Ponderings from the Path

Scavenger Hunt

2008-03-16T18:27:00.004-05:00

For those who are visiting from the Bold and Free scavenger hunt, feel free to look around, scavenge for answers, read all you want, and when you are done, come on over to my new blog--Jerri Phillips for the latest posts. Right now, we are in a series of posts on beauty and value. I hope to see you there!!!

New Blog Place

2008-02-20T03:31:00.003-06:00

Last week I mentioned considering changing blogs, and I think the Lord made up my mind for me. For reasons I cannot explain, I posted on another blog I had reserved. It has been there for months, but after my blog sharing that I believe I'm moving into a new season, I accidentally posted on the other blog. I'm sticking with it.

I'm not going to get rid of this one at this point. I think there is a lot of good stuff the Lord has shared through this one, but right now, my new entries are at Jerri Phillips. I hope to see you there.

Pure Worship

2008-02-14T06:43:00.002-06:00

This morning I watched one of the most amazing videos. There is a little boy named Daniel, whom Robin has faithfully kept at the forefront of her blog--Actions Speak LOUDEST!!! Daniel is beautiful and perfect and wonderful, but Daniel has had a hard few weeks. He had to have brain surgery in an effort to stop seizures, but his recovery has been miraculous. The Sunday before Daniel's surgery, Laura, his mom, sang "Bring the Rain". The video has the song as background, but it is about Daniel. At one point, Daniel dances on the beach. It is one of the most intimate and beautiful worship dances I've ever seen.

If you choose to watch it, don't keep yourself in a position of observer. Let Daniel's pure worship draw you in. The worship is amazing and pure, and we can learn so much from Daniel.

New Blog

2008-02-13T10:32:00.004-06:00

I posted today, but when someone looked for the entry it was gone. That is because I accidentally posted it to a blog I've been holding for months. It is simply...Jerri Phillips. It was wholly unintentional, but it fits, so please take a jaunt over and read the post there.

I hope it blesses you.

Must Reads

2008-02-12T04:04:00.000-06:00

I know I just posted, but I have some must read blogs for you, and since I am up right now due to a little one with some croupy coughs and tomorrow my mental abilities might not be so stellar, I'm seizing the...middle of the night.

Check out Jennifer's post on Strengths and Weaknesses (January 17, 2008). Profound stuff that will set folks free and reclaim stolen territory. This is streams in the desert type stuff.

Paula has been in a season of submission and increasing trust, and she is blessing us all with the honesty of it. Her post, Struggles (February 8, 2008), is exceptional.

Jennifer and Paula, thank you for being willing vessels. You are such blessings, and I praise the Lord for you!

Moving On

2008-02-12T03:16:00.001-06:00

I'm thinking about changing the name of my blog.

Frankly, I feel a need a more appropriate name. When I started Ponderings from the Path, I was beginning to get a glimpse of who I am, still sort of afraid to believe it, really afraid to walk in it. I was still in a lot of bondage and frankly trying to stay out of site so I didn't become a target for more rejection and attacks.

Well, now I don't relish the idea of being attacked, and I don't paint a big target on my heart, BUT I'm not the same person in many ways. I struggle like everyone else. I am not longer imprisoned by the idea that others have it right and therefore, have easier lives. (Seriously, that is a lie the enemy used to keep me in self-loathing for YEARS. If I would just it right and quit being such a failure, things would be easier, and I wouldn't have the trials I had. Things were bad because I was a buffoon. Lying stinking Satan.) I don't believe that anymore. I know everyone has trials. I've said it before, "Are you alive? Then you are being attacked. It's what Satan does." I'm also not floundering to figure out who I am or worried that I'm going to miss it and ruin the lives of my descendants for the next 20 generations (Another prison destroyed.). A lot of the prisons that existed then don't now, and I can write as the present Jerri in emails and journals, and when I speak, I speak boldly and with passion. However, when I try to post here, it comes out so much less.

For instance, two nights ago I write two different pieces for a post. I spent about six hours--SIX HOURS--working on those blogs. One I posted and removed because instead of saying, "My writing time depends on what is happening in my life right now, and right now I'm in a season of stretching that is beyond words but way awesome," it came out as, "Man, I really wish I could find time to write, but this mommy gig really sucks down my time, and while I'm not complaining, I'm just not where I plan on being someday."

Okay, well, I am where I plan on being. I am home raising my children and loving my husband, using life experiences and freedom to minister to others in a variety of ways, one of which is writing, and I like my life a lot. It may be a bit hard sometimes, but all in all, it's what I want it to be.

For some, this may sound odd, but for others, it'll make sense. It's almost like there is a shadow associated with the title of this blog. You know how God takes us through seasons, and when a season is over, it is "dark" to walk back in there. It's like it sucks the life out of you that you have found as the new you. I'm not sure I am explaining this well. I think it may have to be a Holy Spirit revelation thing. OH! I know. It would be like getting a college degree and then going back into high school where you have to relate on a high school level although you have college mentality. It would be stifling and not give full freedom to the new life and growth you've experienced. That is how I feel when I try to blog here.

Therefore, I am considering a new name. The URL is actually passionateworship.blogspot.com so I could keep that and try a new name or I could change it all. My thought direction is that I want something that I won't be changing in three years when I'm at a different place. I have the URL jerriphillips.blogspot reserved. I considered simply using that and changing the name accordingly.

A practical concern is loosing people in transition. However, the Lord has given me Joshua 1 for this year's scripture. Joshua didn't worry that people would get lost in either the transition from Moses to him as leader or from one side of Jordan to the other. He was simply ready to take the Promised Land. He trusted God to handle the details, and God did. Oooo, wouldn't it be exciting if a new blog was part of taking my own personal Promised Land? Imagine the new anointing on that. Oh... That is exciting.

Rather than ramble, I will simply toss this out to you. I am interested in your thoughts. If the Lord brings it to mind, pray for me as I consider this and listen for the Lord's direction.

Thank you! Blessings to each of you to enjoy the season you are in and boldly receive the season you are moving into!!!

Senseless Worship

2008-02-09T17:05:00.000-06:00

Psalm 115
1 Not to us, O LORD, not to us
but to your name be the glory,
because of your love and faithfulness.
2 Why do the nations say,
"Where is their God?"
3 Our God is in heaven;
he does whatever pleases him.
4 But their idols are silver and gold,
made by the hands of men.
5 They have mouths, but cannot speak,
eyes, but they cannot see;
6 they have ears, but cannot hear,
noses, but they cannot smell;
7 they have hands, but cannot feel,
feet, but they cannot walk;
nor can they utter a sound with their throats.
8 Those who make them will be like them,
and so will all who trust in them.
9 O house of Israel, trust in the LORD—he is their help and shield.
10 O house of Aaron, trust in the LORD—he is their help and shield.
11 You who fear him, trust in the LORD—he is their help and shield.
12 The LORD remembers us and will bless us:
He will bless the house of Israel,
he will bless the house of Aaron,
13 he will bless those who fear the LORD—small and great alike.
14 May the LORD make you increase, both you and your children.
15 May you be blessed by the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
16 The highest heavens belong to the LORD,
but the earth he has given to man.
17 It is not the dead who praise the LORD,
those who go down to silence;
18 it is we who extol the LORD,
both now and forevermore.
Praise the LORD.

I am not one for posting scripture. Frankly, most of the time if I read a blog or devotional, I skim the scripture and read the newly written thoughts on it. However, as I was asking the Lord what to write tonight (since I've written two lengthy entries only to erase them), I had the wild idea of posting scripture. When I opened Bible Gateway, it was already to Psalm 115, which is a chapter the Lord has had me in this week. Throughout the week different parts have caught my attention. Tonight something new caught my eye.

Notice with the idols their nose, mouth, ears, and eyes don't work. They have no sense. The question struck me: what senseless things are in my life?

Maybe the Lord would have you ask the same thing. I'll let y'all work that out. For now, I need to talk to Him about that question. I'm sure He has some insight He'd like to share.

Have a glorious and sensible day learning to be like Jesus!

Comfort

2008-02-08T22:50:00.000-06:00

I received this picture in my email today. Vicki, thank you for sending it to me. I looked it up to see what other information could be found, and I am adding the information from the email as well as the link to Snopes. I add this picture because we need to be reminded of what our soldiers do in Iraq.

Keep our soldiers and their families in your prayers.

Description:

John Gebhardt's wife, Mindy, said that this little girl's entire family was executed. The insurgents intended to execute the little girl also, and shot her in the head...but they failed to kill her. She was cared for in John's hospital and is healing up, but continues to cry and moan. The nurses said John is the only one who seems to calm her down, so John has spent the last four nights holding her while they both slept in that chair. The girl is coming along with her healing. He is a real Star of the war, and represents what America is trying to do.

Snopes URL:

http://www.snopes.com/photos/military/gebhardt.asp

There is Still No Weapon that Shall Prosper

2008-01-30T11:17:00.000-06:00

Today I received a perfectly timed comment to a post I made back in September. It was divine encouragement. I responded, and as I typed, it occurred to me that these are the very things I've been wanting to post for a few days but have not figured out how to word them or make them all "writer-sounding". Instead, I simply spoke them to a fellow journeyman who knows the sting of battle, the hatred of the enemy, and the power of our God. I have decided to post them here for you because some of you have gotten some glimpses of some pretty ugly weapons the enemy is wielding at you. If that is you, remember, there is still no weapon formed against you that will prosper.

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for your words. Just as the Lord used my words to encourage you, He has used yours to encourage me.

This post was from September, and you know, I could post it today and it be just as honest. The war does not end. The enemy does not become weaker or less resolute. He is a liar, a destroyer, a thief, and a killer. It is who he is, and he exists in such a state with rabid passion. We will always battle him whether it be in his reminding us of the past, belittling our present, or creating fear of the future.

Precious, Anonymous, never forget who you are. You are the child of the King, the perfect Daddy. He will never send you into a battle for the purpose of letting you learn from your mistakes. Instead, He will equip you fully and stand right with you. You have an army of multitude and power that terrifies the enemy. In James we are told the demons know who Christ is and trembles. When the enemy sees you, they see Him, too. They remind you of YOUR weaknesses because if you remember your Strength, they have no power. Your Hope destroys theirs.

Stand strong, mighty warrior. The weapons may look terrifying, but if God has already said you win what difference does it make if they come at you with a rubberband gun or a nuclear bomb. Neither of them will prosper.

Don't Tell Me What I Don't Know

2008-01-22T20:35:00.001-06:00

In my last post, I referenced the scripture the Lord gave me for this year, and I talked briefly about the battle I was engaged in over the promises that scripture holds. I had not planned to write more about it, but today, I found it at the forefront of my thought-processes again.

The Lord has given many promises to my family, and both my husband I agree this is the year the Lord is going to fulfill them or at least put them in action. I don't believe the promises for my writing or photography will be fulfilled in a year. Instead, I expect this year to be the point when those promises become reality in the physical realm and then grow to full fruition according to the Lord's timing and purposes. There are some promises, however, that we believe will come to pass in their fulness this year. One of those promises deals with our place of residence.

It has always been in our hearts to own land in the country. When we bought our present home eight years ago, we never planned for it to be our "forever" home. It was the home that was most sensible for our lives at the time. Now, our needs have changed, and the feeling of restlessness has affected everyone in the family.

Again, we find ourselves praying. Our long term goal is to have a house with a separate guest quarters. We would like a pool and a fishing tank as well. The fishing tank needs to be big enough for a row boat to slide across gently and take its time floating back.

While that might seem extravagant to some, we believe it is important. Our goal is not to merely have a house on land where we go hide from the rest of the world. We want to create an oasis for folks to visit and get some renewal. We have found that everyone needs some time away, but not everyone can afford lodges, B&Bs, or hotels. Some folks get away to a destination, but sometimes they don't want to get away to somewhere as much as getting away from somewhere. We want a place where folks can get away, fish some, sit some, float in the water some, rest a lot.

Today we looked for the perfect land for our little oasis. We did not find the land the Lord has picked out, but we are undaunted. I pulled out my computer and wandered through a myriad of listings on Realtor.com and found a few potential spots. We'll chat with our realtor tomorrow.

While we have potential areas for our home, we don't know exactly where it will be. We don't know exactly how we will handle my photography in small town Texas. We don't know how it will affect our family schedule. We don't know when Rob's software company will be full-time self-employment. We don't know a lot of things.

Frankly, looking at our list of "don't knows" can be very discouraging. In fact, it can make us just cancel the hunt and hide where we are.

In fact, this is a tactic the enemy likes to us on me a lot, and from what I've read, he uses it on a lot of folks, which is why I decided to write about this again. The enemy wants us to fixate on all the things we don't know. What we don't know looks like a gaping hole that will swallow us whole, driving us to make erratic decisions that ultimately end up in our misery. It is better to do nothing than potentially go the wrong direction.

That is what Satan wants us to believe.

However, there are a few things I do know. I know Satan is a liar. He is the exact opposite of God. If he points to the black hole where wisdom is lost, there must be a shining light where wisdom is found. I simply need to look at that. If Satan tells me God left me to wander aimlessly, God has a purpose and will lead me to its fulfillment. My God is not an aimless God. If I am wandering aimlessly, it's my fault, and I need to stop and get focused again. If Satan says a promise will never be fulfilled, perhaps I need to stop and ask if the promise is for now.

I know my God is faithful.
I know my God is loving.
I know my God gives good gifts.
I know my God has good plans for me.
I know my God is generous.
I know my God is kind.
I know my God loves me.
I know my God loves to bless His people.
I know my God is merciful.
I know my God has vision.
I know my God created me for a purpose.
I know my God created everyone in my family for a purpose.
I know my God will overcome every plan of the enemy to accomplish His plans for us.
I know my God is working everything out at this very minute so He can pour good things out onto and through my family.
I know my God is All Mighty
I know my God is always successful.
I know my God is perfect.

After all, it really isn't about what you know. It's all about Who you know. I know my God, and that's all I need to know.

I Said It's Mine

2008-01-15T22:43:00.000-06:00

I know I have already blogged today. However, I need to blog again. It isn't that my heart is burning with some great emotion either positive or negative that compels me to write. It is the fact that I am so strongly compelled not to write that drives me to my keyboard.

Some of you know what I mean. Some of you are rereading that sentence for the fourth time trying to figure out the logic, thinking you missed a word or two. You didn't.

For several months now I have pretty much avoided creative blogging. For months now I knew what the Lord was bringing me to. The edge of the mountain that required faith to leap from the precipice and fly was coming. I am standing on the edge, and I am ready to fly. Im fact, I believe I have leaped, and now I am trying to figure out how to make my wings work.

I do not fear falling. Either God will catch me, or He'll pick me up and dust me off when I hit bottom. Either way, I'm okay.

I simply feel awkward. Perhaps it is an adolescent stage for dreams in which one knows a new expertise is necessary but the experience to wield it isn't there yet.

On December 31st, I posted "Mine". It is simply part of Joshua 1. This is the word the Lord gave me for the year. It is my promise, my challenge, my compass. The enemy tried to steal it from me by whispering that it was too good to be true, I was hearing what I wanted to hear. I told him to talk to my Daddy, and I simply asked the Lord to confirm His word or correct it. That night I was at church speaking with a friend, and he said, "This is a year when dreams come true. In fact, such incredible things are going to come true that they are not even dreams. They are so far beyond what we have the daring to hope for that they are beyond fantasy." I took that as confirmation.

I have a lot of dreams. I have dreams for my marriage, my family, for writing, speaking, photography. Do I think all of them will come true this year? I think things will happen that are so incredible I didn't even have the courage to think about them.

I can say with great rejoicing that I am already seeing those dreams come to pass, and I am disciplining myself accordingly to receive the other dreams. I am also being hit with opposition. It's not a shock. The Israelites didn't take the Promised Land by walking in one day and everyone giving them the keys to the cities, BUT, everyone that was overtaken knew the power of God was with the Israelites. As a result, they feared them. I believe the enemy knows he has had ground for a long time that is no longer his, and he fears this. Still, he is going to fight to keep hold of his land, even when he knows it is pointless.

