave everyone 23 new jokes to tell and laugh about.

Jan sent a birthday card, and as it turned out, there were 4 people with a birthday, and they all shared the card.

And several of our ideas came from reading other soldiers’ posts and seeing what they needed, so if you want ideas, just peruse the postings.

What It Isn’t
This isn’t a penpal deal. I’ve written PFC Muller every week since April. Due to her unit’s geographic position, I only receive emails every 6-10 weeks, and they are only a paragraph long to let me know they are safe and comment on a few things from the letters. The reality is you may never have a response from the soldier you support, but you can either accept that and continue support OR choose a different soldier.

What It All Comes Down To
There are no “rules” for supporting a soldier through Any Soldier. Even if you don’t want to send letters or packages, reading the profiles give you an idea of how to pray, and you’ll see that many of them will tell you prayer is the greatest thing we can give them.

I will gladly answer any questions I can if you email me or leave a comment, but I have to go right now, though, because I finished a letter to PFC Muller before starting this. There were so many pictures that my computer and printer nearly wigged out while transferring the data. It’s done printing now, though, and I need to get it ready for the mail tomorrow.

The only other thing I can tell you is our family has been so blessed by the chance to support these people who are fighting this war. I thank God we have the chance to do that, and for whatever we give, we believe we've gotten it all back and then some.

Blessings...

Getting Older

This week I received an email from my very precious friend Michael, and while it was special to me because I know him, I believed the words he wrote were more than just nice thoughts to friends. I felt like they were words of freedom, self-acceptance, and revelation that people needed to hear, so I asked if I could post them here. He generously agreed. May the Lord speak what He will to your hearts through the words Michael penned.

Getting Older

When asked how I felt about being old, I was taken aback. I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, my student was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question. I would ponder it, and let her know.

Old Age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the places that sag. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my father!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly plaster wolf that I didn't need, but looks so great on my sheep skin in the livingroom . I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect and better yet, being loved.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray and falling out. Even to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. Even shaving my head this summer was a surprise. I decided I like the look for now!

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. And I realize that God forgives even the big mistakes, if you ask Him.

So, to answer my student's question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day if I choose, but I won't, really. I prefer cheese! ha ha

MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART! THANK YOU LORD FOR MY FAMILY AND MY FRIENDS WHO ARE AS CLOSE AS FAMILY! THEY ARE THE BIGGEST BLESSING IN MY LIFE. I FEEL LOVED BY EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM. MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE SMILES ON YOUR FACES AND IN YOUR HEARTS FOREVER AND EVER! THOSE SMILES THAT COME FROM COUNTING YOUR BLESSINGS!

FRIENDS FOREVER!
Michael

Getting Older copyright Michael Hodges @ 2007

You Know You are a Bonafide Writer When...

I've been tagged by Jan, and I like these games so...

You know you are a bonafide writer when...

--You don't choose purses on how cute they are but on whether it is big enough to hold your journal.
--You often have to decipher writing done in your sleep because you were just awake enough to realize something was a good idea, but not awake enough to get up, turn the light on, and write it down in "awake English".
--You are in a conversation and finish a thought, but are distracted by trying to figure out how to finish that better in a book or article.
--Consider "roughing it" to mean you write by hand in a journal rather than on a computer.
--You know which pen you used when writing something down based on the characteristics of the ink.
--While others may believe a pen is just a pen, you know better.
--When you write in a journal, you leave the opposite page clear for future notes and thoughts because eventually they will come.
--Others escape from their computers, and you escape to yours.
--Your "desk" consists of a recliner and a table beside it for your coffee.
--When planning a trip to the beach, you wonder how you'll keep sand out of the keyboard.
--At then beach, you sit under the umbrella so you can still see the computer screen.
--You think proper work attire is pajamas.

And, yes, I'm a bonafide writer. Are you? Is so, tell us how you know.

Twice is Really Nice

I was picked a second time for the Nice Award. Granted, it was a week ago, but it was after Paula picked me, and I've been planning to post it, but life has intervened. Today, however, I am going to take out my award and put it where I can see it.

Today is a day when I need a nice award. It is the kind of day when I need to be reminded of who I truly am, not who this flesh acts like. And really, I am nice. In fact, let me tell you some other things I am.

1. I am patient.
2. I am loving.
3. I am kind.
4. I am gentle.
5. I am self-controlled.
6. I am joyful.
7. I am good. Got that, self. I am good. Got that, Liar. I am good.
8. I am faithful.
9. I am peaceful.

Sometimes I don't act those things, but those are nasty flashbacks to before I died. You didn't know I died? Sometimes I don't act like I did, but I did. I chose to die in Christ. I have been buried with Him and raised to life. I am alive in the Spirit. Everything else is dead.

Today the Liar wanted to tell me I am inadequate, which is true. I am. But he tacked on "and hopeless". That is a lie. I am not hopeless. Psalm 25:3 says, "No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame."

Let's not forget Psalm 33 that says,

"18 But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
19 to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.
20 We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield.
21 In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name.
22 May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you."

Psalm 42 says, "5 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and 6 my God. "

Somedays situations disturb me. Some days I disturb me because I'm far more dead and sticky than I am Jesus in real life. On days like that the enemy likes to come at me with the lie that I will always be this way. He likes to tell me that there is no change and never will be. He likes to remind me that some of these nasty behaviors or attitudes have been around for the last 30 years and wants to know what makes me think they'll change. Some of what he says is true, but when he starts asking why I think there could ever be change or why I think it'll get better, I get to the bottom of it. He isn't just accusing me. He's accusing my God. He's saying the One Who bought my life and gave me life can't do anything better with that life. He's saying I've been abandoned and left for dead.

Nothing could be farther from the truth or the Truth. And I like things that remind me of the Truth. The Truth is God is in me. The Jerri I was is dead, and the Jerri God created me to be is alive and well and learning to shine more each day. The Truth is I'm really everything I want to be. I just have to have the faith to act like it, and it's really nice to be reminded.

Those wonderful folks who remind me include....

Well, I'm sticking with Tonya, Jenny, Iona, and Jan (since she says tag-backs are okay).

I am also including Paula, who deserves it so much. I look forward to having coffee with you some day, too. Then you can give me my own autographed copy of your book. :-) And you can tell me the adventure you and God had while you wrote it. I would love to hear it.

One I did not remember before because I couldn't find her link is Claire Barton, who is an amazing prophetic artist. You just need to check out her work. She is also an amazing person, and I thank the Lord He brought her into my life as my friend.

You ladies remind me of who I am because you remind me of Who is in me, and, friends, there is nothing nicer.

Promises Kept

As some of you know, I have been struggling lately. I know the root of my struggle is faith. The manifestation, though, has taken different faces.

One of the faces of my struggle that I wrote about last week is clarity on my photography. One of the biggest issues there is equipment. Next week I will be shooting a women's conference for our church's women's magazine. Our auditorium holds 1,700 people, and last year it was packed. A wide-angle lens would be great for that. Add the lens hood I need for the head shots I have scheduled in two weeks and the lighting I will need this fall for the family portraits for our homeschool group, plus a "clicker" with a longer cord...It all adds up to not terribly cheap. Not enough to get a second mortgage, but there is more. Isn't there always?

Anna had to get new lenses this week for her glasses. Last year, the lenses alone were $200. Again, not a second mortgage, but not pocket change.

Then there is my favorite boy in the world. I won't go into the long story. The synopsis is that the Lord told me to buy sporting equipment for Robert and Anna and plan outtings two days a week. Along with our Friday skating and PE group, that makes three days of activity which Robert needs desperately (and I desperately need him to have it). I knew the list the Lord gave me for the equipment, and having been an athlete, I had a good idea of how much this little jaunt to the sporting section was going to cost.

Add the sporting goods, Anna's lesnes, and the photography equipment together, and I knew we were not talking about an easy month. To add to the mix, our annual weekend trip to the beach which not only serves as family bonding time but mental and emotionally therapy is scheduled this month. I played with numbers and asked, "Lord, how am I going to do this? How do I juggle this? How am I supposed to do all of this? What do I need to kick out?"

Like most moms I know, the answer seemed simple. Anna had to have new lenses. There was no option. I knew the Lord had spoken about Robert's sporting equipment. The family was looking forward to the beach. Surely the Lord would help me figure out how to tighten the budget elsewhere and somehow take excellent pictures with the lenses I have now.

Faith says, "I have big needs, but I serve a bigger God." Friends, I won't tell you I thought that. I thought I would do what had to be done and see how far down the "nice thought" list I could get before the road came to an end. I'm so thankful God is faithful when I am small-minded and faithless.

First of all, Anna's doctor's appointment was a praise in itself. I just haven't had time to write about it. Her lens prescription hasn't changed in three years (it was changing every three months for nearly four years), and her eye alignment is better than it has ever been! Her depth perception is perfect, and this is the best eye report we have EVER gotten concerning Anna's eyes. Anna told me last year that she believed her eyes were getting better. The exam didn't show that, but she said she knew she was right. I told her to pray that the healing manifest and be visible to the doctor, too. We saw that happen this week. The doctor was shocked. Anna's eye problems simply don't reverse according to medical experience, and yet, hers are.

So there is our first moment of God showing up to say, "Look how big I AM," this week.

An hour later, we sat with the tech ordering new lenses for Anna's glasses. "Can you give me an estimate of how much it will cost?" I asked wondering if we should have returned to a company covered by our insurance. If it was $200 last year with insurance, I wasn't sure if I wanted to know how much without, and yet, this was the company we had used every other year. They knew us, knew Anna's history, knew they had to have the perfect lens alignment or Anna would throw up from dizziness. They weren't, however, covered by our insurance. Still, this was "home", and I wanted to see if they could compete.

Susan, the tech we've known for years, said, "Oh, yeah. You came at the perfect time. We've got a sale on. All children's lenses are $50. That includes Anna's glare protection, her torque, everything. Will that compete with your insurance?" I just nodded and wondered how much of a scene it would make if I hit my knees in humble gratitude right there in the middle of the store.

And again, God shows up and says, "Look how big I AM."

Then today I took the children shopping for athletic equipment. I knew what I was supposed to buy, and I knew about how much it would cost. The children and I grabbed a buggy and headed to the sporting goods section. When we left, we had the following in our buggy:

2 baseball helmets--one in pink
2 aluminum baseball bats--one very pink one proclaiming "GIRL POWER"
2 nice leather gloves
3 softballs
3 t-balls
1 batting practice gadget
2 soccer balls--one in pink and one very masculine red and black
2 kickballs
4 mouth guards-two hot pink
1 basket for Anna's bicycle

If you have bought just the baseball supplies, you know that alone adds up really fast. Let me give you some quick God prices.

Helmets--$3 each, not $12 each
gloves--$2 and $3, not $11 and $14
Pink bat--$5, no $11
Softballs--50 cents, not $1.28
Batting practice gadget--$4.oo, not $14

My total for all of that was $75. We walked into sports clearance central, and I figure we saved at least $75.

Isn't God amazing?

And it doesn't stop there.

Another area where the Lord is stretching me is my marriage. I don't really talk about it, but the simple explanation is we went through a couple of life changing events, and we didn't transition well with them. When my dad passed on a few years ago, I had a really hard time. I had been a main care giver for years, and suddenly, I had no clue who I was. The identity crisis did not go well. On the tail end of that, Rob went from working extreme hours and being gone almost all week to a normal work week, and we haven't readjusted well to parenting roles and relationship changes.. Add the children and our desire to keep their life as "normal" as possible, and we have found ourselves more distant and different than we want.

I won't lie. This is a hard place, and the last 4-6 weeks have been incredibly hard. I cannot even express the emotional or mental pain or isolation that I have found myself working through, and as usual, the enemy's attacks are relentless.