The enemy's attack takes many forms. Some of you reading this have already experienced it. For me, the assault sounds like this: You have nothing to write about. You can go to the writer's groups and conferences. You can learn the technical stuff, but you have nothing to write about. The Lord hasn't given you a topic or an outline. You have nothing. You're going to get to November and have nothing. Then what? Where did all your ideas go? They're gone. You know why? Because they weren't of God. You have nothing.

Seriously. That is what I've been hearing for over two months over my writing, speaking, and photography. The attack to steal my promises for my marriage and family are worse, and the last two weeks have been incredibly intense. However, the nagging attack that make me want to avoid my computer are in the areas of writing, photography, and speaking.

For instance, I need to turn something in for critique for my writer's group in two weeks, and my mind is blank. I have been avoiding my blog because my mind seems so blank.

But here is something I've seen over and over in God's Word and in my life: God is good at filling empty.

Look at the widow who needed to pay her debts. Her oil didn't pour out until her debt was paid.
Look at the woman who was going to make bread for her son and herself and die. Instead, she made bread for the prophet, and it lasted through the famine.
Look at the miracles Jesus did. They weren't powerful because of what people had but because of what they needed.
The Lord told Paul, "In your weakness, my strength is evident."

The enemy is trying to get me focused on my weakness. He's right. Jerri Phillips has nothing--no, that isn't true. I have something.

I have the promise of the King.

I have God Almighty's word--or God's almighty word. The voice that spoke the world into being out of nothing has spoken His creative word into my personal nothing, and life beyond what I can fathom, that will reach beyond my realms of knowing, that will continue to expand according to His purpose has been declared into existence. It is as real as the computer I'm typing on.

My only weakness that matters is the weakness to see His power. Refusal to see the Lord's power is what killed the Israelites in the desert. He hasn't told me I'll die in the desert. He's told me, "It's time to take the land."

The enemy wants me to believe I don't know what to say, but I do.

"It's time to cross over because by the word of the Almighty God, this land is mine."

Joshua 1

3 I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. 4 Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Great Sea on the west. 5 No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.

6 "Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. 7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. 8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

10 So Joshua ordered the officers of the people: 11 "Go through the camp and tell the people, 'Get your supplies ready. Three days from now you will cross the Jordan here to go in and take possession of the land the LORD your God is giving you for your own.' "

It's Great to Be Me!!!!!

2008-01-15T11:11:00.001-06:00

Jan tagged me on Bold and Free, and I'M IN!!! I love this!!!

I am excited for different reasons, but the quick version is God. (I'm imaganing your faces and responses, and I'm laughing...hard.) The Lord told me homeschool was changing this year, and last fall, it was different, but we aren't where we are going yet because God said we are going to change it more this year.

One of our changes we implemented yesterday was "Thank You, God". "Thank You, God" is a journal we each have, and we write at least five things that make us say, "Thank you, God." It could be something great that happened (like getting an article published or a part in the play, an everyday something that we realize isn't everyday for everyone (like a warm bed), a special thing (play time with Daddy), an answered prayer (we list the prayer and answer), or anything else.

When Jan tagged me for "It's great to me!", I knew it was confirmation for what the Lord has been teaching me (I HAVE to find time to journal all that!), and, friends, it is REALLY great to be me. Let me tell you why:

1. I believe the Lord's plans for me are good and His promises are yes and amen.
2. I have wondrous friends who believe the Lord's plans for me are good and His promises are yes and amen, and when I falter, they either stand over me and war for me, or they jerk me up by my shirt collar and ask me what in the world I'm doing eating crumbs.
3. We have the luxury of homeschooling.
4. We have the ability to allow our children to pursue their talents and passions.
5. My husband totally rocks! (AND, he's a babe.)
6. I have a family and friends who truly believe in my gifts and abilities.
7. When I go to make lunch, I have enough food to have options.
8. My husband loves me.
9. The Lord has blessed me with two great dads, one that passed away nearly 5 years ago and my stepdad.
10. My children love church.
11. Music abounds in our home.
12. I can type this, and it doesn't hurt to do it.
13. Another prodigal family member has returned to Christ.
14. I fasted for 10 days, and now I don't crave chocolate!!!!
15. My friends know I am quirky...and they love me for it.
16. I know the problems that I am looking at today have solutions, and God is faithful to lead me to those solutions so that we are not just "okay" but we prosper and rejoice.
17. My children love God.
18. Fish sticks and macaroni cheese for lunch.

And what is so great about being you? We want to know!!! Leave a comment saying you want to play so we can link over to you.

Have a GLORIOUS day being you!

Christmas Thoughts to Carry Into the New Year

2008-01-05T03:37:00.000-06:00

I realize we are past Christmas, but I think too often the "lessons" of Christmas are lost in the "back to normal" of January. I received this from a friend, and it struck a chord with me. In light of my recent entries, it seemed appropriate to post. I hope it blesses you.

1 CORINTHIANS 13 CHRISTMAS VERSION

If I decorate my house perfectly with plaid bows, strands of twinkling lights and shiny balls, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another decorator.

If I slave away in the kitchen, baking dozens of Christmas cookies, preparing gourmet meals and arranging a beautifully adorned table at mealtime, but do not show love to my family, I'm just another cook.

If I work at the soup kitchen, carol in the nursing home, and give all that I have to charity, but do not show love to my family, it profits me nothing.

If I trim the spruce with shimmering angels and crocheted snowflakes, attend a myriad of holiday parties and sing in the choir's cantata, but do notfocus on Christ, I have missed the point.

Love stops the cooking to hug the child.

Love sets aside decorating to play a game.

Love is kind, though harried and tired.

Love doesn't envy another's home that has coordinated Christmas china and table linens.

Love doesn't yell at the kids to get out of the way, but is thankful they are there to be in the way.

Love doesn't give only to those who are able to give in return, but rejoices in giving to those who can't.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails.

Video games will break, pearl necklaces will be lost, golf clubs will rust.

But giving the gift of love will endure.

Merry Christmas!

-- Author Unknown

Performing the Impossible

2008-01-02T19:06:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking about Linda's and Jan's comments on "Deeply Meaningful". A few things have been running through my mind, and I thought I would share.

First, I misused the term "learned". I can't say that I learned anything new Christmas. It was, however, a time the Lord used to reinforce things He is teaching me and remind me of things I know and sometimes forget or need to value more than I do.

Second, what was represented is the 2007 model of Jerri Phillips. Thankfully, the Lord in all His gracious faithfulness took the 2006 model and worked out some more of the bugs, beat out some dents, and continued the motor overhaul He started years ago. Prayerfully, the 2008 model will be even better.

I realize it seems that I am stating the obvious, but I have found the "obvious" is not so obvious in our own lives. Sometimes it is easier to view our lives by viewing others, so I am laying some of my life out for you to see. Prayerfully, the Lord will show you whatever you need to see in your life not as a way the enemy can discourage you because of who or where you are right now but as a joyful possibility that we can receive as a promise because of the power of God.

By nature, I'm intense. I can't remember a time when I wasn't. I'm a prophetic personality for whom life works in black and white and legalistic performance is a temptation the enemy likes to dangle in front of me. Add to the mix my kinetic drive, and "doing" can be an almost overwhelming compulsion.

Lists can easily slip from being tools to prisons. Schedules go from being guidelines to being chains. Traditions go from joyous times of connection to "just another demand", and frankly, people can go from being blessings to hassles. And any of those things can happen before I realize I'm even on a slippery slope.

I have experienced the effects of a life controlled by the nature to do and become. I have struggled with feeling I have no value or worth because people of influence in my life were controlled by this unchecked drive. I have also been healed of those effects. Based on a promise the Lord gave me 20 years ago, I have committed that those effects will go no further down my family line. That means I have to be the change, and the Lord has allowed me to be just that.

I had ideas of what I wanted for my family, but honestly, they seemed like dreams. Some seemed so far beyond possibility that they appeared to be mere fantasy, but God is the God of the impossible. He has exceeded my hopes, brought dreams to pass, and shown fantasy to be an achievable reality.

It hasn't come easily. In fact, it is a battle I fight daily. I believe lots of people do. It's the nature of the flesh to perform, but the Spirit isn't about performing, and I choose life in the Spirit.

There are different ways to fight the battle, and I can't name all of them here, but I'll share a few things I have found to be extremely freeing...and fun, which is something intense personalities find foreign and odd.

I try to keep some simple criteria in mind.
--Is what I am doing showing someone they have value or lack value? At times, I have been so driven to finish a task, impress others, or feel successful outside my home that my behavior, words, and attitude clearly communicated to my family that they were not important. Any time my family is told they are not valuable, my priorities are out of line. Any time my achieving a goal devalues people, I am not representing God. God devalues no one. On the contrary, He declares we are priceless.
--Is this to prevent someone from rejecting me or to show others they are accepted? With our white Jack Russel Lab mix, white hair abounds. Everytime we vacuum, we joke about dumping the puppy out of the vacuum cleaner. We have a friend who simply doesn't handle dog hair well. If I know she is coming, I do all the cleaning I can to get up the dog hair for her sake. I no longer clean just so I can believe others are impressed by Domestic Diva abilities.
--Am I doing this because I think it needs to be done or because someone else does? If I'm going it just because someone expects me to, my mother did it, the women at church do it, or Martha Stewart of the Fly Lady does it, I don't need to be doing it. If I am doing it because I like it or my husband likes it, then it is for God's glory.
--If I am choosing between two things, which is an investment? If I have to choose between playing Zooreka with my children or dusting my mantel, the time with my children is the greater investment. The dust will be there when the children have their own mantels. We can dust while we chat on the phone together.

That gives you an idea of the crteria I try to use to keep my life ordered correctly.

There are also certain activities I have found useful in overcoming the compulsion to be in control and perform. I'll share some of those, too.

One thing I do is let the children lead. For folks like my husband, this is as natural as breathing. For folks like me, it takes time to learn to enjoy the unpredictable nature of such adventures. It is worth it, though.

The other thing I do is force myself to do something I know I am not good at or know nothing about. Sounds crazy. I know. It is crazy. It has also led to some of the hardest laughter I've ever experienced, some of the greatest memories I could ever hope to have, and some of the most intense deliverance and freedom I could have imagined. Actually, sometimes all of those things exceeded what I could have imagined.

So there you. There is glimpse at my life. Maybe you see yours in there. If so, I hope you see the part that says God is able to take wherever you are and whatever you struggle with and change it to be something that seems to glorious that it might even be beyond what you are able to dream.

The Jerri Phillips of Christmas 2007 is not the one that was here a year ago, and I don't believe she will be the one who is here next year. I believe next year's will be better. I hope by sharing my story you have been encouraged to believe the same for you.

Mine

2008-01-01T21:12:00.000-06:00

Joshua 1

The LORD Commands Joshua

1 After the death of Moses the servant of the LORD, the LORD said to Joshua son of Nun, Moses' aide: 2 "Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites. 3 I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses. 4 Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the great river, the Euphrates—all the Hittite country—to the Great Sea on the west. 5 No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.

6 "Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. 7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. 8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

10 So Joshua ordered the officers of the people: 11 "Go through the camp and tell the people, 'Get your supplies ready. Three days from now you will cross the Jordan here to go in and take possession of the land the LORD your God is giving you for your own.' "

Deeply Meaningful

2007-12-29T00:26:00.000-06:00

First, I want to thank Linda for her kind comment on "Straight No Chaser". Your comments got me to thinking about Christmas, what it is, and what makes it meaningful.

This Christmas has been so wholly odd. Robert and I got sick the week after Thanksgiving with a respiratory virus and only started sleeping through the night again a few days before Christmas. Because of the sickness, there were a lot of things not done. I still haven't written our yearly letter that we send out instead of Christmas cards. Some of my best friends received no gifts at all, but they gave wonderful gifts to us anyway. I haven't had the energy or clarity of mind to blog, although I enjoy it. Certain parts of school have had to go by the way side.

It really hasn't been what I try to do, but it was so much more than I had hoped it would be.

As I went into the Christmas season, I prayed a lot. I didn't have much energy to do much more. As I asked how the Lord wanted us to celebrate His birth and life, I found one thing kept coming to mind: invest in people. Invest extravagantly and see the rewards. So I tried to do that.

When I was able to breathe, I took my children shopping individually. We went to breakfast, talked, laughed, and shopped. I didn't give them a spending limit as I often do, but I didn't have to. Each of them had taken time to talk and listen and get Christmas ideas. Each knew what the other's "favorite things" were, and when the credit card was put away and all the receipts signed, they had spent barely over the typical spending limit, and they had equal number of gifts for each other. How is that for a God-thing?

I also took them shopping for their dad, and I watched a 10- and 7-year old walk themselves into exhaustion looking for what they knew was the perfect gift for their dad. We hit multiple stores and walked far more than I ever thought their legs would endure all because they wanted to value their dad and get him exactly what they knew he would like, and he loved his gifts.

I also did something totally out of the ordinary for me. My husband had a list of books he wanted. They were all business books that would be useful for his software company. I told him to just buy them, but he said he was hoping to get them as gifts. Normally, I wouldn't buy things like that as gifts, but I laid it before the Lord, and He said the most wonderful thing. He said to buy all the books because it is a celebration and affirmation of Rob's gifts. "Gifts" being both spiritual and Christmas. By making those books his gifts, I was affirming and investing in Rob's gifts. I didn't realize how much that meant until I saw him just staring at his pile with a look of "oh, wow" when he was done opening them.

Then there was Christmas Eve. Normally, Christmas Eve is a day for cleaning and getting the house right before the family comes in. Not this year. This Christmas Eve the Lord reiterated, "Invest extravagantly in people, and you'll reap wondrous rewards." So we invested.

--First thing in the morning, we made sugar cookie dough and put it in the fridge.
After we cleaned up from that, I pulled out the paints, brushes, and water cups, and we painted ornaments.
--While they dried, Anna made fudge.
--Then Rob ran off to the story for last minute things and a friend came by with her two children for a gift swap. When she called and asked to come by, I thought, "I have so much to do," but the Lord reminded me that His admonishments to the Pharisees and Sadducees had nothing to do with their floors but rather their lack of commitment to people. So I told her to come on over. Let's play. She did, and our talk was wonderful, and I loved it.
--After our friends left, Anna and I made a pumpkin cake and baked it.
--While it was cooling, we rolled out the sugar cookie dough and cut out cookies. Rob guarded the oven to make sure none burned while the children and I rolled and cut and shrugged when things didn't work quite right.
--When the cookies were done, I cleaned the kitchen...again. Anna made frosting for the pumpkin cake, and frosted it.
--We had dinner.
--I pulled out a bag of powdered sugar, milk, sprinkles of every sort, paint brushes (saved only for baking), every container of food coloring I owned, and at least a dozen small bowls. The children and I made all colors of "paint" imaginable, and the family sat down to decorate cookies. By the time we were done, we had some wonderful works of art.
--We set up a plate for sometimes-we-believe-in-him-and-sometimes-not Santa.
--We had our family altar time, prayed, and sent the children off to bed.

--As Rob and I watched It's a Wonderful Life and waited for enough quiet to wrap the children's presents without intrusion, the phone rang. It was friends. Could they come carol us? The kids were in bed...it would wind them up again...I wanted to get to sleep at a descent time..."Of course you can. We'd love it." Ten minutes later, we were sitting on our porch wrapped in blankets listening to some of the most divine Christmas music I've ever heard.
--When our friends left, the children were excited all over again. My husband was shaking his head smiling, and I was convinced it just doesn't get any better than this.

After the children had wound down again, we pulled out the wrapping paper and the gifts, watched George Bailey stare at the parade of people who loved him as he realized simply being part of folks' lives and investing in them is powerful, and cried (I cried. Rob did not cry, but he held the Kleenex box for me).

We did all the Santa-that-the-children-aren't-ready-to-give-up things and placed the gifts under the tree. We were ready for Christmas.

Then I looked around the house. There was so much not done. The floors had not been swept or vacuumed. Nothing was dusted. I didn't know if I had scrubbed the toilet. And the Lord spoke quietly, "You can give them a clean house, or you can give them you." I went to bed.