I have lain on my bed and cried asking the Lord for a word to stand on because I was tired and couldn't see beyond the holes to the vision of what the Lord had in His heart. All I could see is the way we weren't what I had wanted my marriage to be. The only word I kept getting was, "I can restore anything. Do you believe me?"

In honesty, I said, "I want to. It just needs to be so different than what it is, and I don't see how we will get there."

He replied, "Trust me."

Today, I came home from our trip where God declared His lordship over the sporting goods department, and sitting near my front door was an amazingly beautiful vase of flowers. The card said simply, "I'll be there soon. Love, Maynard." (That is my nickname for Rob, btw.) I was stunned, so stunned that I had not even thought of him when I was trying to figure out who might have sent the flowers. Rob doesn't give me flowers, not because he's a jerk but because they simply aren't something I care for. I want something living and useful. Flowers in a vase die. Lot of money for very little. I just don't appreciate them as much as other things, so he has given me the things I appreciate, not flowers.

Today, though, I was greeted by a beautiful bouquet of flowers, and when I saw it was from Rob, my heart fluttered, and I thought, "Lord, you really are leading us into new territory where we've never been." And suddenly, I had glimpse of what I couldn't see. I kept looking at what we had and what we have wondering how God was going to fix it, and in this case, God isn't going to fix or repair. He is simply going to give us something new.

And did I mention the wide-angle lens is on sale this weekend at the camera shop we trust? Did I also mention the money I didn't have to pay in these other areas cover the cost of the lens and some of the other photography equipment?

And once again I declare by personal witness the unchanging, unalterable truth...

"For the word of the LORD (both written and spoken personally) is right and true; he is faithful in all he does."--Psalm 33

Lord, forgive me for still trying to see with my mind and not my spirit. Forgive me for too easily agreeing with the accusations of the enemy that says You won't--or can't--provide. Forgive me for standing frozen by fear of the unknown instead of walking in the faith of the only One I need to know. Thank You for Your faithfulness and love. Thank you for promises kept. Thank you for being I AM when I am so unsure. Despite the questions, You have lead me to an open place where I can declare: You are God. You are Provider. You are I AM, and You love me. Blessed be Your beautiful name.

Me in All my Glory

Jan said she wants to see more of me. While I hoped that meant she wanted me to drive up for coffee, she mentioned a picture. -wink-

This is me, sans glasses. The eyes are dark brown. The lipstick is almost always some shade of red. The curls are natural, and the haircolor is Clairol Cream Something 7R.

Speaking of hair...I have a hair story.

Four years ago I spoke at a church in Ohio, and the pastor was from South Carolina. He was all pumped because he was going to have someone with a deeper accent than he has, so folks could focus on my talking and not his. Well, I get off the plane and meet him, and I have no accent. Seriously. I can turn my accent off. He was blown away and sorely disappointed. However, it is just hard to deny being from Texas, accent or not.

After church this lady was talking to me, and she said, “You don’t sound or look like your from Texas.” Look like I’m from Texas? “I thought you’d have big hair or something.”

I had my hair up because the curls go mad (or massive) in humidity, and I said, “Ma’am, my hair is so big and takes up so much space that American Airlines made me count it as a carry on.”

Beyond Nice--Thanks, Paula!!!

I got this really awesome award from Paula at Grace Reign! Here is the explanation:

"This award is for those bloggers who are nice people; good blog friends and those who inspire good feelings and inspiration. Also for those who are a positive influence on our blogging world. Once you’ve been awarded please pass it on to 7 others who you feel are deserving of this award."

I have to tell you this award made me teary-eyed. It feels wonderful when others see us that way, doesn't it? Their taking the time to tell us so gives us the freedom to be that person, too, and, Paula, I thank you for those words of blessings and freedom!

Now to pass them on...

I honestly don't know that I even read seven blogs regularly, and Paula has already been picked. Still, I'll see what I can do...

The folks that feed my soul and challenge me to grow and be joyful during the growing pains...

Iona--Iona did the beautiful artwork for Jerri's Munchies (which was my original writing site) as well as host the site for many years. She is one of my dearest friends.

Jan--Her blog is entitled Bold and Free, and that is her passion. I love her honesty, her heart, and there is this awesome picture of her laughing...AND she likes Starbuck's. Gotta find some kind of goodness in that. :-)

Tonya--She just amazes and encourages me, and wait till you see her pictures.

Jenny--Jenny is one of the most intense people I know. Her love for God and passion for His presence is so far out on the edge that it is beyond most people's scope of possibility, and it is all about God and bringing Him into this earth with power and passion. You just have to read it to know what I mean.

I know that is only four, but the other blogs I check don't really seem to fit into this realm. I check on Ethan Powell who is a miracle and growing to be more of a miracle daily. If you want a site that will take you on the roller coaster ride of praying for a miracle and seeing the enemy fight back when breakthroughs are made or about to come and then seeing the breakthrough, this is something you have to read. It has stretched my faith and increased my prayers, and I know others that it has done the same for. You just have to read to understand. I also check on the soldiers at Any Solider.

But for those who those I tagged--and would have tagged--you exceed nice. You are magnficient blessings, and I praise God for you.

Everything

Lately, I’ve been learning a new level of faith. I find it aggravating that in my learning faith, I too often show how little I have.

As some of you know, I have a few passions in life. My family is first, but “outside the home”, I have three things that I love. I love writing. I love photography, and I love teaching/speaking. The Lord has given me multiple prophetic words about my gifts in these three areas, and I am seeing growth in those areas.

However, in our last conversation, my husband had not seen enough growth to entertain the idea of buying equipment that would make life a lot easier for me and allow me freedom to experiment, especially in photography. This is a problem because I’ve been asked to do some photos that require a studio set up, and that requires certain equipment that is part of the unsure area for Rob.