Christmas Day, my folks and my brother came down. We had lunch, opened gifts, and played games. My mom helped my son build things with his wood (very cool gift from Uncle Raymond), and three generations played dominoes together at the table. No one noticed the entryway had not been swept or the carpets not vacuumed. No one even commented that they could sign their name in the dust on my mantel. Instead, as they left late that afternoon, they all said it was a wonderful day and they loved it. "We need to do this again soon." Yes, we do.

And what deep meaningful things did I learn?
--A 7-year old hammering with his grandma makes a great picture.
--Memories of painting and decorating cookies lasts long after the cookies are gone. I shouldn't be skimpy on making either.
--Love is what causes someone to give gifts to people who don't have the ability to give in return. It was that way with the first Christmas, and it remains so today.
--Gifts are treasures of wonder when we have the sense to accept them as expressions of love instead of worrying about whether they are what we wanted or hoped for.
--If I stay focused on the joy a person brings, I will find the same joy in whatever they give me in a box, and I will remember that joy every time I look at that gift.
--It is better to gather dust on the mantel than dust on relationships.

So, yes, for me, Christmas was tremedously meaningful. I was shown in so many ways that the best gift we can give anyone is showing them they are valuable. We talk about the first Christmas being all about a Gift. We miss it. Simply giving gifts is about performance, but when you start giving value, then it becomes about people, and that means everything.

Straight No Chaser

2007-12-21T14:12:00.000-06:00

For more information on this incredibly talented group, check out Straight No Chaser.

What About You?

2007-12-12T14:37:00.000-06:00

I've been catching up on some blog reading this afternoon, and I read a few comments that included "me, too" in them. It turned on the wheels, and I began to wonder what life experiences I've had that others might have had, whether they be weird, sad, fun, exciting, or whatever. So I thought I would ask. If you want to play, consider yourself tagged and jump in. I'd love to know about you, and you never know what parts of your life are parts of other people's lives, too.

Below are some of the things I've done or experienced in my life. What about you?

1. I have petted a shark. It was little, but it was cool.
2. I've known the heart ache of loosing a parent.
3. I've known the joy of having a friend who sees into and through me and still loves me.
4. I played high school sports: basketball, volleyball, track.
5. I have an older brother.
6. I love my step-dad. He rocks.
7. I was told I would never be able to have children. (Then I had two.)
8. I've lost friends to senseless accidents and people acting irresponsibly, such as driving while drunk.
9. I love Christmas shopping.
10. I love to dance to country and western music.
11. I'm barefoot right now.
12. I think my husband is incredible.
13. I love walking in the rain.
14. To me one of the greatest gifts in the world is time with folks I love.
15. I like dogs.

What about you?

the Keeper of my Soul Continues to Keep My Mind on Him

2007-12-10T22:19:00.000-06:00

Seven7 left a comment on The Keeper of My Soul from June 2006, and it was perfect timing. The Lord has been discussing this with me, and He so graciously reminded me of lessons learned through Seven7's reminding me of that post. Here is her comment and my response. Again, I share it because I think some folks will be blessed by God's faithfulness.

Seven7 said...
This was truly inspiring! Sometimes we have to be reminded who is in control of our lives and because Jesus is in control we have peace in knowing that we are well kept! God Bless, Seven7

Jerri Phillips said...
Seven7,

It is so true, and I find that the more I think I really understand that, the more He shows me a new place to apply it.

Candidly, there are some tense family relations the Lord is leading me through, and my first instinct is to run and hide. I don't know what to say or do so I try to avoid the situation, and I get horribly stressed. Last week as I lay this before Him, He responded with such assurance, "I prepare a table for you in the presence of your enemies, and when someone confronts you, I give you words to answer. You are worried about failing and not looking like me. Quit looking at you so much and see who I say I am. Then I will be present in the situation, not you."

I'm not relishing the next meeting, but I have peace, and I know when the meeting comes, it is for my good and His glory rather than because the enemy slipped through the Heavenly lines to torture me.

Bless you!!!

Comments

2007-12-10T21:59:00.000-06:00

I am finally feeling well enough to respond to comments without wandering down an emotional or mental rabbit trail that leaves folks hanging and wondering just what kind of medication I am on. If you have left me a comment in the last few weeks, please visit the post where you left it as I have replied there.

I am going to mention one reply to Linda's comment here because I think it is something a lot of people I know need to hear.

Linda said...
Jerri, your heart is so sensitive to the things of Lord and in pleasing him. More of us should have that desire to be a little more introspective and analytical about the states of our hearts. I just want to reaffirm what you already know; it's not in the doing or not doing that we are defined or valued (even mental obedience vs. outward)--In him we live and move and have our being. As you work through all of your struggles, I'm praying that the joy of the Lord will be your strength and that he will fill you with that inexplicable joy today. Be encouraged, dear friend.

Jerri Phillips said...
Linda,Thank you so much. I appreciate the prayer for joy. Joy has not been a defining element in my life, but I believe the Lord is changing that. In fact, I've been studying joy, and the fact is, joy comes from the Father's presence, from being immersed in Truth. If we are living the Truth He speaks over us, not only should we find joy in ourselves but He does as well. Isn't that exciting?
Thank you for the encouragement, dear friend. You are such a blessing.

May each of you reading this be the receivers of God's inexplicable joy for who you Truly are, and may it strengthen your resolve not to let the enemy steal that Truth from you.

Just What I Expected

2007-12-09T22:57:00.000-06:00

Folks who know me for very long hear me talk about my children, and inevitably, I will say, “I have the most wonderful children in the world.” If you are a parent, you have the right to disagree, but I’m telling you: my children are amazing. We’ve pretty much come to expect them to be, and they don’t let us down.

Take yesterday for instance.

My seven-year old and I have been battling a respiratory virus for over a week now. Yesterday he felt well enough to make a trip to the store to do some shopping for his big sister. He had two things on his “Must Have for Anna” list. One was easy to find. The other…not so much.

Our mission was to find a specific Littlest Pet Shop bunny with a Chinese hat. We had seen several the week prior, but now they were all gone.

After hitting a few stores, Robert was waning. We had one more place to try. After that, I was pulling the plug. When we drove into the parking lot, Santa greeted us. He was waving broadly, and his, “Ho! Ho! Ho!” rang across the parking lot.

When we stopped, Robert got out of the van and stared Santa’s direction. I looked at my son. “Want to go talk to him?” Robert nodded. Off we went, watching for cars, holding hands, partners in a quest.

When Robert reached Santa, Santa was joyful and attentive. He asked what Robert wanted. I knew exactly what Robert would ask for. “Well,” he started, “I want a Littlest Pet Shop. I want a bunny.” He promptly described the bunny exactly. “It wears a hat. The hat is a Chinese hat.” He then described the hat exactly, too. Santa listened with rapt attention.

When Robert was done describing this toy in great detail, Santa asked, “Do you want anything else?”

Robert broke his eye contact with Santa and shrugged. “I don’t know. That is really all I can think of right now.” Santa suggested Robert drop him a letter. Robert nodded and said he would try to do that later that day. Santa shook his hand, and Robert thanked Santa.

I took Robert’s hand, and we headed toward the store. I had Robert’s wish list in my purse. He could have mentioned any of the things on it, but I knew none of them would come up. I knew Robert would tell Santa about one rabbit with a Chinese hat. He did exactly what I expected our wonderful son to do, and as usual, he was amazing.

copyright Jerri Phillips 2007

And, yes, I know...

2007-12-02T02:41:00.001-06:00

I did not pick five people. Actually, I didn't finish the entry. However, I am rather sick and have been for a few days. My energy and mental clarity sort of comes and goes. Presently, it is 2:42 am, and I am awake again because I ache horribly and am still working on getting my coughing under control.

The rest of the post will be worked in as my health allows and improves.

And thank you in advance for your prayers because I know some of you wonderful folks will be praying for me. You always do, and I so much appreciate it. :-)

Discipline--An Award and a Reward

2007-12-01T17:47:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago I received an award from Jan. The award is the Mathetes Award. I had no knowledge of background for this, so I looked it up. It is neat to read about, and I suggest you visit the site. In summary:

"Mathetes is the Greek word for disciple, and the role of the disciple (per the Great Commission) it to make more disciples. I'd like to take the opportunity to award five other bloggers with this award and badge for acting in the role of a disciple of Christ. These five all share the message in their own creative ways, and I admire them all for what they do. "

This is what Jan said about me: "Jerri – You are bold and free, willing for God to use you in any way he sees fit – whether it’s rescuing animals or writing about deeper issues. "

In the last month, I have struggled with the implication of this blessing even before I knew she had written these words. Despite the struggle, I do receive her words as a blessing. What greater blessing can we have than to be willing to be used by God in any way He sees fit? And at the same time, what greater struggle is there than to give up self and crucify it on a our cross daily?

And yet, I have even begun to question the struggle. I do not believe my struggle is in knowing or believing in God's worthiness to be served unconditionally. Although sometimes, we have words about the His timing and what I perceive is silence on His part. My greatest struggle is not in knowing and believing in His identity. It is in knowing and believing in mine.

It is easy to get caught up in the lie that we are not whatever we should be, and therefore, we are not what God declares we are. The problem is we--I see myself in a mirror of that shows flesh, and the enemy of my soul is all too willing to magnify the flaws therein. However, my God sees me in likeness of His Son whose blood covers all that stuff the enemy wants to blow up to be everything. In the likeness of Jesus and through faith in Him, all that "everything" becomes nothing. When I am nothing, He can show all He is.

Isn't God's logic amazingly weird?

So the last month has found me struggling in my identity as disciple, not just in the ways I let traffic get to me or the not so loving thoughts I have toward my husband at times. My struggle has been to see myself as God sees me so that I can be all He has called me to be. He has called me to be a godly wife and a godly mother. He has called me to impact my world through love first and words when my first calling has been done first. My first calling in my home has not been what I dreamed it would be, and finally, the Lord got me to acknowledge it was my fault. Jesus kept His priorities, and mine had been confused. I have spent the last month sorting through priorities, repenting for what I've done wrong (lots of repenting), and accepting that the God who gave me this job will give me the ability to do this job. I am without excuse. If my realms of authority are out of order, it's because I'm out of order. God is not a God of disorder but of peace. If there isn't peace, then God isn't getting to be in charge.

For the last month I've been learning to be a disciple in a different way. Not by performing well or fulfilling roles but through relationship. It seems like a simple truth and yet, how deeply ingrained is the idea that I must perform and fulfill a role and be a specific "thing" to different people.

I plan to write more about this and share what I've been learning and learn daily. Right now though, I shall leave you with one simple thought: To be a disciple is not to memorize rules. To be a disciple is to cultivate a relationship. Being a disciple does not happen by accident. It is a choice. It is who we choose to be. It is the person we are when we quit listening to the enemy tell us all the things we are not. It is not who we will become. It is who we are. It is our choosing to believe that that frees us to the joy of being a disciple.

Honored

2007-11-10T14:53:00.000-06:00

Today, I received a wonderful honor. Linda gave me an award for Blogger Integrity. You can find out more about this award from Mama Pajama. (BTW, I love that someone took the initiative to create this award for folks that blessed her/him. How much could we add to the world if we all did somethign so simple? Hear that? The brain wheels are beginning to turn...)

Once again, I digress.

When I read Linda's post, she commented that she did not feel deserving. (She got it for creativity. I understand why.) I'm not sure I feel deserving either. Actually, I know I don't, and I'm honestly humbled that saving a cat got me an award (and nomination for sainthood--or at least a suggested could-be-saint blessing). It has made me think.

I like to think anyone would have tried to save that cat...and caterpillar...and dog, and honestly, I think most people would have. However, in a society where our newspapers blurt out the horrific stories, where most homepages start with the nightmarish occurrances of the world, and the news use happy stories to take up unused seconds while filling our brain with heart-wrenching and fear-invoking images and stories, someone who does something kind or even right is the anomally.

Too often we immerse ourselves-or are immersed by the sheer reality of our life and times-that we find ourselves struggling with persisting clouds of gloom and doom. Our spirits shrivel and our hearts ache. We are created in the image of a good God who is defined as "love" and gives life. If we hope to have life and goodness in our lives, we must find Him in the midst of the death and gloom that surrounds us. I think that is what this award is about. At least it is to me.

This award focuses on the following:
-Creativity
-Spirit of Giving
-For Keeping It Real
-For Social Conscience
-For Staying True to Their Beliefs

In the beginning God created...
For God so loved the world that He gave...
I am the Way, the Truth (as real as it gets), and the Life...
By this time it was late in the day, so his disciples came to him. "This is a remote place," they said, "and it's already very late. Send the people away so they can go to the surrounding countryside and villages and buy themselves something to eat." But he answered, "You give them something to eat."
They overcame him (the enemy) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.

We use human words, but this award simply breaks down individual actions or mindsets that allow us to see a person and say, "I see Jesus in you." Is there anything greater a person can say to us as Believers? Yes, I am honored to receive this award, and I joyfully bestow it on others.

Creativity--Tonya is amazing. That translates into her photography. She sees things through eyes that are not "typical". Many would say her vision is divinely given. I would agree.

Spirits of Giving--Jan inspires me. She gives away books. She gives away scarves. She gives away blankets. She gives away encouragement.

For Keeping It Real--Jennifer is as real as it gets, and I am honored to be her friend.

For Staying True to Her Beliefs--Once Jenny knows that she knows, she is rock solid. She researches, seeks wisdom, prays, and digs until she hits the bottom of the Truth. Once there, she doesn't move.

For Social Consciousness--I imagine the founder of this award was thinking someone who sees social ills and inequalities and works to correct them. However, I think sometimes things are up for interpretation, and since the heart of the award is to give it to someone who impacts me in a certain way, I choose Bob Smiley for this one. Bob is a Christian comedien that has a heart for young people. How does that make him socially conscious? He is conscious of the social pressures facing young people, and he is doing everything in his power to reach these kids with the message of Christ, not just as Savior but as Lord. The only thing that will set folks free the social pressures of life, it is the Word of God, and Bob shares it boldly.

To check out the blogs (without links) listed above, you can check my links out to the right. I see Jesus in each and every one of them, and I think you will, too.

BUT, My Children Think I Am a Hero

2007-11-01T07:20:00.000-05:00

I have spent a great deal of the week dealing with people issues. The women’s group I have been facilitating has disbanded, and while I know in my heart, it was the right thing, it hurts. There have been some misunderstandings with some other folk, and while all but one are resolved, the interim work of sorting through and finding unity is stressful.

The one unresolved issue is my fault. My willful actions caused it. I admit it, and while the circumstances are stressful, and I don’t know what the final outcome will be, I would do the very same thing again. Sometimes in life you just have to choose who to disappoint and make angry, and I stand by my decision.

Let me explain a bit about my odd week, and perhaps it’ll make more sense. Yesterday the children and I were headed to the library when my son found a caterpillar clinging to the window for dear life. We save caterpillars. Okay, we do not try to act in ways we know are harmful to caterpillars. Being on the outside of a window on a van moving 60 mph is harmful for most caterpillars, so we stopped on the side of the road, and I took the caterpillar off the window and sat it on the green grass of someone’s yard. I then got back in the van and was ready to leave when my daughter yelled, “MOMMY!!! THERE’S A PUPPY!!!” There was traffic coming from both directions. A puppy was not going to last on the road, so I asked where the puppy was and opened my door hoping to get the puppy before traffic did. Before I could exit the van, the “puppy”, which was a full-grown Jack Russell Terrier, jumped into my lap. Thankfully, he was a lovable JR, and he had a tag. Not a problem. We simply return him to his home, and all is fine in the world again.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t that easy. Because it wasn’t an identification tag, there was no address information. Undaunted, we called animal control to have them run the number on the tag, so we could return the very friendly dog to its home. That is when I realized it was a rabies tag. Not a problem. The officer at animal control called the veterinarian’s office to obtain the address and call me back. We sat where we were and waited for the return call. The phone rang. Good news. The veterinarian had the information. Bad news. It was out of date. The officer and I ran through options. Ultimately, there was only one reasonable option—we needed to take the dog to animal control and let them run names through city address and phone books to hopefully find his home. Thankful to have kept the dog from being hit by a car and yet sad to let him go, we left our new-found friend kissing the officer at animals control.

We had done our good deed, and we felt good about it.