I understand Rob’s concerns. The truth is traditional studio portraiture isn’t my heart. I don’t take pictures of poses. I reveal people. When I first start toying with the idea of doing photography as more than a family hobby, I asked the Lord what my niche is, and He said, “You have the gift of prophetic photography. Your pictures show my heart, and people will see themselves as I see them, and it will heal them and set them free to be the people I declare them to be.” I wept. I couldn’t believe the Lord would offer such an amazing gift and call to me, but I wanted it. The question then became how to pursue it.

I have been asking myself that question a lot lately. I feel as though the doors have flung open for me to use this gift, and I feel so inadequate. There are so many technical things I don’t know, and there is equipment I don’t have, and I want to do this with excellence. However, there is always the lure of acceptance and notoriety, and I can’t do it for that.

A few weeks ago, the Lord gave me the chance to shoot a wedding as a gift for the bride and groom. As I spent hours touching up photos that were taken in a city park with cars and pickups in every direction with the heat hitting 95+ degrees in North Texas and no good backdrop or “noise free” area, my heart that had wanted to do impressive pictures changed. It was no longer about a business card or booking another event. As I kept seeing the beaming bride and the twinkling eyes of the groom, I wanted those pictures to be perfect because I wanted them to see that all those people had put their day aside, stood in the heat and humidity, and joined together to celebrate that wonderful couple. I wanted the bride and groom to see they are worth celebrating, and the Lord celebrates with them.

Again, came the questions: how do I do this every time? What venues am I to do? Can I do this in a studio setting? How do I show who they are and not make the picture contrived?

Then came the “I” inventory: I’m not trained technically for this, and there is so much I don’t know. I don’t have a clue how to do this.

Photography isn’t the only thing leaving me with questions about me and my abilities.

Starting the Thursday after Labor Day, a group of ladies will be meeting at my house to learn identity in Christ and spiritual warfare. To be who one is in Christ is warfare because the enemy wants so much to steal who we are. I wonder what I am supposed to teach, how to teach it, and when. I’m not good at “hard” lesson plans. I’m much better at asking the Spirit to lead and hopefully following. These women think I have some wisdom that will impact their life, and all I see are the potholes in my life.

And that brings up writing.

My passion is simple. I want people to be free to embrace all the Lord declares them to be. I want people to learn who they are and be that person to the fullest. It is the only way to be happy, and people who do that will see the Kingdom of God explode in their lives. Over time, I’ve learned a lot about identity, key issues, tools for warfare, and how to be victorious. While I would gladly teach these principles in a weekend conference, there needs to be follow up afterward because it requires accountability, responsibility, and lots of encouragement. It’s hard, and it shouldn’t be done alone.

Is that one of the books I am to write? If so, how? What does it look like? What do I say? There is a whole slew of “I” questions and logistical things I’ve been trying to work out, and all it has done is give me a migraine.

So yesterday morning, I took all this to God, and He answered, but I was too wrapped up in “I, me, and my” that I missed it. When I sat down for my quiet time yesterday morning, I asked the Lord what He wanted to share, and immediately, He took me to Ezra 6. Verse 14 says, “So the elders of the Jews continued to build and prosper under the preaching of Haggai the prophet and Zechariah, a descendant of Iddo.”

This is what stuck with me, and even with that, I’m thinking, ‘This is nice, God, but can you please tell me what to do about how I am supposed to do all this stuff I believe You’ve called me to do?”

In a word, no. He can’t. Not because He doesn’t care but because the questions simply are too nonsensical for an answer. He was trying to help me, but I didn’t get it. I had to understand the question before I could understand the answer.

When I woke up this morning, I got still for my quiet time and asked, “Lord, what do you want to say today?”

“Same thing as yesterday. My answer hasn’t changed.”

Back I go to Ezra 6. I read it. I read it again. I ponder. I read it again.

“I don’t get it.”

“Then keep reading.”

I read on into chapter 7, and suddenly, I get it. The question isn’t about how I am going to make all this work. The question is whether I will simply obey.

This is what verses in chapter 7 say:

“6…this Ezra came up from Babylon. He was a teacher well versed in the Law of Moses, which the Lord, the God of Israel, had given. The king had granted him everything he asked for the hand of the Lord his God was on him. 9. He had begun his journey from Babylon on the first day of the first month, and he arrived in Jerusalem on the first day of the fifth month for the gracious hand of his God was on him. 10 For Ezra had devoted himself to the study and observance of the Law of the Lord, and to teaching its decrees and laws to Israel. 11…Ezra the priest and teacher, a man learned in matters concerning the commands and decrees of the Lord of Israel...”

The Lord spoke clearly, “Jerri, your passion has always been to teach Me to others. Your passion is for people to see me and know Me. That is all you have to do. Do you see that when Ezra did that, I gave him favor with the king? Everything he asked for was his because My hand was on him. His obedience and passion for Me made it possible for Me to pour out everything he needed. People prospered because of him. They built My kingdom and prospered because he took my vision and obeyed it. He didn’t question whether I’d supply what he needed. He simply assumed I would, and I did.

“There is nothing you need that I will not provide if you keep your focus on why you are doing it.

“The success and impact of your photography is not determined by the money you make from it. Your photography is powerful because of how I use it. It is powerful because it shows My heart, My vision. You show others how I see them. Your lens is a tool of healing and launching. If you focus on My heart, I’ll give you the pictures, and people will flock to you because they want to see who they really are. They long for their true identity. They long for the love they will see in your pictures.

“Yes, you are to publish a book, not so you can see your name on a shelf in a bookstore or impress people, but because I have revealed to you things people need to hear. You are to publish several books because I’ve given you lots to share. Your life has not been without cause. Everything you’ve learned is for you to pass on. You’ve spent your life learning My character and My heart. These are what My people need, and you are the one to tell them.

“Are you adequate to teach? Are you able to tell someone that I love them and My Word is the foundation for all they are and hope to become? Are you able to give testimony to My power and love in your life? Can you tell them without a doubt that I am the God who never abandons or forsakes, whose arm is not to short to reach into any pit, whose heart is for restoration, and whose love is greater than the hate the enemy pours on them? Those are the things people want to know, and you are adequate to tell them because you live that life before me day in and day out, and your heart is still Mine.