More than that, my children were really excited to have a mom that was willing to make the extra effort for some furry friends. And that wasn’t anything compared to today.

My son asked if we could work on his spelling outside since the weather is beautiful and he focuses better swinging on the swing. I picked up his book and headed out behind him. However, we ran into a problem. Our neighbor’s dogs were barking so incessantly and loudly that we could not focus.

Upon investigation, we found the source of the barking was a cat in a tree in the back of their yard. Upon closer investigation, we found the cat was really barely more than a kitten and had no way to escape the dogs. The dogs were jumping up toward the cat trying to grab it, and the cat was not holding on well. It was a matter of time before the dogs reached the cat, and the Husky-Shepherd mix, Boxer, and other large dog didn’t want to be friends. Without intervention, the cat was not going to survive.

I tried to call the dogs to me in an effort to give the cat time to escape. That didn’t work. I emailed our neighbor to ask how I could get the dogs’ attention and waited by yelling for the dogs and continuing to try to divert their attention. I leaned over the chain-link fence and put out food. Again, no interest. I then tried to bribe them with treats. They already had a treat in mind.

Thirty minutes had passed. The cat was further down the tree, barely above “lunge range”, and there was still no email. I tried calling our neighbor’s cell phone. No answer. In a desperate act, I called animal control and explained the situation. The officer told me they could not enter a private residence. I told him I wasn’t asking for the dogs to be removed. I just needed help getting the cat out of the tree and putting it where it was safe. Could he possibly help me with that? An officer was dispatched, but it would “take some time”. Fine.

I knew all I needed to do was get the dogs in the garage and close the door, but how could I do that? Suddenly, I knew. I went to the front of my neighbor’s house and banged on the garage door. Two of the dogs ran inside. The Husky-Shepherd stayed at the tree. I then went to the wooden gate to the backyard and pounded on it while calling all the dogs’ names. Two came to me immediately. When the Husky-Shepherd saw me petting the other two dogs through a missing picket, she came, too. While I pet the dogs and talked to them, my children kept vigil on the cat.

Then I heard what I had been waiting for—praying for. “Mom!! Mom, I have the cat!! The cat is in our yard, and I have it!!”

I patted the dogs and told them they were good dogs. Then I went back to our backyard and tried to call animal control. I had no need for them now. The cat was safe.

While waiting on hold with animal control, I again emailed our neighbor, who had not responded in the past forty-five minutes or so, to say we had the cat, and I was trying to cancel my call to animal control.

Unfortunately, the officer arrived before I was able to get through and cancel the call, and when he left, there were several slips of colored paper on my neighbor’s door. None of them directly related to my call, mind you. However, there are licensing laws and other regulations, and the City doesn’t like being ignored in those areas.

Although the officer offered to take the cat, which had no tag at all, with him, I told him we would handle it. Our concern was not that it was in the yard. Our concern was that we didn’t want it killed by the dogs. After the officer left, the children and I took the cat around the block to try to find its home, and we did so successfully.

When I returned home, I had an email waiting for me. Our neighbor is furious. The details are irrelevant. The summary is the relationship with our neighbor took a serious blow, and I don’t know how willing she is to allow it to be repaired. We will talk tomorrow and see. Normally, we would have dealt with it today, but they are having a family celebration, and we aren’t going to interrupt that.

I’ll be honest. I don’t want my neighbor mad. I like her. I like her family, and I even like her dogs. She thinks I overreacted. She thinks it is about her dogs barking. She thinks the cat was trespassing and whatever happens to the cat happens. I see where one could argue that it was her private property and her private business. I could argue that the dogs barked for over and hour and a half virtually non-stop making it impossible to enjoy my backyard. It’s more than that, though.

For me, it was less about the animals involved and far more about my children. All I kept thinking was, “I will not let those dogs kill that cat in front of my children, and I will not make my children go in the house and try to explain to them why I am ignoring a situation in which an animal is killed because of my inaction, especially when all we have to do is distract the dogs for five minutes so the cat can leave.”

It took less than five minutes. It took less than three minutes for the cat to leave once it had an open road. My children rejoiced and shouted for joy longer than that.

After we were home and beginning to be still, I processed the seething email I had received. As I considered the consequences of what I had done, my daughter came up to me and hugged me. “Thanks, Mom,” she said blissfully. Surprised, I asked for what. She looked at me with twinkling eyes and said, “For being the kind of mom who is willing to stop by the road to save a caterpillar and for being the kind of mom who tries so hard to make sure a stray dog is safe and for being the kind of mom who does whatever she has to so a cat isn’t killed just because dogs won’t come when their names are called. You are magnificent.”

My son walked in about that time, and he joined in the accolades, “Yeah, Mom, you are the ultimate animal rescue hero.”

My daughter nodded. “Yeah, that is what you are—a hero.”

Yes, my neighbor is mad. You might even agree with her. That’s okay. I won’t try to convince you otherwise. We could argue it both ways. There is one thing that cannot be argued, though. When my children see their friends next, they’ll brag on their mom, the Animal Rescue Hero.

Sometimes life requires choosing who to impress and who to offend. Today, I think I chose well. Granted, I upset some folks, BUT, my children think I am a hero.

Copyright Jerri Phillips 2007

Redeeming Awe-ctober

2007-10-28T13:29:00.000-05:00

For about two decades now, I have not enjoyed October. Emotionally and mentally I have found it to be melancholy at best and clearly depressing more often than not. This is not an emotional response or descriptive given with undue thought. On the contrary, it wasn’t until I reviewed years of journals that an undeniable pattern emerged. October for me, and for several others I know, is not a good month.

I have grown to dread October. I am sure much of what I and my friends experience is related to the freedom of demonic activity related to Halloween. It is a demonic celebration, and frankly, I don’t see how anyone can make a demonic holiday Christian. We don’t suggest we can make a religious porn flick, but we try to take a demonic holiday and make it fun and Christianize it. Granted, we do use movies (not porn, but the same form of media) to reach the lost, and I can see the link of fall festivals and evangelism. However, when Christians put spiders, witches, ghosts, and all form of witchcraft in and outside their homes because “it’s fun”, we are simply saying, “Yes, Satan, this is a form in which we are willing to let you run wild.” And he does.

As a result, there is an unleashing in the spiritual and a demonic freedom in the spiritual during this time of year that effects many of us, and I hate it.

This year, however, has been different. This year my children went on the offensive.

I was doing dishes when two sets of small feet walked into the kitchen and stood behind me. “Mom, can God redeem anything?” my children asked in unison.

“Yes,” I said without hesitation.

“Even October?” they asked.

I froze. Even October? My head reeled. Well, God can redeem anything, but October is so steeped in demonic stuff…Then the Lord spoke to my heart, “Can I redeem anything or not? Am I bigger than all the demons in hell…or not?”

“Yes, God can redeem October,” I replied. How much I believed it, I don’t know. I’m just being honest. How would God redeem October? What would that look like? My children were already there.

“Mom, how can we redeem October?” they continued.

I turned from my sink full of dishes to face my children whose hearts where on a wavelength I was just catching. I had no answer. I only had questions. “What do you think?”

They didn’t have answers, but they had insight. Halloween is about death, fear, and darkness. The opposite would be life, hope, and light. How could we give those things, and to whom would we give them?

At first, it was a little bumpy, but suddenly, their hearts melded with the Father’s and ideas poured forth. In the end, there was one summary: “We can love people however God says, whenever God says. We can help people have a better day. We can be light in the darkness.” Their mission was set, and they have been faithful to the mission of redemption.

Amazing the power of choosing to be instruments of redemption. Amazing how that opens the door for God to be redemptive.

In September, I suffered headaches that were debilitating. Examinations showed extremely strained eye muscles that had to be rested. After two weeks of rest and new glasses, the headaches continued. Then Rob and the children were hit with the respiratory virus going around that lasted a full 7 days with high fever and sleepless nights. During that time, my mom was diagnosed as having a mini-stroke. We had our heater checked and found out the heating element wasn't working. A $123 part. The day my mom went in for extensive tests, I spent the morning transporting my son from doctor to various tests to determine the source of his chest pains. On the way to the hospital, my van stalled 4 times for no apparent reason. As we were leaving the hospital, the handle on the outside of the back door broke, and when I pulled onto a busy road, the door flew open.

As I lay on my bed that afternoon waiting for the doctor to call with EKG results or my mom to call with any results, I murmured, “I hate October.”

The Lord replied, “I am redeeming October.” Again, I wondered, How?

Last week—two weeks after the EKG—we finally got the results. All tests are clear. It seems that my son was just sore from the coughing and sneezing. All indications are that the blood clot behind Mom’s eye has dissolved and is no longer a concern. Our heater is working. The piece was replaced the day our temperatures dropped from mid- to high- 80s during the day and 60s at night to 60s for highs and low-40s or even high-30s at night. The personal side of that story is that I am notorious for remembering to have our heater checked about December, weeks or even a few months after we start using it. Usually, our maintenance company calls me. This year I was compelled to call while it was still warm. Had we tried to use the heater with a broken heating element, I wouldn’t have known about the problem until we either smelled the gas because it filled up the house or because the hot water heater ignited the gas and it exploded. While the van door handle isn’t fixed, the latch does. The door stays closed. No source for the stalling was ever determined so there were no other expenses, and there has been no further problems.

Every concern we have faced this month has been met by God’s provision. And there is more.

A friendship that was nearly broken two years ago has been restored. We have a friend who was diagnosed with a mass in her kidney and underwent surgery. The family was told the mass was almost guaranteed to be cancerous. The x-rays clearly show a mass, but after prayer, the surgeon found nothing. Further x-rays and tests confirm there is no longer anything there. Our friend who has been standing in faith for her marriage to be restored called this week to tell us her husband had broken ties with his girlfriend, moved out of her home, and has taken steps toward restoration of their marriage. And there are day to day reminders of God’s blessings in forms of emails, cards from friends, and chances to minister and receive ministry.

Friday I was talking to a friend of mine, and I said, “You know, I went into this month dreading October. I have spent this month watching God overcome every obstacle that has been thrown at my family and big ones thrown at our friends, and I just keep thinking of how blessed we all are.”

It leaves me in awe.

In the past month, I have not posted much. I’ve received several emails asking where I am and how I am. I didn’t know what to say then, but now I do.

I have been on my face. I have been dancing wildly.
I have been overwhelmed. I have been on top of the world.
I have been in pain. I have been in ecstasy.
I have been in tears of brokenness and joy.
I have watched the enemy attack. I have watched the Lord overcome.
I have been desperate. I have watched the Lord respond.

I have been in Awe-ctober, and because of God’s redeeming power, it has truly been Awe-some.

Copyright Jerri Phillips 2007

Finally Time to Dance: A Novel

2007-10-14T12:15:00.000-05:00

Finally Time to Dance: A Novel
By Mamie Thompson

Mamie Thompson is my friend. I know her as many things. I know her as a devoted wife, a wonderful mother, and a gifted speaker and writer. I also know her as a woman of deep faith who has walked on water while the storm raged around her. I know her as a woman of God who has faced heartbreaking life changes and has overcome them. I also know her as an anointed voice of healing for those who have lost people they love and are courageously moving forward to receive the joy and blessings the Lord is still holding out to them.

In 2001 Mamie lost her beloved husband and best friend to brain cancer. As friends, we watched the Lord carry her and their five beautiful children into a new season of life. We watched their family be blessed and continue to live boldly, and then we rejoiced when the Lord blessed Mamie with love again. When Mamie and Richard married in 2004, friends and family gathered and celebrated. It was obvious this union was of the Lord.

Sometimes, though, even things of the Lord are not easy to receive. Sometimes questions set in. Sometimes peace has to be made with what is behind before we can move forward.

In her debut fiction book Finally Time to Dance, Mamie courageously delves into the blessings and trials of love after death. It is a portrait of fear, healing, and restoration in an honest expression of the heart’s struggle to receive great things after deep loss.

While Finally Time to Dance is a fictional expression of Mamie’s journey, it is more than a cathartic novel written by a woman facing her own trials. There is an anointing of freedom and healing that allows readers who are themselves widows or widowers to be found in all the honesty of their emotions, dreams, and fears. It validates the struggle within while encouraging the reader to trust that indeed the Lord has a plan to give hope and a future, one filled with good things and blessings.

For friends and family of those who have faced death and are learning to love again, it is a view into the heart and mind that people who have never experienced such loss cannot know. It is heart wrenching and enlightening all at the same time. The honesty it offers also bridges gaps in understanding and opens doors that give freedom and safety for honest conversation.

One thing you won’t find in Finally Time to Dance is an ending all tied up in a pretty bow. Instead, you find the characters willing to step into the possibility of the future God is offering them. The ending may seem abrupt, leaving the reader feeling as though the ground has been jerked out from under them, wondering what is next. Is that not a good description of those who have lost their spouse and are still seeking to live? While it may feel awkward, it is the appropriate ending. Mamie wisely rests the responsibility for the ending upon the reader, which is where it truly lies. As one anointed to show the power of God to heal and restore, Mamie does not leave readers with a tidy little package that holds all the answers. Instead, she leaves them with something greater--the hope that it is truly Finally Time to Dance.

To find out more about this excellent book, get a free preview, or order your own copy, please visit Finally Time to Dance at AuthorHouse.com.

You can find out more about Mamie and contact her via her website.

About the book:

Alone with her best friend for the last time, Megan walked slowly to his side. She breathed deeply and tried to stop the tears as she looked down at the crayon drawings and wadded tissues that his children had laid on their father’s chest.

“Catch you on the flip side, Bud.”

Megan Hardin walked out of the church that day knowing God was holding her hand. What she didn’t expect was for Him to give it in marriage.

When Ron Wellbourne befriends Megan and finds his way back to God, he falls in love with the lovely young widow and sets out, successfully, to make her family his own. Megan stands amazed at God’s grace, thankful He’s led her to love again.

After only a few weeks of marriage, however, Megan begins to question God’s direction. Did she misunderstand? Should she have risked loving, and possibly losing, again?

When their new life begins to unravel, Ron and Megan wonder if they will ever see the day when it’s Finally Time to Dance.

The Reality of War

2007-10-01T08:18:00.000-05:00

Lately I’ve been hearing comments that have been bothering me. They aren’t new. The philosophy and theology behind them aren’t new, but my reaction to them is. Instead of having sympathy or commiserating, I’m getting annoyed. Actually, I think I'm beyond annoyed because I realize the mindset behind the statement gives too much power where it doesn't belong. It creates weakness where strength should abound. I see the lie that is just enough Truth to keep people from being free, and it is time for the sword to cut loose the shackles.

What is this statement, you wonder? It’s a statement so innocuous that it has become cliché and evokes no response of action but rather feeds the victim mentality that allows us to live impotent lives because we are at the mercy of the powers that be, and sadly, we put more faith in the power that be against us than that which is for us. And before you misinterpret, my annoyance isn’t aimed toward an individual speaker. My annoyance is toward the generalized ignorance of the church as a whole that perpetuates the thinking that keeps us from preparing appropriately for the inevitable and thus enabling us to continue to give excuse for not living at higher levels of spiritual power and maturity.

The statement has different versions , but it all comes down to one simple statement: The enemy is attacking me in some way, and it’s making things hard.

And people seem somehow surprised or like they are the only ones or that they should in some way be exempt. I’m not sure what their thoughts are exactly. I only know the results. And understand, I’m not judging. I have no room to judge. I’ve said the same things, felt the same way. “Poor me, I’m being attacked. Feel sorry for me. I’m being attacked. I’m so godly or doing so much for the Kingdom the enemy sees me as a threat, and I’m being attacked. I’m making progress, and the enemy is attacking me.” I’m telling you. I’ve been there.

We wear the scars of the onslaught like a badge. We use it to get sympathy or esteem or both. It’s a reason for special treatment one way or the other. It’s an explanation for why we act the way we do. You know what it really is? It’s an excuse not to live above where we are.

Now, I’m not saying we are never attacked, and I’m certainly not suggesting we live in denial. In fact, I’m saying we need to do just the opposite. We need to acknowledge that we are in a war. These are not potshots that the enemy is taking to ruin our day. These are bombs he has devised to destroy our lives. We are either stupid or ignorant if we think otherwise.

Jesus told us about the enemy of our soul who wants to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). Peter said the enemy goes about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8). Paul said “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 6:12).

Why are we surprised when the enemy attacks us? We shouldn’t be.

Last week I was talking to someone, and she mentioned how “the enemy attacked you yesterday because of the women’s group you are leading.” I looked at her and said simply, “Honey, I’m a Christian. The enemy is going to attack me whether I’m leading a women’s group or not, and to believe otherwise is beyond naïve. It is a setup for a downfall.”

Last night I received an email from someone that said, “Pray for us. We are in a battle up here.”

My first thought was, “Duh. We’re in one here, too. Welcome to being a Christian.”

And you know what? It’s not like being a Christian is going to stop the enemy from attacking. His being, his essence, is that of destruction.

Look at all the children who are set upon by the enemy. Look at the drug addicts who don’t even know who Jesus is. Look at the prostitutes who have never been told about God. You cannot describe the assault on their lives as anything less than demonic, and it wasn’t because they were busy building the Kingdom. The enemy’s attacks are not in relation to one’s spiritual status. The enemy is who he is, and he is a hate-driven destroyer whose plan today is to do whatever he can to steal, kill, and destroy any life he can.

I’m not sure why the church seems so nonchalant with the idea that we are at war. The whole topic is treated as one we should skirt around or bow beneath in fear. It’s like taxes. It’s part of life, so you just learn to live with it and cope with the oppression.

Where exactly is that in scripture? I haven’t found it. Jesus dealt with the same attacks we do. People didn’t believe in Him. Religious people thought He was crazy. His “group” was full of folks who might get it right or not on any given day. When He needed them most, they went to sleep on Him. His family thought He was crazy. He was an illegitimate child raised in a society where folks could die for that sort of thing.

Where did Jesus ever use the attacks of the enemy or circumstances of life as an excuse for having a bad day, for not living up to potential, or for hiding from His calling? I’ve yet to find a place where He did. You know why? Because He knew three very important things:

1) He knew who He was.
2) He knew who His Father was.
3) And He knew who the enemy was.

Jesus knew the enemy’s character is destruction. He also knew His Father was bigger. He knew His plan was bigger, and He knew on any given day the enemy would be who he is but that did not preclude Jesus being who He is. Jesus expected Satan to act like Satan, but He also expected His Father to act like God Almighty, too. The latter is what empowered Jesus to be who He is. Therein is the key.

If we believe we are going to have a day when Satan does not attack us, we have believed a delusional lie that is setting us up for a fall. Satan can’t not attack us. It’s against his nature. He will attack us. That is not the question. The question is how we will respond.

The joy of our day and the power we walk in cannot be dependent on not being attacked by the enemy. Our joy and our power is dependent on one thing only: our identity in Christ.

When Jesus was attacked by Satan in the wilderness, Jesus didn’t falter because He knew the Truth. When He was heckled for saying the little girl was only sleeping, He didn’t waiver because He knew He was the Healer. When His family doubted, He didn’t because He knew His Father. When the storm rocked the boat, He slept because He knew His purpose wasn’t done and He knew the One who controlled the waves. Over and over the enemy threw sources of discouragement, rejection, and doubt at Jesus, and Jesus never faltered because He knew who He was.

We talk about the armor of God. It’s a nice phrase, but do we understand it? Have we dug in and learned the Truth so we can buckle on the belt? Do we understand that salvation is more than a “someday in Heaven” thing so we can wear the helmet without it falling in front of our eyes keeping us from seeing and being ready to attack what is in front of us? Do we walk in peace, or are we tripping over the enemy’s false definition of it? Do we know the basis of our righteousness and what it affords us so we can protect our hearts, or are we still trying to earn it and having hearts diseased with guilt and condemnation? Do we know the Word so we can use our swords? Do we have faith to pick up the shield little less use it?

Folks, we are at war. There is an enemy with a relentless desire to steal or destroy everything he can. To think we can escape or avoid him is sheer ignorance. To think we can ignore him and hopefully come out intact is apathetic. To let him go unchecked is irresponsible.

Jesus never baited the enemy, and I’m not suggesting we do. However, Jesus never ran from the enemy, and He never circumvented His call in an effort to avoid the enemy either. If we are going to be the light this world needs and be the agents that the Lord can use in order to allow His Kingdom to invade this world, we can no longer be surprised by the enemy’s character or be victim to fear of his attacks. Jesus faced the same attacks daily that we do, and yet, He walked victoriously. Jesus said it simply, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world (John 16:33).”

It is time for the army of God to stand up, take responsibility for being warriors, and walk in the victory of Christ. We have a world take. We have marriages to defend and families to protect.

Victory will not be determined by your not feeling the enemy’s attack today. It’ll be determined by how you respond. Are you prepared to be victorious?

Copyright Jerri Phillips 2007

The Blessing of Clouds

2007-09-28T07:54:00.000-05:00

This morning the Lord woke me up early enough to see the sunrise. As the light began to creep into the sky, the shadow of clouds could be seen. Sometimes that does not bode well for a sunrise. However, today, as the sun hit the clouds, the light diffused, and the sky was covered with rich purples and pinks.

As I watched the magnificent display, I was reminded that white light that is invisible to us is made evident when the clouds diffuse the light into its elements. The clouds actually make it so we can see the light.

Often we use clouds as a metaphor to describe hard, sad, or troubled times. We consider them the things that hide the fun or joy of life. As Christians, we refer to them as the trials in life that “try to hide the sun (Son)”. If anything tries to distract us from Jesus or keep Him from being obvious as a huge mass of warm fuzzies, we declare that thing to be a cloud, and it is met with our contempt.

The clouds serve purposes, though. Clouds, for all the metaphorical misery, are blessings. Clouds have the ability to take invisible white light and show off its colors. In the same way, the trials and dark spots of life have the ability to show the various facets of God. In the hard places, the painful moments, and the crushing attacks, we find God to be a strong tower, loving Father, and mighty warrior. At various times circumstances accentuate His mercy, His love, His discipline, and His passion. Without them, He would become the sun in the desert--an aloof object so far away that it is primarily irrelevant and taken for granted, often times seen as cruel and overbearing in what it takes in relation to how little it appears to give. Isn’t that really what law without expression of love is? Overbearing? Cruel? Demanding? Destructive?

Presently, my backyard is starting to see the beginning rays of the day. The sun has risen above the clouds, and its rays are spilling into the neighborhood. The light is glorious. It always is. Sometimes the clouds remind me just how much.

All text and artwork Copyright © 2007 Jerri Phillips

I'm Smiling

2007-09-27T20:42:00.000-05:00

I have three sick folk in my house. The coughing, sneezing, wheezing, and motion of the lovely folks manifesting the presently mentioned symptoms keep me up at night. And there is other stuff, both physical demands, emotional letdowns, and mental battles. It has made for a tiring week. I didn't realize how much so until someone asked me to do something for her that "would only take a few hours and won't be hard" and I started to cry.

All of us have days like that. Some folks aren't cry-ers, but they have days like that.

Today, my friend Michael, the one who is happy with growing older, sent me some thoughts on friendship. Today, I needed a friend, and his thoughts were exactly what I needed. Maybe they are what you need to, so I share...

"TrueFriendship"

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see the stone cold truth of our friendship.

When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry son of a gun who made you that way.
When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile -- I will know you finally got what you needed.
When you are scared -- I will be in shock, because I have never seen you scared. But, I will be there anyway, and I will probably be terrified.
When you are worried -- I will tell you stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
When you are confused -- I will use little words.
When you are sick -- Stay the heck away from me until you are well again. I don't want to catch whatever you have.
When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy behind. Then I will bend over and pick you up.

This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask?, "Because you are my friend".

Friendship is like peeing your pants: everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

And remember....when life hands you lemons, get some tequila, beer, and salt and call me!
We all deserve a laugh with a friend!

Taking a Jaunt

2007-09-27T16:14:00.001-05:00

All you moms have got to venture over to Jessica's site. She has a video up there that had me laughing so hard I had to listen to it more than once just to hear the whole thing. Then I had Rob listen to it, and he laughed, too. I think I've seen it before, but it is worth the 3 minutes to watch it again.

All About Me

2007-09-24T18:40:00.001-05:00

My friend Jessica Dromgoole tagged me. The gig is to tell 8 things others don't know about you. I'm thinking if no one knows, there may be a reason...And I'm writer. I can't figure out what in the world there is to tell that hasn't been told, BUT I like these games, so I'm going to venture into the world of the unknown and see what I can rummage up that you might find interesting or at least oddly curious.

1. I like my name. I wasn't really named after my dad although he was Jerry first. My great aunt named me. Dad said, "She just had a knowing about her." I have since realized this "knowing" was a prophetic gift. When I was born, she asked if Dad had a name yet. He said no and asked if she did. She said my name is Jerri. Jerri means different things, but the one I found most often in my life is "mighty warrior". My middle name means "skilled archer". What cool names, huh?

2. When I was little, the way things worked fascinated me, so I would take things apart to figure out how they worked. If I couldn't get them to work after I put them back together, I buried them around the farm, mostly in an unvisited area of our 1+ acre yard. If anyone wandered around out there with a metal detector, my "efforts" would drive them crazy.

3. One of my favorite pets I ever had was a raccoon named Freddy. My dad found it, and there was no mom. We raised him on the bottle and had him for years. One night he got out and the wild instincts kicked back in. He attacked our chicken coop. Instead of killing him, my dad trapped him in a live trap, drove over two hours away and let him go in a wooded area.

4. I would rather walk in the rain without an umbrella than with one. Rob says that everyone knows that, but maybe he's wrong.

5. My mom and I made my wedding dress. I did all the beadwork by hand. my mom did the sewing. My wedding dress had 55 YARDS of ruffles on the skirt. My mom and I cut them with the satin laying from end to end in the altar area of our church, and she zigzagged heavy fishing wire into the bottom to make them wavey, and then sewed everyone one of those wonderful ruffles onto my skirt. Did I mention my mom rocks?

6. My favorite musical instrument is a cello.

7. Some things I want to do someday include Latin dance classes, coaching basketball, playing the cello, and acting on live stage.

8. I have performed twice in Times Square in New York with Project Dance. Each April they host a concert at the corner of 44th and Broadway, and from 9 am to 7 pm (with a break from 1-3 for the matinees in the area), they present the gospel of Christ through the performing arts. Last year it was a slew of magnificent dancers, a mime, and me. I interpret music using worship sign.

Now I get to tag...
Jan
Tonya
Jenny
Paula

No Weapon Formed Against Me Shall Prosper

2007-09-19T22:57:00.000-05:00

Do you know we are in a war? Seriously. I’m not asking if you know there is a good and evil. I’m not asking if you believe in Heaven and Hell. I’m asking if you know there is an enemy whose desire is nothing less than your destruction and eternal damnation.

The Bible says the enemy goes about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. It also says his character, the very thing that drives him, is the desire to kill, steal, and destroy. I think most of us do not realize the ravenous appetite of destruction that drives the enemy. I think we underestimate his hatred. I think we underestimate his cunning. I think we underestimate his willingness to use anything as a weapon against us, including those we love and who love us most.

This is not the stuff of childhood nightmares. This is real, and you better believe you are a target for the enemy’s rage.

Now, let me ask you this: Do you know there is a God who has power over this enemy? Do you know that the greatest weapon the enemy has is death, and it was defeated 2000 years ago when a stone moved and Jesus walked out of a tomb after laying there dead three days? Do you know the same power that caused that heart to pump and that blood to flow after laying there cold and stiff for three days lives in you? Are you aware that the authority that allowed Christ to speak to the sick in body and mind and give healing has been given to you as His ambassador in this world? Do you know as a child of God reigning with Christ you have the same authorities over demons that Christ did? And do you know that the very God who released the power to raise Christ from the dead and was the Father Christ looked to as an example of everything He said and did has declared that no weapon formed against you shall prosper?

Do you understand that whatever the enemy throws at you God has already prepared victory for you? Let me put it this way:

NO WEAPON—NO PLAN OF THE ENEMY TO KILL, STEAL, OR DESTROY THE POWER OF LIFE THAT RESIDES WITHIN YOU AS A CHILD OF GOD—WILL PROSPER.

That is a promise from the book of Isaiah. If you believe Christ truly died to forgive your sins, you can have just as much faith that no weapon formed against you shall prosper.

Let me rephrase that. I, Jerri, know that my God sent His Son to die on a cross for me because He is the Giver of Life, and when I accepted Jesus into my heart, the Lord poured Life into it, and there is nothing the enemy can throw at me that will prosper or succeed against that Life. Jesus is my Way, my Truth, and my Life, and the enemy cannot destroy, steal, or kill that. My Jesus is rock solid, and Life reigns in me.

I bring this up because I’ve been seeing new weapons, and they caught me off guard. Praise the Lord for the Holy Spirit who leads me into all truth, reveals the plans of the enemy, and reminds me of my True identity. If it weren’t for Him, I’d be hiding in a hole right now, and I don’t know when I would come out. However, because God is faithful to reveal the Truth and set us free from any condemnation or shame that the enemy tries to heap on us, I can write you about the weapons used, why they can be effective, and why they won’t prosper.

The first new weapon hit me broadside yesterday morning. We had spent a few days at the beach and were enjoying our last morning in the sun when the enemy whispered, “You only make this trip once a year. You only have three to five more years when the children are going to want to do this. In fact, you probably have less because once they get close to their teens they won’t want to build castles, dig holes, and boogey board like they do now. All these sweet things you love to do will just be memories. Just think about it. Maybe a total of 24-30 more hours of this kind of joy with your children. That’s hardly more than a day. You have less than two days total of this kind of fun left before your children don’t care anymore, and it’s all in the past.”

Now, you are probably thinking, “Jer, that’s crazy. That is just gloom and doom and misery…Jer, it takes effort to be that dark.” If you are, YOU’RE RIGHT!!! It does, and that should be the first sign these are not my thoughts!

When those thoughts came to me, I was standing hip deep in some chilly water letting waves splash by me so my children could laugh and crash (if you have a boy, you know) on their boogey boards. I was laughing and loving the time with my family. My thoughts were, “Wow, God, you’ve done an incredible job of healing me so that I can stand out here and do nothing but watch them play while I fight shifting sand under my feet and absolutely love it. I love being with my children, and I love how much I enjoy them. You are amazing, and I thank you for giving my life to me. This is beyond anything I thought would ever happen.” I'm glorying in the healing and restoration of my heart and family when suddenly, it’s gloom, despair, and agony on me.

My thoughts were joy, gratitude, and life. Those thoughts that suddenly assailed me were death. Those were not my thoughts. Those thoughts were a weapon the enemy was using to destroy my joy and the life the Lord had given me in my spirit and heart.

At first, sadness washed over me. Then I thought, “I’ve wasted so much time. I’ve been so broken for so long, and I wasted so much time. I’ll never get it back, and now time is so short, and I don’t know if I can make a difference, and what if I have done so much damage I can’t fix it? What if the children really don’t want to be around me when they are older? I’ve squandered the time, and it’s gone.”

Again, those are NOT MY THOUGHTS. My thoughts were all about what God had done and is doing. My thoughts focused on God’s restoration and healing. My thoughts were focused on hope and a future. My thoughts were looking forward with excitement. How can thoughts change so quickly? BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT MINE!

Those thoughts were well targeted emotional missiles that were sent to bring me down mentally and spiritually. Those thoughts were sent to destroy my hope, steal my joy, and kill my faith. Those thoughts were death-based. Know how I know? Look at the focus. My past actions. My past brokenness. What was missing. My inability to fix things. Hopelessness. Damage and wounding in me and by me. Fear. Shame. Condemnation.

What might have looked like simple “negative thoughts” were actually weapons designed to exploit areas where the enemy had been successful at pulling me down in the past.

I admit when they first hit I was sent reeling for a moment. Then the Spirit said something simple, “No weapon formed against you shall prosper.” FREEDOM! I did not have to stay in that emotional mire any longer, and instead of expending a bunch of energy to “overcome”, I simply said, “Yeah, your right. The Lord already handled that.” When my emotions didn’t line up, I prayed, “Lord, the enemy threw death at me. I know it is a lie. I want to enjoy the Life you gave me. Please restore to me the joy I had before.” And He did.