“Jerri, if I am your passion, everything you want to accomplish in this world-the great marriage, the godly children, the books, the speaking, the photographs, the impact-it will all happen because my hand is on you. Focus on me and trust me.”

I share all this with you because I can tell you without a doubt that God has declared things in your life, and you may be wondering about the how’s, when’s, and what’s. I don’t know specific answers for you. All I know is that God is everything you need. Your promises, your identity, your hopes, your salvation—everything you are and hope to be is the One Who made you, and He is the One who will bring to pass what He has declared. Your job isn’t to worry about whether you are adequate. Your job is to have faith that He is everything, and He is.

What makes me convinced of that? Well, after the Lord talked to me about favor with the king and having everything supplied, the king of my castle came home. You know the one that has been anti-studio because he simply didn’t have a vision of what God is doing with my photography. Well, he came home and said, “Do you have ideas for how we can set the studio up in the garage, and do you have ideas of how much the lighting will cost and how we can do the mobile studio so you can minister to the groups the Lord has told you to minister to? If you do, I’d like to hear them because I know this is what God has called you to, and I want to see you succeed.” I told him to wait a minute as I went to the study and picked up the photography magazine I had read just two days ago that had an entire article on home studios and lighting kits.

The king of my castle looked at the article and all I presented and asked, “Anything else? I want to make sure you have everything you need.”

Because God is faithful, I do.

For the Birds

Today I took a huge leap. I sent out an email with hopes of selling some of the birdhouses I paint. I started this hobby a little over a year ago because the children liked to paint, and I ran out of things to paint on paper, so I picked up some birdhouses. Because I'm not good at detail painting, I started adding other small things, like the clay daffodils you see at right. As the year has gone on, my collection of painted birdhouses has grown, and I need space. Plus, it would be nice to recupe the cost of my habit. However, I don't paint enough to have a booth at a craft mall or a booth at a craft fair, so maybe word of mouth will get around and the B Unique Creations in my garage will find new homes.

Some other birdhouses include...

I've Fallen, and I Need Help Up

Today the world took a jolt. At least my world did. Michael Vick, quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons, accepted a deal to plead guilty on dogfighting charges. Honestly, as I type this, I find myself fighting tears.

While growing up, my mother was a United Kennel Club judge. My family bred, raised, and trained dogs. Less than a year of my life has been spent without a dog as a family member. To me, the world of dogfighting is too heinous to fathom, and the details that have surfaced about Mr. Vick’s specific dogfighting enterprise are nightmarish. I won’t hide the fact that when I first read the charges against Mr. Vick and his co-defendants and the details of the cruelty used, my first thought was, “God, if he did this, I hope they crucify him.”

Then the most powerful, humbling Truth resounded in my mind as God said simply, “I did. I put him on a cross and let him die there the same time I crucified you. Only at that time, they just called y’all Jesus.”

At that moment, I felt ashamed for my quick judgment and doling out punishment that was mine to have as well. I also felt excited.

It is easy to look at Michael Vick and read the stomach-turning details to which he is pleading guilty and see the obvious depravity of his heart, soul, and mind. It is easy to look at his NFL career and potential and get an idea of how far he has fallen. The worldly details and view are open for all to see. However, I am excited because my God is not bound by worldly details but rather acts despite them.

If you’ve ever read the Bible, you are familiar with some folks who have fallen and fallen hard. King David was given all Israel, the jewel of God, to reign, and David was fascinated by another man’s wife. Peter was a man who walked on the sea, and then denied the One who picked him up when he started to sink. There was a guy named Saul who had the perfect upbringing and training, a guy who knew the law and the requirements of God, and missed it so badly that he killed the followers of Christ. I could go on, but I don’t need to. I have a mirror. I know how far people can fall. I also know God’s arm is not too short to reach them.

Even after David’s adultery, God referred to him as a “man after My own heart.” Peter was restored and walked in so much power that people who were touched by his shadow were healed. Saul traded in his knowledge and name for revelation and relationship. We know him as Paul. Me? I have my own testimony to the greatness of God’s love and mercy.

I have read for several years now about Michael Vick’s potential, and it is great. Some say “was”. I would say those folks are looking at the world because potential is determined by divine plan, not man’s sin. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and yet, God says that His plans and purposes for us are good, full of hope, and offering a future. Obviously, God has not written off Michael Vick. Can he still be as great as he could have been? To suggest less is to call God a liar and a charlatan.


People who think Michael Vick cannot rise to that from which he has fallen does not understand God. God does not desire to raise Michael Vick to that platform again. Instead, He desires to raise him to greater levels of influence, power, and godliness. The power Michael Vick had was false power stemming from a false identity and sense of importance. Only someone who is insecure in their power could demean themselves into training and killing innocent animals. What kind of sense of power does one gain from training mindless creatures to respond to cruelty in such a way that they would kill? A person who is secure in their abilities, purpose, and power does not need to create an environment in which they are the all-powerful one. What is a quarterback? The leader. The one in charge. The head of the team. The decision maker. The one with the control.

Michael Vick came from a background of insecurity and instability, and he created environments that allowed him power and control. He became a god in his own world by using the potential God placed inside him. God Almighty will never allow people with great talent, purpose, and gifts to live in a world where they can use those things to destroy themselves without intervening as a loving Father who desires fullness for His creation.

Some may look at what has happened to Michael Vick as God’s judgment. Yes, it is. However, in the book of Romans, we are told that the law is there to show us our wrongs in order to point us in the other direction. This judgment is not for Michael Vick’s downfall and destruction. This is for his salvation, healing, and wholeness.

Right now, this judgment-the loss of NFL status, freedom, and reputation- seems harsh, but what is more harsh for one’s false sense of value to crash and deal with the temporary consequences in the natural or for God to turn His back and let a person go to hell?