Now, as you know, the enemy does not get rebuffed once and go home with his tail between his legs. He has to see if he can wear us down, and I had to declare several times that no weapon formed against me would prosper. I even said aloud, “I will not choose death. I choose Life, and I choose the joy the Lord has provided. I am bound to God and His heart for me, and I will walk in nothing less.” Sometimes I had to confess mentally wandering down the “someday” road, which is another weapon. God says to pray for today’s bread because anything beyond that is His domain, and we don’t need to be worrying about His domain. "Someday" only makes us anxious wondering if we are doing enough today. I had to confess entertaining the thoughts (i.e. playing with the enemy's missiles as though they were harmless toys) and ask forgiveness and get back in agreement with the Lord. He is faithful to forgive and restore, and we were back on track.

I have to confess that I was feeling pretty good about my victory when I went to bed last night. I had heard the Spirit. I had walked in the Spirit. I had taken thoughts captive. I had stood in my identity in the Lord. I won, and really, it wasn’t that hard, and I was sort of excited that the old weapons weren’t working so the enemy had to try something new. To me that meant I was growing, and that was exciting.

Then came this morning.

The enemy didn’t come with a weapon. He came with an entire platoon. I’ve been overcoming an impacted sinus infection for a week. The medicines I’m on are attacking the infection and allowing the gunk to drain but have the effects of legalized Speed. I have been sleeping 3-5 hours each night, and that has been in increments. Today the stuff in my head is really breaking up and draining, so my ears ache. My throat is sore. I am nauseated and dizzy, and the room spins a lot. Between the fatigue and the meds, to say my thinking is fuzzy would be an understatement. To say my temperament was lagging also would be an understatement.

Unfortunately, I thought too highly of my spiritual victories, and after overreacting to a few things, I decided the family was better off with my trying to get less done, so I tried to find a place where I was accessible but not obstructive.

At one point, I was just sitting trying to read and keep the information in my brain long enough to remember the last statement my eyes had followed when Anna asked, “So, Mom, how is your day going?”

“I’m having a great day.”

Anna sighed and said, “I’m sorry, Mom. I just had an ugly thought, and I’m sorry. I just thought, ‘Please don’t say you’re stressed like you always do.’”

This is what happened in the next few seconds:

I looked at my beautiful daughter who was clearly second guessing the wisdom in her confession.

The Holy Spirit said, “No weapon formed against you shall prosper.”

The enemy said, “See, you are such a crappy mom. Your daughter is afraid for you to talk to her. She is afraid to even ask how your day is. Do you see what you’ve done? You’ve taught your children to dread asking how you are. Their hearts are hard against you, and you know all the ways they’ll try to find love and acceptance and someone who won’t be stressed. You’ve condemned them to a life of seeking what you failed to give them, and they’ll look in all the wrong places. They are wounded, and it’s all your fault. You are just like your dad, and they’ll be just like you.”

My spirit rose up and raised my sword and shield and looked the enemy in the eye and said, “I have a new name, and I won’t walk in your shame and condemnation any more. I will glory in the healing and deliverance of my God.”

I said calmly to Anna, “Anna, have I answered that way lately? Have I been stressed lately?” She shook her head. I continued, “Anna, I used to be that way, but just like God is doing a work in you, He is doing a work in me, too, and I am not the high strung person I used to be, and I’m not stressed. I need to go to bed and get well, but I’m not stressed. I’m blessed, and I am thankful to be your mom.”

Now, I could go on for a few pages and tell you the truths of my past. I was high strung. I was so busy trying to be the perfect mom and perfect wife and perfect person that I didn’t enjoy any of it, but the Lord has set me free from that. I enjoy being a mom. I enjoy being a wife. I’m excited about who I am and what my life has in it. I’m excited about where I am going. Yes, time passed while I was broken, but God holds time in His hand, and He can do what He needs to with it. The enemy tries to steal the Life the Lord has planned for us and placed in us, but no weapon—not past brokenness, not today’s illness—will prosper against the purposes of the Lord in my life or the lives of my children.

I love how the Amplified puts it:
17 But no weapon that is formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgment you shall show to be in the wrong. This [peace, righteousness, security, triumph over opposition] is the heritage of the servants of the Lord [those in whom the ideal Servant of the Lord is reproduced]; this is the righteousness or the vindication which they obtain from Me [this is that which I impart to them as their justification], says the Lord. – Isaiah 54

Every tongue that rises against me in judgment. The tongue of the Accuser. The tongues spewing half-truths or misinterpreted information. Any tongue that wants to steal, kill, or destroy the Truth about me or in me.

This peace, security, and triumph over opposition is my heritage because I responded to God’s love by acknowledging Christ as my Savior, and Christ is being replicated in me. Everything He had and was is being replicated in me.

And all of this is a gift from my Heavenly Father. It is His work and His impartation. He has declared it to be so, and therefore it is.

And so, I am going to bed having battled through the day, knowing the enemy will be ready to attack again tomorrow. The weapons will look different, and I might take some hits, but despite knowing that, I am so peaceful because I know my God. I know His character. I know His promises, and I know no weapon formed against me will prosper.

copyright Jerri Phillips @ 2007

Any Soldier

2007-09-15T00:43:00.000-05:00

At Jan's suggestion, I am going to share with you about my family's choice to "adopt" and support a soldier and her unit in Iraq. I've hesitated to talk about this much because of several reasons, but Jan suggested that talking about it might demonstrate how truly easy and so greatly appreciated it is, so here is our story.

Last April, we adopted a unit of soldiers that are actively serving in Iraq. Let me explain what I mean by that. We made the choice to pick a unit that we committed to supporting for as long as they were deployed. I went on the Any Soldier site and looked through their huge database of soldiers to find one we felt we could support.

How I Picked
First, I prayed. I’m not trying to sound religious. I’m telling you the truth. I wanted a unit we could make a difference with, one that would be blessed by our family and would appreciate our style of support. I knew the children were going to draw pictures, and we would send souvenirs from trips, and I wanted the Lord to bless someone with those and not give them to someone who would think they were goofy.

Second, I knew I would be the primary contact on behalf of our family, so I decided to find a female soldier in a troop with other females. I thought I could figure out what they might like more than I might could a male. So I looked up troops based on number of females. Next, I narrowed my search by determining the size of troop we could support. We cannot support 50 or 100 people, but we could support 10-15.

The next round of requirements was quirky. “Lord, show me something that means something to me.” I found PFC Kathryn Muller. Kathryn means grace. It was going to be the name of our second daughter if we had one. Muller is the last name of a friend of mine from high school who was a highlight of the last years of my dad’s life. My friend had indeed graced us in his love for and friendship with my dad, and the name connected to me emotionally. As it turned out, her unit had 10 women and 10 men. I decided we could do that, and I requested her address.

Our Commitment
I had to consider what we were willing to commit to in this endeavor. I decided we would send a letter each week and a package once a month. The package would include something for all of them. Some weeks I write more, and some months we send more, but that was the minimum I wanted to do. Let me reiterate, this is our chosen level of commitment. If you choose to support a soldier, it can be a one time letter, card, or package. ALL support means so much to them. Don’t let what a person or group does determine what you do. You do what God leads you to do.

The Letters
As I said, I committed to writing weekly. I often get asked what I write about. Anything. Everything.

I’ve written about:
My dad
The children’s diving classes
My photos being published in Studio G
The zit under my nose that hurts every time I blow my nose (okay, I haven’t written about that, but I might if it isn’t gone before I write again)
The spider web at Lake Tawakoni
Fred
Playing in the sprinkler on the trampoline
The rain (that gave me LOTS to write about this year)
Mowing the yard
That I like to iron
School
The Water Gardens in Fort Worth
Ways God blesses me daily
A Day in the Life of a Domestic Diva (and, yes, I did mean me)—that was fun. I told them about scrubbing toilets, the fact that I prefer green cleaning things, the fact that my bathmat stuck to the floor and I had to hand scrub the tile to get the sticky off
Being up with Robert when he had respiratory problems
Pink Impact
Tadpoles
The peach tree collapse
Making peach preserves and the 3 hours it took to peel the peaches, and when we thought we were done, my mom and stepdad gave us more.

I’m not trying to be obnoxiously long here. I just want you to realize that my letters are as basic as our life is. I share the ups and downs. Things that seem horribly mundane to us are connections to home for them. To give you an idea of how much these simple letters mean, I got an email from PFC Muller, and she said:

“Jerri, we appreciate the packages, but it’s your letters. We love them. We put them on the board so people can read them when they come by and have time. It’s our connection to home, and I cannot tell you what they mean to us. Even the mundane to you is precious to us. Even if you can’t send packages, please keep sending the letters. And we love the papers the children send. Tell them to send all they want. You are our family, and we love you.”

Being the photographer that I am, I splatter the pages with pictures. Tonight I finished a 12 page letter (I’m like the marathon letter writer. 12 pages, and I haven’t even hit my 2nd wind. If you just drop a card in the mail that says, “I’m praying for you,” it’ll be just as good. The key is getting something in the mail). I put in a huge amount of pictures. The text was maybe half of the letter. The rest was the pictures that go with our stories. Pictures of home are precious to our soldiers. It keeps them in contact and grounded emotionally. That brings up another thought….

Pictures
The pictures I put in my letters vary as much as the content. I have put in pictures of:
Spiders
a snake
peaches
waterfalls
Robert’s feet splashing in a water puddle
Ducks
Caterpillars
Webs of webworms
The rain

Whatever was on my camera at the moment. I have even found pictures from last winter about the ice storm we had and told the story about it just because I know it is special to them. (Plus, when you are in 110-120 degree heat, pictures of snow and ice might be a mental boost.) During the spring the children and I walked around the neighborhood with all of our cameras snapping pictures of any kind of flower that had the boldness to show its petals, and we sent the pictures over so the unit could have Spring in Iraq.

Pictures are not required, but if you want to stick them in, they are really appreciated.

Care Packages
There are some legal rules on care packages, and some common sense ones, too, but mostly, if you want to send it, they would like to get it. Things we’ve sent:
Beach balls
Beef jerky
Flip flops (you can imagine what the cashier thought when we bought 12 pair of large women’s flips flops and 12 pair of large men’s flips flops, but it probably wasn’t nearly as interesting as those folks walking by us while we had them all laid out on the floor trying to make sure no two pair of flips flops were exactly alike)
Fingernail polish
Cliff Bars
Body washes
Loofa puffs
Baby powder (sweating can cause chaffing. Baby powder helps)
Odor absorbers (the men’s barracks evidently smells similar to a junior high boys’ locker room. Well, it did before the odor absorbers)
Soap ( scented for the ladies, plain for the gentlemen)
Body Wash
One soldier got water guns from someone, and he raved about them.
Another soldier told how he loved envelopes from one particular family because they always had packets of Kool Aid in them.

When we send something over, we always try to include hard candy and gum. Chocolate melts in the heat right now, but the sugar boost from hard candy and gum can be really good on hot missions.

We also send lots of magazines. One day I was at our dentist’s office, and I asked what they were going to do with their magazines. Toss them. I explained about our soldiers and asked if I could have the magazines to send to Iraq. The first month or two, we had 8-10 magazines. Now all the employees save their magazines, and we have two full boxes each month, so we send the candy and gum in another box.

Another big question is how do we send the packages. The post office has free “one rate” boxes. They are perfect. In one shipment of 3 boxes, we saved over $30 in shipping by using the one rate boxes. Plus, the sizes are perfect. You need to fill out a customs form, but that takes only a few minutes. It is suggested that you not send homemade food because the soldiers are told not to eat it because no one really knows who you are. That is a small limitation though.

We added a little humor to our boxes. We took 23 Texas postcards, and we put a different joke or riddle on each one. Each person got to pick a post card. That gave everyone 23 new jokes to tell and laugh about.

Jan sent a birthday card, and as it turned out, there were 4 people with a birthday, and they all shared the card.

And several of our ideas came from reading other soldiers’ posts and seeing what they needed, so if you want ideas, just peruse the postings.

What It Isn’t
This isn’t a penpal deal. I’ve written PFC Muller every week since April. Due to her unit’s geographic position, I only receive emails every 6-10 weeks, and they are only a paragraph long to let me know they are safe and comment on a few things from the letters. The reality is you may never have a response from the soldier you support, but you can either accept that and continue support OR choose a different soldier.

What It All Comes Down To
There are no “rules” for supporting a soldier through Any Soldier. Even if you don’t want to send letters or packages, reading the profiles give you an idea of how to pray, and you’ll see that many of them will tell you prayer is the greatest thing we can give them.

I will gladly answer any questions I can if you email me or leave a comment, but I have to go right now, though, because I finished a letter to PFC Muller before starting this. There were so many pictures that my computer and printer nearly wigged out while transferring the data. It’s done printing now, though, and I need to get it ready for the mail tomorrow.

The only other thing I can tell you is our family has been so blessed by the chance to support these people who are fighting this war. I thank God we have the chance to do that, and for whatever we give, we believe we've gotten it all back and then some.

Blessings...

Getting Older

2007-09-13T16:19:00.001-05:00

This week I received an email from my very precious friend Michael, and while it was special to me because I know him, I believed the words he wrote were more than just nice thoughts to friends. I felt like they were words of freedom, self-acceptance, and revelation that people needed to hear, so I asked if I could post them here. He generously agreed. May the Lord speak what He will to your hearts through the words Michael penned.

Getting Older

When asked how I felt about being old, I was taken aback. I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, my student was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question. I would ponder it, and let her know.

Old Age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the places that sag. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my father!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly plaster wolf that I didn't need, but looks so great on my sheep skin in the livingroom . I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect and better yet, being loved.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray and falling out. Even to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. Even shaving my head this summer was a surprise. I decided I like the look for now!

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. And I realize that God forgives even the big mistakes, if you ask Him.

So, to answer my student's question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day if I choose, but I won't, really. I prefer cheese! ha ha

MAY OUR FRIENDSHIP NEVER COME APART, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART! THANK YOU LORD FOR MY FAMILY AND MY FRIENDS WHO ARE AS CLOSE AS FAMILY! THEY ARE THE BIGGEST BLESSING IN MY LIFE. I FEEL LOVED BY EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM. MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE SMILES ON YOUR FACES AND IN YOUR HEARTS FOREVER AND EVER! THOSE SMILES THAT COME FROM COUNTING YOUR BLESSINGS!

FRIENDS FOREVER!
Michael

Getting Older copyright Michael Hodges @ 2007

You Know You are a Bonafide Writer When...

2007-09-05T14:45:00.000-05:00

I've been tagged by Jan, and I like these games so...

You know you are a bonafide writer when...

--You don't choose purses on how cute they are but on whether it is big enough to hold your journal.
--You often have to decipher writing done in your sleep because you were just awake enough to realize something was a good idea, but not awake enough to get up, turn the light on, and write it down in "awake English".
--You are in a conversation and finish a thought, but are distracted by trying to figure out how to finish that better in a book or article.
--Consider "roughing it" to mean you write by hand in a journal rather than on a computer.
--You know which pen you used when writing something down based on the characteristics of the ink.
--While others may believe a pen is just a pen, you know better.
--When you write in a journal, you leave the opposite page clear for future notes and thoughts because eventually they will come.
--Others escape from their computers, and you escape to yours.
--Your "desk" consists of a recliner and a table beside it for your coffee.
--When planning a trip to the beach, you wonder how you'll keep sand out of the keyboard.
--At then beach, you sit under the umbrella so you can still see the computer screen.
--You think proper work attire is pajamas.

And, yes, I'm a bonafide writer. Are you? Is so, tell us how you know.

Twice is Really Nice

2007-09-04T15:55:00.000-05:00

I was picked a second time for the Nice Award. Granted, it was a week ago, but it was after Paula picked me, and I've been planning to post it, but life has intervened. Today, however, I am going to take out my award and put it where I can see it.

Today is a day when I need a nice award. It is the kind of day when I need to be reminded of who I truly am, not who this flesh acts like. And really, I am nice. In fact, let me tell you some other things I am.