I don’t know how this will ultimately play out. However, I do know God loves Michael Vick, and Michael Vick is not so far in the pit that God’s arm is too short to reach him. I know God has a great plan for Michael Vick, and I know the enemy has tried to steal that. So far, he has been successful, but the Lord has delivered a mighty blow, and we are seeing lies of the enemy fall.

It is heartbreaking. It is also exciting.

It is always heartbreaking to see someone in captivity, but oh, the joy when the walls begin to crumble and prison is shown for what it is because then, and only then, can freedom be seen and embraced in its fullness.

So, yes, there was a jolt in my world today. What I had dreaded as a day of gloom and despair has shone forth with glory, potential, and promise. The lie has been revealed by the Truth, and now great things can be built where only imaginations existed before. I love when God clears out the junk to make room for the treasure, and that is what happened today.

Michael Vick needs prayer. He needs to see the Truth. He needs to see himself as he was created to be. He needs to see the Ultimate Potential he was designed to show.

Yes, it is easy to point fingers and be sickened by the accounts given concerning the dogfighting business. We should be sickened by it, but we have to remember, one Man was crucified on one crss for all. It wasn’t just a dogfighting business that put Him there, and it isn’t just dogfighting that puts us in our own personal prisons. Thankfully, though, that One Man was enough for us all. Now all anyone has to do is walk out of the rubble of the lie and embrace the Truth, and that is the same for Michael Vick, me, or you.

Dear God, you have the freedom to destroy any prisons I have created, even when all I see is the destruction of the “life” I thought was real. Open my eyes to see the freedom You have set before me to live in all the Potential and Truth You have declared over me and into me. Thank you for crucifying me under the name “Jesus”, and thank you for loving me too much to let me live a lie. When the facades fall, give me vision to see the Truth, and when folks don’t understand, fingers of judgment point my way, and criticism comes forth, give me the boldness to keep my eyes on You. Do not let me settle for less than Your best. Thank You for Your infinite mercy and Your even greater love.

Ten Things You'll Never Hear Me Say

Okay, Danica said anyone who wanted to play could consider themselves tagged. I want to play, so…

Ten Things You’ll Never Hear Me Say

1. Oh, no, I don’t like chocolate.
2. White chocolate is my favorite.
3. I don’t like sweet tea.
4. No, honey, I don't need an RV. The tent is fine.
5. I’m sure there isn’t a verse in the Bible that covers that.
6. No, I don’t think you should waste your time praying about that either.
7. God couldn’t care less.
8. I hate the beach.
9. My hair is flat.
10. Of course you can drink your red Kool-Aid in the living room where there is tan carpet.

I’m with Danica. If you want to play, be tagged and let me know.

Simply Smile

For lunch the children and I had fish sticks and macaroni and cheese, the really creamy kind. It happens to be one of my favorite lunches and has been for as long as I can remember. Thankfully, the children like it, too. As simple as it sounds fish sticks and mac-n-cheese brightens my day pretty much every time.

I also like my friend Jessica. I know that looks like a wild transition, but it isn’t. Jessica also likes fish sticks and macaroni and cheese, and I rarely have them without thinking of her. Right now, life makes it hard for us to get together. She doesn’t live too far away, but she works outside her home, and her extra time goes to her magnificent son Josh. Right now, life is just a bit too busy to drive over an hour for a lunch of fish sticks. She’s there, and I’m here, and when we need each other, we know where to look.

Before lunch, the children and I did some science. I love doing science with the children. Today’s experiments were ones they had done before, but they always add a new twist.

First, we mixed 1 cup rubbing alcohol with 1 cup water to show that alcohol fills up the space between the water molecules. In theory, we were supposed to add 1 and 1 and get less than 2. In reality, the children thought the 2 cups of liquid with the swirling blue food coloring looked way cool. I explained the molecule idea, and then we talked about what made the food coloring swirl.

Next, we used salt to make eggs float in water. We found out that sea salt and regular salt both make eggs float. Then Robert decided we needed to find out if it the eggs floated because of the air pockets in their shells, so we broke his egg and my egg, which was in plain water. Mine still sank, and his still floated. Cheers of excited exploration echoed in my kitchen.

Why do I share all this daily mundane stuff with you? Because it isn’t mundane to me. Yes, it is simple, but it puts a smile on my face, and life is always made better when we simply smile.

(Oh, Jessica, I ate your share of lunch. It was delicious. Just didn’t want you to think it went to waste. )

The Bird of Paradise and Other Things that Bring Me Joy

Sometimes the strangest things float through my mind. From deep in the buried depths of my mind comes a bit of treasure that brings a smile and a walk down Memory Lane. In this case, it also brought a melody.

I don’t have a clue what unearthed this little gem. All I know is one day last week the children and I were chattering as we do sometimes, and one of the children asked, “Do you know what I like?”

Our of nowhere, I answered, “When the bird of paradise flies up your nose?”

What I would give for a picture of their faces at that moment! “The bird of what?!”

“The bird of paradise. It flies up your nose. I don’t know why. I don’t know what it does there. Maybe it just acts snotty.” I managed to reply with a straight face.

As two children stared at me wondering whether to be shocked by the idea of a bird up their nose or disgusted by the snotty comment, I wondered, too, “Where did that come from?”

Well, it comes from a song by Neal Merritt. While other artists did the song, I recall it being done by Little Jimmy Dickens. It was recorded in 1965, before I was born. However, my father was a fan of classic country music, and I heard that song into my teens I think. However, it has never given me more joy than now, and I cannot even tell you why.

The chorus is superbly nonsensical:
May the bird of paradise fly up your nose.
May an elephant caress you with its toes.
May your wife be plagued by runner in her hose.
May the bird of paradise fly up your nose.

You can Google to fine the rest. It’s a clean song, and 99% of people won’t care, but for me, it is a good bit of happy. Know what I mean?

Know what else makes me happy? My father-in-law.

My father-in-law loves classic country as much as my dad, and periodically, Pop and I get time to talk, one of the good talks that last an hour or so. Inevitably, we get to chatting about the auctions he’s been to lately, and he tells me about the latest records he’s found. I love this more than I can tell you.

I love it because he takes time to tell me. Not many people I know can have a good conversation about George Jones, Hank Williams, Earnest Tubbs, and the like, and I like that we can talk.

I also love it because it reminds me of my dad. The last time Pop and I talked, he mentioned a record he’d found my George Jones, and I remember one my dad had that sounds like the same record. Pop and I talked about favorite singers and the songs they sang. We had a great time. At least I did, and I think he did.

Funny how things like that can make your heart tender and still make you so happy, isn’t it?

And isn’t it funny how a bird of paradise can tickle one’s nose just right to make for laughter and silliness decades after its last known sighting? And isn’t it wonderful how God puts people in our lives that share those special interests that fill a hole with joy that would otherwise be a place of pain?

May God always bless you with a bird of paradise and your very own special “Pop” to bring you joy…

(Pop, thank you. You are a joy. Love, Jerri)

I Choose Not to Live Life in the PIts

Lately, I’ve been living in a pit. You know what a pit is? It’s just another way of saying, “All I see are walls.” Well, I am tired of seeing nothing but walls.

I want to see things God’s way, and I have yet to see where God says, “I will bless you with walls that prevent you from having vision.” I haven’t found where He says, “I will put you in a dark place that is simply a grave for the non-dead that is beyond escape and wears you down until all hope is gone.” That’s what a pit is, and it is not of God.

So, I’ve been asking God how I ended up in this pit in the first place, and the answer is complex. To some extent, others dug it and dumped me in. I’m not trying to blame. People are people, and that is what happened. To some extent, I pulled out a shovel and helped them. Pits don’t just happen. Some thing happens that creates them, and I have a good idea of what created mine.

Then I ask why I am still here. That answer is complex in its simplicity. The answer: I choose to be.

For some that is too simplistic, but really, that is it. I choose fear over courage. I choose negative over positive. I choose rejection over acceptance.

Let me give you an example. One of the things I love is photography. In fact, when I was in high school, I wanted to work for National Geographic or some magazine that would let me do photo essays. However, I heard a lot about how I would never be good enough to pay my bills that way, so I didn’t. Twenty years later, the Lord has renewed my passion for photography in journalistic form. I’ve been published, and I will be photographing a major women’s conference for a magazine in less than a month. I’m also doing weddings and various jobs that require capturing personal expression. I’m having a great time with this.

If we stop a moment, it is easy to see the acceptance that is pouring out on my photography right now.
I’ve been published.
I have been asked to do the photography for a magazine for a major women’s event.
People are choosing me to capture precious moments in their lives.
People trust me to capture their hearts, visions, and dreams.
And I was told the pictures that were recently published received more comments from readers than any thing else-including articles-in the magazines three years of publications.

Folks, that is a lot of acceptance and blessing.

Then, there was the email.

Someone I have spoken to three times in two years emailed me and asked if we could get together at the afore mentioned women’s conference, and I said I was doing the photography. Instead of a congratulations or excitement, her response was, “Well, your level of photography must have come up for them to think you were that good.”

The voice in my head asked, “Are you going to take the bait?”

I really wanted to write back and be ugly. I thought about sending my latest resume to prove how inappropriate her email was. I even thought about calling a friend to tell her about this email that I refused to acknowledge, but if I refused to acknowledge it, why would I call someone to tell them about it? What was I hoping for? Was I hoping my friend would tell me how wrong this person was? Was I hoping she’d tell me how good I am? More than all that, why was I letting ONE email put me in a tizzy and define me when I had clear and obvious proof of the quality of my work? Would I choose the one email questioning my ability of the list of people and situations that blessed and validated it?

I erased the email, and I bring it up now because the Lord said it was the perfect example of choice.

There are other choices to be made, such as which voices I choose to listen to. On one hand there is a lady who is in the realm of several ladies I know and is often part of our lunches out. Simply put, I never please that woman, but it isn’t just me. No one pleases her. None of us live up to her level of anything. We all know that. We all know it wouldn’t matter what we did, she will find something wrong with it. Surely, she wouldn’t lie, so there must be something there, and we all feel we must fix the source of her latest rejection in some fashion.

On the other hand, I am blessed with a magnificent group of women that I deeply admire. They are stunningly beautiful both inside and out, and these women have had some things to say to me, too.

They’ve said:
I am talented.
I am beautiful.
I am interesting.
I am a good friend.
I am a good wife.
I am a good mother.
I am an inspiration.

Why is it that when this last group of amazing women says something life-giving to me I act sheepish and unworthy, but when the other woman blasts me, I feel I somehow deserve it? Are the women in this last group liars? I don’t think so. I think they are sincere and genuine, and I believe their words are heartfelt. So should I not embrace their words with the same conviction of truth that I would the other woman?

Yes, I think I should, and I choose to do just that. Now, I’m not suggesting we surround ourselves with “yes men”, or women in the case, but I believe it is a sin to choose to define ourselves by criticism alone when God calls us beautiful, worthwhile, chosen, gifted, blessed, delightful, lover, bride, and friend. What right do we have to call God a liar? Do we understand-do *I* understand that when I agree with only the negative, I call God a liar? God looked at all He had made and called it good. We refuse to agree we are good, but we’ll agree with everything else.

And thus, the pit.

The pit is where we live when we cannot see life as God declares it to be. The pit is a lie. The pit is darkness with limitations and no hope for escape. God is light so bright the sun doesn’t compare with power beyond our imaginations holding out hope everlasting.

Which do I choose?

Sound like lovely pie in the sky stuff? No, it’s God in Heaven stuff, and I’d rather believe in that and miss it some than live in a pit that offers nothing but excuses to sit on my derriere and be miserable. And besides, there is this book I’ve read with lots of stories of folks who could have camped out in their pits but instead took hold of Heaven and did things most of us only dream of. Honestly, it makes me hungry to do some of those things myself.