I am patient.
I am loving.
I am kind.
I am gentle.
I am self-controlled.
I am joyful.
I am good. Got that, self. I am good. Got that, Liar. I am good.
I am faithful.
I am peaceful.

Sometimes I don't act those things, but those are nasty flashbacks to before I died. You didn't know I died? Sometimes I don't act like I did, but I did. I chose to die in Christ. I have been buried with Him and raised to life. I am alive in the Spirit. Everything else is dead.

Today the Liar wanted to tell me I am inadequate, which is true. I am. But he tacked on "and hopeless". That is a lie. I am not hopeless. Psalm 25:3 says, "No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame."

Let's not forget Psalm 33 that says,

"18 But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
19 to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.
20 We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield.
21 In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name.
22 May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you."

Psalm 42 says, "5 Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and 6 my God. "

Somedays situations disturb me. Some days I disturb me because I'm far more dead and sticky than I am Jesus in real life. On days like that the enemy likes to come at me with the lie that I will always be this way. He likes to tell me that there is no change and never will be. He likes to remind me that some of these nasty behaviors or attitudes have been around for the last 30 years and wants to know what makes me think they'll change. Some of what he says is true, but when he starts asking why I think there could ever be change or why I think it'll get better, I get to the bottom of it. He isn't just accusing me. He's accusing my God. He's saying the One Who bought my life and gave me life can't do anything better with that life. He's saying I've been abandoned and left for dead.

Nothing could be farther from the truth or the Truth. And I like things that remind me of the Truth. The Truth is God is in me. The Jerri I was is dead, and the Jerri God created me to be is alive and well and learning to shine more each day. The Truth is I'm really everything I want to be. I just have to have the faith to act like it, and it's really nice to be reminded.

Those wonderful folks who remind me include....

Well, I'm sticking with Tonya, Jenny, Iona, and Jan (since she says tag-backs are okay).

I am also including Paula, who deserves it so much. I look forward to having coffee with you some day, too. Then you can give me my own autographed copy of your book. :-) And you can tell me the adventure you and God had while you wrote it. I would love to hear it.

One I did not remember before because I couldn't find her link is Claire Barton, who is an amazing prophetic artist. You just need to check out her work. She is also an amazing person, and I thank the Lord He brought her into my life as my friend.

You ladies remind me of who I am because you remind me of Who is in me, and, friends, there is nothing nicer.

Promises Kept

2007-08-30T20:09:00.000-05:00

As some of you know, I have been struggling lately. I know the root of my struggle is faith. The manifestation, though, has taken different faces.

One of the faces of my struggle that I wrote about last week is clarity on my photography. One of the biggest issues there is equipment. Next week I will be shooting a women's conference for our church's women's magazine. Our auditorium holds 1,700 people, and last year it was packed. A wide-angle lens would be great for that. Add the lens hood I need for the head shots I have scheduled in two weeks and the lighting I will need this fall for the family portraits for our homeschool group, plus a "clicker" with a longer cord...It all adds up to not terribly cheap. Not enough to get a second mortgage, but there is more. Isn't there always?

Anna had to get new lenses this week for her glasses. Last year, the lenses alone were $200. Again, not a second mortgage, but not pocket change.

Then there is my favorite boy in the world. I won't go into the long story. The synopsis is that the Lord told me to buy sporting equipment for Robert and Anna and plan outtings two days a week. Along with our Friday skating and PE group, that makes three days of activity which Robert needs desperately (and I desperately need him to have it). I knew the list the Lord gave me for the equipment, and having been an athlete, I had a good idea of how much this little jaunt to the sporting section was going to cost.

Add the sporting goods, Anna's lesnes, and the photography equipment together, and I knew we were not talking about an easy month. To add to the mix, our annual weekend trip to the beach which not only serves as family bonding time but mental and emotionally therapy is scheduled this month. I played with numbers and asked, "Lord, how am I going to do this? How do I juggle this? How am I supposed to do all of this? What do I need to kick out?"

Like most moms I know, the answer seemed simple. Anna had to have new lenses. There was no option. I knew the Lord had spoken about Robert's sporting equipment. The family was looking forward to the beach. Surely the Lord would help me figure out how to tighten the budget elsewhere and somehow take excellent pictures with the lenses I have now.

Faith says, "I have big needs, but I serve a bigger God." Friends, I won't tell you I thought that. I thought I would do what had to be done and see how far down the "nice thought" list I could get before the road came to an end. I'm so thankful God is faithful when I am small-minded and faithless.

First of all, Anna's doctor's appointment was a praise in itself. I just haven't had time to write about it. Her lens prescription hasn't changed in three years (it was changing every three months for nearly four years), and her eye alignment is better than it has ever been! Her depth perception is perfect, and this is the best eye report we have EVER gotten concerning Anna's eyes. Anna told me last year that she believed her eyes were getting better. The exam didn't show that, but she said she knew she was right. I told her to pray that the healing manifest and be visible to the doctor, too. We saw that happen this week. The doctor was shocked. Anna's eye problems simply don't reverse according to medical experience, and yet, hers are.

So there is our first moment of God showing up to say, "Look how big I AM," this week.

An hour later, we sat with the tech ordering new lenses for Anna's glasses. "Can you give me an estimate of how much it will cost?" I asked wondering if we should have returned to a company covered by our insurance. If it was $200 last year with insurance, I wasn't sure if I wanted to know how much without, and yet, this was the company we had used every other year. They knew us, knew Anna's history, knew they had to have the perfect lens alignment or Anna would throw up from dizziness. They weren't, however, covered by our insurance. Still, this was "home", and I wanted to see if they could compete.

Susan, the tech we've known for years, said, "Oh, yeah. You came at the perfect time. We've got a sale on. All children's lenses are $50. That includes Anna's glare protection, her torque, everything. Will that compete with your insurance?" I just nodded and wondered how much of a scene it would make if I hit my knees in humble gratitude right there in the middle of the store.

And again, God shows up and says, "Look how big I AM."

Then today I took the children shopping for athletic equipment. I knew what I was supposed to buy, and I knew about how much it would cost. The children and I grabbed a buggy and headed to the sporting goods section. When we left, we had the following in our buggy:

2 baseball helmets--one in pink
2 aluminum baseball bats--one very pink one proclaiming "GIRL POWER"
2 nice leather gloves
3 softballs
3 t-balls
1 batting practice gadget
2 soccer balls--one in pink and one very masculine red and black
2 kickballs
4 mouth guards-two hot pink
1 basket for Anna's bicycle

If you have bought just the baseball supplies, you know that alone adds up really fast. Let me give you some quick God prices.

Helmets--$3 each, not $12 each
gloves--$2 and $3, not $11 and $14
Pink bat--$5, no $11
Softballs--50 cents, not $1.28
Batting practice gadget--$4.oo, not $14

My total for all of that was $75. We walked into sports clearance central, and I figure we saved at least $75.

Isn't God amazing?

And it doesn't stop there.

Another area where the Lord is stretching me is my marriage. I don't really talk about it, but the simple explanation is we went through a couple of life changing events, and we didn't transition well with them. When my dad passed on a few years ago, I had a really hard time. I had been a main care giver for years, and suddenly, I had no clue who I was. The identity crisis did not go well. On the tail end of that, Rob went from working extreme hours and being gone almost all week to a normal work week, and we haven't readjusted well to parenting roles and relationship changes.. Add the children and our desire to keep their life as "normal" as possible, and we have found ourselves more distant and different than we want.

I won't lie. This is a hard place, and the last 4-6 weeks have been incredibly hard. I cannot even express the emotional or mental pain or isolation that I have found myself working through, and as usual, the enemy's attacks are relentless.

I have lain on my bed and cried asking the Lord for a word to stand on because I was tired and couldn't see beyond the holes to the vision of what the Lord had in His heart. All I could see is the way we weren't what I had wanted my marriage to be. The only word I kept getting was, "I can restore anything. Do you believe me?"

In honesty, I said, "I want to. It just needs to be so different than what it is, and I don't see how we will get there."

He replied, "Trust me."

Today, I came home from our trip where God declared His lordship over the sporting goods department, and sitting near my front door was an amazingly beautiful vase of flowers. The card said simply, "I'll be there soon. Love, Maynard." (That is my nickname for Rob, btw.) I was stunned, so stunned that I had not even thought of him when I was trying to figure out who might have sent the flowers. Rob doesn't give me flowers, not because he's a jerk but because they simply aren't something I care for. I want something living and useful. Flowers in a vase die. Lot of money for very little. I just don't appreciate them as much as other things, so he has given me the things I appreciate, not flowers.

Today, though, I was greeted by a beautiful bouquet of flowers, and when I saw it was from Rob, my heart fluttered, and I thought, "Lord, you really are leading us into new territory where we've never been." And suddenly, I had glimpse of what I couldn't see. I kept looking at what we had and what we have wondering how God was going to fix it, and in this case, God isn't going to fix or repair. He is simply going to give us something new.

And did I mention the wide-angle lens is on sale this weekend at the camera shop we trust? Did I also mention the money I didn't have to pay in these other areas cover the cost of the lens and some of the other photography equipment?

And once again I declare by personal witness the unchanging, unalterable truth...

"For the word of the LORD (both written and spoken personally) is right and true; he is faithful in all he does."--Psalm 33

Lord, forgive me for still trying to see with my mind and not my spirit. Forgive me for too easily agreeing with the accusations of the enemy that says You won't--or can't--provide. Forgive me for standing frozen by fear of the unknown instead of walking in the faith of the only One I need to know. Thank You for Your faithfulness and love. Thank you for promises kept. Thank you for being I AM when I am so unsure. Despite the questions, You have lead me to an open place where I can declare: You are God. You are Provider. You are I AM, and You love me. Blessed be Your beautiful name.

Me in All my Glory

2007-08-30T08:48:00.000-05:00

Jan said she wants to see more of me. While I hoped that meant she wanted me to drive up for coffee, she mentioned a picture. -wink-

This is me, sans glasses. The eyes are dark brown. The lipstick is almost always some shade of red. The curls are natural, and the haircolor is Clairol Cream Something 7R.

Speaking of hair...I have a hair story.

Four years ago I spoke at a church in Ohio, and the pastor was from South Carolina. He was all pumped because he was going to have someone with a deeper accent than he has, so folks could focus on my talking and not his. Well, I get off the plane and meet him, and I have no accent. Seriously. I can turn my accent off. He was blown away and sorely disappointed. However, it is just hard to deny being from Texas, accent or not.

After church this lady was talking to me, and she said, “You don’t sound or look like your from Texas.” Look like I’m from Texas? “I thought you’d have big hair or something.”

I had my hair up because the curls go mad (or massive) in humidity, and I said, “Ma’am, my hair is so big and takes up so much space that American Airlines made me count it as a carry on.”

Beyond Nice--Thanks, Paula!!!

2007-08-29T16:09:00.000-05:00

I got this really awesome award from Paula at Grace Reign! Here is the explanation:

"This award is for those bloggers who are nice people; good blog friends and those who inspire good feelings and inspiration. Also for those who are a positive influence on our blogging world. Once you’ve been awarded please pass it on to 7 others who you feel are deserving of this award."

I have to tell you this award made me teary-eyed. It feels wonderful when others see us that way, doesn't it? Their taking the time to tell us so gives us the freedom to be that person, too, and, Paula, I thank you for those words of blessings and freedom!

Now to pass them on...

I honestly don't know that I even read seven blogs regularly, and Paula has already been picked. Still, I'll see what I can do...

The folks that feed my soul and challenge me to grow and be joyful during the growing pains...

Iona--Iona did the beautiful artwork for Jerri's Munchies (which was my original writing site) as well as host the site for many years. She is one of my dearest friends.

Jan--Her blog is entitled Bold and Free, and that is her passion. I love her honesty, her heart, and there is this awesome picture of her laughing...AND she likes Starbuck's. Gotta find some kind of goodness in that. :-)

Tonya--She just amazes and encourages me, and wait till you see her pictures.

Jenny--Jenny is one of the most intense people I know. Her love for God and passion for His presence is so far out on the edge that it is beyond most people's scope of possibility, and it is all about God and bringing Him into this earth with power and passion. You just have to read it to know what I mean.

I know that is only four, but the other blogs I check don't really seem to fit into this realm. I check on Ethan Powell who is a miracle and growing to be more of a miracle daily. If you want a site that will take you on the roller coaster ride of praying for a miracle and seeing the enemy fight back when breakthroughs are made or about to come and then seeing the breakthrough, this is something you have to read. It has stretched my faith and increased my prayers, and I know others that it has done the same for. You just have to read to understand. I also check on the soldiers at Any Solider.

But for those who those I tagged--and would have tagged--you exceed nice. You are magnficient blessings, and I praise God for you.

Everything

2007-08-24T21:12:00.000-05:00

Lately, I’ve been learning a new level of faith. I find it aggravating that in my learning faith, I too often show how little I have.

As some of you know, I have a few passions in life. My family is first, but “outside the home”, I have three things that I love. I love writing. I love photography, and I love teaching/speaking. The Lord has given me multiple prophetic words about my gifts in these three areas, and I am seeing growth in those areas.

However, in our last conversation, my husband had not seen enough growth to entertain the idea of buying equipment that would make life a lot easier for me and allow me freedom to experiment, especially in photography. This is a problem because I’ve been asked to do some photos that require a studio set up, and that requires certain equipment that is part of the unsure area for Rob.

I understand Rob’s concerns. The truth is traditional studio portraiture isn’t my heart. I don’t take pictures of poses. I reveal people. When I first start toying with the idea of doing photography as more than a family hobby, I asked the Lord what my niche is, and He said, “You have the gift of prophetic photography. Your pictures show my heart, and people will see themselves as I see them, and it will heal them and set them free to be the people I declare them to be.” I wept. I couldn’t believe the Lord would offer such an amazing gift and call to me, but I wanted it. The question then became how to pursue it.

I have been asking myself that question a lot lately. I feel as though the doors have flung open for me to use this gift, and I feel so inadequate. There are so many technical things I don’t know, and there is equipment I don’t have, and I want to do this with excellence. However, there is always the lure of acceptance and notoriety, and I can’t do it for that.

A few weeks ago, the Lord gave me the chance to shoot a wedding as a gift for the bride and groom. As I spent hours touching up photos that were taken in a city park with cars and pickups in every direction with the heat hitting 95+ degrees in North Texas and no good backdrop or “noise free” area, my heart that had wanted to do impressive pictures changed. It was no longer about a business card or booking another event. As I kept seeing the beaming bride and the twinkling eyes of the groom, I wanted those pictures to be perfect because I wanted them to see that all those people had put their day aside, stood in the heat and humidity, and joined together to celebrate that wonderful couple. I wanted the bride and groom to see they are worth celebrating, and the Lord celebrates with them.

Again, came the questions: how do I do this every time? What venues am I to do? Can I do this in a studio setting? How do I show who they are and not make the picture contrived?

Then came the “I” inventory: I’m not trained technically for this, and there is so much I don’t know. I don’t have a clue how to do this.

Photography isn’t the only thing leaving me with questions about me and my abilities.

Starting the Thursday after Labor Day, a group of ladies will be meeting at my house to learn identity in Christ and spiritual warfare. To be who one is in Christ is warfare because the enemy wants so much to steal who we are. I wonder what I am supposed to teach, how to teach it, and when. I’m not good at “hard” lesson plans. I’m much better at asking the Spirit to lead and hopefully following. These women think I have some wisdom that will impact their life, and all I see are the potholes in my life.

And that brings up writing.

My passion is simple. I want people to be free to embrace all the Lord declares them to be. I want people to learn who they are and be that person to the fullest. It is the only way to be happy, and people who do that will see the Kingdom of God explode in their lives. Over time, I’ve learned a lot about identity, key issues, tools for warfare, and how to be victorious. While I would gladly teach these principles in a weekend conference, there needs to be follow up afterward because it requires accountability, responsibility, and lots of encouragement. It’s hard, and it shouldn’t be done alone.

Is that one of the books I am to write? If so, how? What does it look like? What do I say? There is a whole slew of “I” questions and logistical things I’ve been trying to work out, and all it has done is give me a migraine.