Granted, some of those folks in that book were in pits, too. There is a guy name Daniel that was in a pit with some hungry lions. There were three guys that got tossed into a pit with a fire so hot it killed the men that threw them in, and let’s not forget Jesus who was put in a pit, sealed up, and guarded. You know why God let them get in those pits? Because He planned to get them out and show His power.

That tells me whatever pit I’m in is only so God can get me out.

God was able to get the men and women of the Bible out of their pits because they chose to believe God and what He said about His character…His power…His plans…and them.

And I choose to believe, too.

I pray you believe you have the power to choose, and I pray you choose to believe…

Joy

Joy

In my last post, which was rather here and there because I was trying to keep it abbreviated and give the Cliff’s Notes version of life rather than the novelette, the overriding tone was depressed. I admit it. I have been battling a rather significant depression for several weeks, and I have done all the right things to work through it, but yesterday it became apparent that I was still struggling.

Yesterday morning I sat on my deck as I had my quiet time and poured my heart out to the Lord. I didn’t realize the depth of sadness and hurt over some things until I began to weep as I prayed. One of my honest prayers was simply, “Lord, I need out of this pit, and I am lost as to how to get out. Please reach in and get me.”

One area that has been hard lately is marriage. We are in a season of change and growth, which is great, and I know God is doing good things. Right now, though, there is uneven personal growth between Rob and me, and that is hard. We are also entering into a new season with our children as they reach a different level of independence, and all the changes often leave me feeling like I am on a boat in the middle of a lake in a huge storm wondering if the Guy sleeping in the bottom of the boat is aware of the situation or if He needs me to help Him grasp the reality of it all. While I know He isn’t sleeping and He does know, I have moments when the trip still makes me sea sick, and jumping ship seems to have some significant perks.

Lots of lovely imagery, eh? Well, let me put it simply: it seems that everything the Man of my Dreams has been doing lately is getting on my nerves. His very presence can be aggravating, and it isn’t just him. The children are the same way. Friends are the same way. Life is getting on my nerves, but it seems to be worst with Rob. Point blank prayer, “God, I’m tired of being annoyed. Help me find the joy in Rob.” Immediate thought: Get a journal and start writing every good point and all the things that make you thankful about Rob. Then do the same about the children. And do the same about your friends, and then write them notes telling them.

WHAT A GREAT IDEA!!!

I thought about it, and I think I have journals that will work for that, and I was sure I had note cards, and I was excited. The Lord had answered my prayers, and IMMEDIATELY! How great is our God!!!

And I got up and went in the house where children were hungry, schedules had to be met, and life took over, and the journal was left where it was, and subsequently, so were my emotions, thoughts, and mood.

At the end of the day yesterday, I had a stress head ache that was trying to turn into a migraine. My muscles were so tight that moving at all was painful. If it hadn’t hurt so much, I would have cried. I replayed the day and sunk even deeper. I talked to Rob about the fact that emotionally I was whipped. Physically, I was stressed to extremes. Mentally, I was battered with feelings of failure since I couldn’t snap out of it. As I lay down, I again prayed, “God, help me. I can’t do this.”

First thing this morning, I did a morning no-no. I pulled out my computer and decided to visit some favorite blogs. I visited Paula’s first because I had seen that she posted a new entry yesterday, but I didn’t have time to read it last night. Let me say, God speaks through Paula. Her whole post was on joy, and one of the comments from SharonB said “Joy…it is a choice of obedience”.

And I sat there with tears feeling overwhelmed by God’s faithfulness. He had answered my question two mornings in a row, and not once did He roll His eyes or say, “If you’d just have listened yesterday…” No. He just said, “Let’s try again, Jer,” and this time, I got it. In fact, I am recording it as part of my testimony, and you can be my witnesses. God is faithful, and there is joy in the journey.

So keeping with the Fifteen Joyous Things in my Life:

1. My family enjoying each other. I love hearing Rob and the children playing and laughing and being silly. It is great and wonderful joy.
2. Walks on the beach at sunrise with the children. That started about three years ago for us. I was going to take a walk by myself, but my daughter wanted to come, and I was afraid she’d wake Rob up if she didn’t. The next morning my son wanted to come. At first, I was annoyed because I wanted my time. In retrospect, those walks are the highlight of the beach and treasured memories.
3. Mornings. The first thing each child does is find me and hug or snuggle me and tell me how much they love me and how thankful they are. I tell them the same. That is pure gold.
4. Doing dishes with Rob.
5. The smell of fresh cut hay.
6. Reaching over in the night and patting Rob. Missing him when he has to travel.
7. Get the Thing. It’s perfectly clean dirty fun.
8. Friends who see me as I want to be and courageous speak life into that desire even when I seem to be very different from that.
9. Rain.
10. My photography when I see God’s hand in it and the picture is just right.
11. Receiving emails from our soldiers that we support.
12. Naps with Fred on the big bed.
13. Encouraging other people.
14. My mom, step-dad, and brother, getting together with them and playing games.
15. Talk time with the children.
16. Knowing I have a purpose and the Lord will fulfill it for His glory. I didn’t always know that or trust that, so this is a source of great excitement and joy for me.

I considered putting the “right” answers such as breathing, having food, having a home. You know, I have those all the time, praise the Lord, and too often, I am not very joyful. I find more and more that my joy centers around a few areas: my relationship with the Lord, my relationship with people who are important to me, my faith in God to care of me and my needs, and my value in Him. How those things manifest are different from day to day. All in all, though, the things that make my heart stop, breathe deeply, and feel full remain the same, and often, they are always there. I just have to stop and cultivate them.

Now, I need to go find that journal and start making my list.

Praying you recognize and cultivate the joy of God in your life…

And while you are at it, leave a comment telling me what makes you joyful. And, Iona, beloved friend who always brings me joy, you are tagged.