So yesterday morning, I took all this to God, and He answered, but I was too wrapped up in “I, me, and my” that I missed it. When I sat down for my quiet time yesterday morning, I asked the Lord what He wanted to share, and immediately, He took me to Ezra 6. Verse 14 says, “So the elders of the Jews continued to build and prosper under the preaching of Haggai the prophet and Zechariah, a descendant of Iddo.”

This is what stuck with me, and even with that, I’m thinking, ‘This is nice, God, but can you please tell me what to do about how I am supposed to do all this stuff I believe You’ve called me to do?”

In a word, no. He can’t. Not because He doesn’t care but because the questions simply are too nonsensical for an answer. He was trying to help me, but I didn’t get it. I had to understand the question before I could understand the answer.

When I woke up this morning, I got still for my quiet time and asked, “Lord, what do you want to say today?”

“Same thing as yesterday. My answer hasn’t changed.”

Back I go to Ezra 6. I read it. I read it again. I ponder. I read it again.

“I don’t get it.”

“Then keep reading.”

I read on into chapter 7, and suddenly, I get it. The question isn’t about how I am going to make all this work. The question is whether I will simply obey.

This is what verses in chapter 7 say:

“6…this Ezra came up from Babylon. He was a teacher well versed in the Law of Moses, which the Lord, the God of Israel, had given. The king had granted him everything he asked for the hand of the Lord his God was on him. 9. He had begun his journey from Babylon on the first day of the first month, and he arrived in Jerusalem on the first day of the fifth month for the gracious hand of his God was on him. 10 For Ezra had devoted himself to the study and observance of the Law of the Lord, and to teaching its decrees and laws to Israel. 11…Ezra the priest and teacher, a man learned in matters concerning the commands and decrees of the Lord of Israel...”

The Lord spoke clearly, “Jerri, your passion has always been to teach Me to others. Your passion is for people to see me and know Me. That is all you have to do. Do you see that when Ezra did that, I gave him favor with the king? Everything he asked for was his because My hand was on him. His obedience and passion for Me made it possible for Me to pour out everything he needed. People prospered because of him. They built My kingdom and prospered because he took my vision and obeyed it. He didn’t question whether I’d supply what he needed. He simply assumed I would, and I did.

“There is nothing you need that I will not provide if you keep your focus on why you are doing it.

“The success and impact of your photography is not determined by the money you make from it. Your photography is powerful because of how I use it. It is powerful because it shows My heart, My vision. You show others how I see them. Your lens is a tool of healing and launching. If you focus on My heart, I’ll give you the pictures, and people will flock to you because they want to see who they really are. They long for their true identity. They long for the love they will see in your pictures.

“Yes, you are to publish a book, not so you can see your name on a shelf in a bookstore or impress people, but because I have revealed to you things people need to hear. You are to publish several books because I’ve given you lots to share. Your life has not been without cause. Everything you’ve learned is for you to pass on. You’ve spent your life learning My character and My heart. These are what My people need, and you are the one to tell them.

“Are you adequate to teach? Are you able to tell someone that I love them and My Word is the foundation for all they are and hope to become? Are you able to give testimony to My power and love in your life? Can you tell them without a doubt that I am the God who never abandons or forsakes, whose arm is not to short to reach into any pit, whose heart is for restoration, and whose love is greater than the hate the enemy pours on them? Those are the things people want to know, and you are adequate to tell them because you live that life before me day in and day out, and your heart is still Mine.

“Jerri, if I am your passion, everything you want to accomplish in this world-the great marriage, the godly children, the books, the speaking, the photographs, the impact-it will all happen because my hand is on you. Focus on me and trust me.”

I share all this with you because I can tell you without a doubt that God has declared things in your life, and you may be wondering about the how’s, when’s, and what’s. I don’t know specific answers for you. All I know is that God is everything you need. Your promises, your identity, your hopes, your salvation—everything you are and hope to be is the One Who made you, and He is the One who will bring to pass what He has declared. Your job isn’t to worry about whether you are adequate. Your job is to have faith that He is everything, and He is.

What makes me convinced of that? Well, after the Lord talked to me about favor with the king and having everything supplied, the king of my castle came home. You know the one that has been anti-studio because he simply didn’t have a vision of what God is doing with my photography. Well, he came home and said, “Do you have ideas for how we can set the studio up in the garage, and do you have ideas of how much the lighting will cost and how we can do the mobile studio so you can minister to the groups the Lord has told you to minister to? If you do, I’d like to hear them because I know this is what God has called you to, and I want to see you succeed.” I told him to wait a minute as I went to the study and picked up the photography magazine I had read just two days ago that had an entire article on home studios and lighting kits.

The king of my castle looked at the article and all I presented and asked, “Anything else? I want to make sure you have everything you need.”

Because God is faithful, I do.

For the Birds

2007-08-23T11:09:00.001-05:00

Today I took a huge leap. I sent out an email with hopes of selling some of the birdhouses I paint. I started this hobby a little over a year ago because the children liked to paint, and I ran out of things to paint on paper, so I picked up some birdhouses. Because I'm not good at detail painting, I started adding other small things, like the clay daffodils you see at right. As the year has gone on, my collection of painted birdhouses has grown, and I need space. Plus, it would be nice to recupe the cost of my habit. However, I don't paint enough to have a booth at a craft mall or a booth at a craft fair, so maybe word of mouth will get around and the B Unique Creations in my garage will find new homes.

Some other birdhouses include...

I've Fallen, and I Need Help Up

2007-08-20T15:25:00.000-05:00

Today the world took a jolt. At least my world did. Michael Vick, quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons, accepted a deal to plead guilty on dogfighting charges. Honestly, as I type this, I find myself fighting tears.

While growing up, my mother was a United Kennel Club judge. My family bred, raised, and trained dogs. Less than a year of my life has been spent without a dog as a family member. To me, the world of dogfighting is too heinous to fathom, and the details that have surfaced about Mr. Vick’s specific dogfighting enterprise are nightmarish. I won’t hide the fact that when I first read the charges against Mr. Vick and his co-defendants and the details of the cruelty used, my first thought was, “God, if he did this, I hope they crucify him.”

Then the most powerful, humbling Truth resounded in my mind as God said simply, “I did. I put him on a cross and let him die there the same time I crucified you. Only at that time, they just called y’all Jesus.”

At that moment, I felt ashamed for my quick judgment and doling out punishment that was mine to have as well. I also felt excited.

It is easy to look at Michael Vick and read the stomach-turning details to which he is pleading guilty and see the obvious depravity of his heart, soul, and mind. It is easy to look at his NFL career and potential and get an idea of how far he has fallen. The worldly details and view are open for all to see. However, I am excited because my God is not bound by worldly details but rather acts despite them.

If you’ve ever read the Bible, you are familiar with some folks who have fallen and fallen hard. King David was given all Israel, the jewel of God, to reign, and David was fascinated by another man’s wife. Peter was a man who walked on the sea, and then denied the One who picked him up when he started to sink. There was a guy named Saul who had the perfect upbringing and training, a guy who knew the law and the requirements of God, and missed it so badly that he killed the followers of Christ. I could go on, but I don’t need to. I have a mirror. I know how far people can fall. I also know God’s arm is not too short to reach them.

Even after David’s adultery, God referred to him as a “man after My own heart.” Peter was restored and walked in so much power that people who were touched by his shadow were healed. Saul traded in his knowledge and name for revelation and relationship. We know him as Paul. Me? I have my own testimony to the greatness of God’s love and mercy.

I have read for several years now about Michael Vick’s potential, and it is great. Some say “was”. I would say those folks are looking at the world because potential is determined by divine plan, not man’s sin. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and yet, God says that His plans and purposes for us are good, full of hope, and offering a future. Obviously, God has not written off Michael Vick. Can he still be as great as he could have been? To suggest less is to call God a liar and a charlatan.

People who think Michael Vick cannot rise to that from which he has fallen does not understand God. God does not desire to raise Michael Vick to that platform again. Instead, He desires to raise him to greater levels of influence, power, and godliness. The power Michael Vick had was false power stemming from a false identity and sense of importance. Only someone who is insecure in their power could demean themselves into training and killing innocent animals. What kind of sense of power does one gain from training mindless creatures to respond to cruelty in such a way that they would kill? A person who is secure in their abilities, purpose, and power does not need to create an environment in which they are the all-powerful one. What is a quarterback? The leader. The one in charge. The head of the team. The decision maker. The one with the control.

Michael Vick came from a background of insecurity and instability, and he created environments that allowed him power and control. He became a god in his own world by using the potential God placed inside him. God Almighty will never allow people with great talent, purpose, and gifts to live in a world where they can use those things to destroy themselves without intervening as a loving Father who desires fullness for His creation.

Some may look at what has happened to Michael Vick as God’s judgment. Yes, it is. However, in the book of Romans, we are told that the law is there to show us our wrongs in order to point us in the other direction. This judgment is not for Michael Vick’s downfall and destruction. This is for his salvation, healing, and wholeness.

Right now, this judgment-the loss of NFL status, freedom, and reputation- seems harsh, but what is more harsh for one’s false sense of value to crash and deal with the temporary consequences in the natural or for God to turn His back and let a person go to hell?

I don’t know how this will ultimately play out. However, I do know God loves Michael Vick, and Michael Vick is not so far in the pit that God’s arm is too short to reach him. I know God has a great plan for Michael Vick, and I know the enemy has tried to steal that. So far, he has been successful, but the Lord has delivered a mighty blow, and we are seeing lies of the enemy fall.

It is heartbreaking. It is also exciting.

It is always heartbreaking to see someone in captivity, but oh, the joy when the walls begin to crumble and prison is shown for what it is because then, and only then, can freedom be seen and embraced in its fullness.

So, yes, there was a jolt in my world today. What I had dreaded as a day of gloom and despair has shone forth with glory, potential, and promise. The lie has been revealed by the Truth, and now great things can be built where only imaginations existed before. I love when God clears out the junk to make room for the treasure, and that is what happened today.

Michael Vick needs prayer. He needs to see the Truth. He needs to see himself as he was created to be. He needs to see the Ultimate Potential he was designed to show.

Yes, it is easy to point fingers and be sickened by the accounts given concerning the dogfighting business. We should be sickened by it, but we have to remember, one Man was crucified on one crss for all. It wasn’t just a dogfighting business that put Him there, and it isn’t just dogfighting that puts us in our own personal prisons. Thankfully, though, that One Man was enough for us all. Now all anyone has to do is walk out of the rubble of the lie and embrace the Truth, and that is the same for Michael Vick, me, or you.

Dear God, you have the freedom to destroy any prisons I have created, even when all I see is the destruction of the “life” I thought was real. Open my eyes to see the freedom You have set before me to live in all the Potential and Truth You have declared over me and into me. Thank you for crucifying me under the name “Jesus”, and thank you for loving me too much to let me live a lie. When the facades fall, give me vision to see the Truth, and when folks don’t understand, fingers of judgment point my way, and criticism comes forth, give me the boldness to keep my eyes on You. Do not let me settle for less than Your best. Thank You for Your infinite mercy and Your even greater love.

Ten Things You'll Never Hear Me Say

2007-08-15T21:27:00.000-05:00

Okay, Danica said anyone who wanted to play could consider themselves tagged. I want to play, so…

Ten Things You’ll Never Hear Me Say

1. Oh, no, I don’t like chocolate.
2. White chocolate is my favorite.
3. I don’t like sweet tea.
4. No, honey, I don't need an RV. The tent is fine.
5. I’m sure there isn’t a verse in the Bible that covers that.
6. No, I don’t think you should waste your time praying about that either.
7. God couldn’t care less.
8. I hate the beach.
9. My hair is flat.
10. Of course you can drink your red Kool-Aid in the living room where there is tan carpet.

I’m with Danica. If you want to play, be tagged and let me know.

Simply Smile

2007-08-14T13:13:00.000-05:00

For lunch the children and I had fish sticks and macaroni and cheese, the really creamy kind. It happens to be one of my favorite lunches and has been for as long as I can remember. Thankfully, the children like it, too. As simple as it sounds fish sticks and mac-n-cheese brightens my day pretty much every time.

I also like my friend Jessica. I know that looks like a wild transition, but it isn’t. Jessica also likes fish sticks and macaroni and cheese, and I rarely have them without thinking of her. Right now, life makes it hard for us to get together. She doesn’t live too far away, but she works outside her home, and her extra time goes to her magnificent son Josh. Right now, life is just a bit too busy to drive over an hour for a lunch of fish sticks. She’s there, and I’m here, and when we need each other, we know where to look.

Before lunch, the children and I did some science. I love doing science with the children. Today’s experiments were ones they had done before, but they always add a new twist.

First, we mixed 1 cup rubbing alcohol with 1 cup water to show that alcohol fills up the space between the water molecules. In theory, we were supposed to add 1 and 1 and get less than 2. In reality, the children thought the 2 cups of liquid with the swirling blue food coloring looked way cool. I explained the molecule idea, and then we talked about what made the food coloring swirl.

Next, we used salt to make eggs float in water. We found out that sea salt and regular salt both make eggs float. Then Robert decided we needed to find out if it the eggs floated because of the air pockets in their shells, so we broke his egg and my egg, which was in plain water. Mine still sank, and his still floated. Cheers of excited exploration echoed in my kitchen.

Why do I share all this daily mundane stuff with you? Because it isn’t mundane to me. Yes, it is simple, but it puts a smile on my face, and life is always made better when we simply smile.

(Oh, Jessica, I ate your share of lunch. It was delicious. Just didn’t want you to think it went to waste. )

The Bird of Paradise and Other Things that Bring Me Joy

2007-08-13T20:56:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the strangest things float through my mind. From deep in the buried depths of my mind comes a bit of treasure that brings a smile and a walk down Memory Lane. In this case, it also brought a melody.

I don’t have a clue what unearthed this little gem. All I know is one day last week the children and I were chattering as we do sometimes, and one of the children asked, “Do you know what I like?”

Our of nowhere, I answered, “When the bird of paradise flies up your nose?”

What I would give for a picture of their faces at that moment! “The bird of what?!”

“The bird of paradise. It flies up your nose. I don’t know why. I don’t know what it does there. Maybe it just acts snotty.” I managed to reply with a straight face.

As two children stared at me wondering whether to be shocked by the idea of a bird up their nose or disgusted by the snotty comment, I wondered, too, “Where did that come from?”

Well, it comes from a song by Neal Merritt. While other artists did the song, I recall it being done by Little Jimmy Dickens. It was recorded in 1965, before I was born. However, my father was a fan of classic country music, and I heard that song into my teens I think. However, it has never given me more joy than now, and I cannot even tell you why.

The chorus is superbly nonsensical:
May the bird of paradise fly up your nose.
May an elephant caress you with its toes.
May your wife be plagued by runner in her hose.
May the bird of paradise fly up your nose.

You can Google to fine the rest. It’s a clean song, and 99% of people won’t care, but for me, it is a good bit of happy. Know what I mean?

Know what else makes me happy? My father-in-law.

My father-in-law loves classic country as much as my dad, and periodically, Pop and I get time to talk, one of the good talks that last an hour or so. Inevitably, we get to chatting about the auctions he’s been to lately, and he tells me about the latest records he’s found. I love this more than I can tell you.

I love it because he takes time to tell me. Not many people I know can have a good conversation about George Jones, Hank Williams, Earnest Tubbs, and the like, and I like that we can talk.

I also love it because it reminds me of my dad. The last time Pop and I talked, he mentioned a record he’d found my George Jones, and I remember one my dad had that sounds like the same record. Pop and I talked about favorite singers and the songs they sang. We had a great time. At least I did, and I think he did.

Funny how things like that can make your heart tender and still make you so happy, isn’t it?

And isn’t it funny how a bird of paradise can tickle one’s nose just right to make for laughter and silliness decades after its last known sighting? And isn’t it wonderful how God puts people in our lives that share those special interests that fill a hole with joy that would otherwise be a place of pain?

May God always bless you with a bird of paradise and your very own special “Pop” to bring you joy…

(Pop, thank you. You are a joy. Love, Jerri)

I Choose Not to Live Life in the PIts

2007-08-11T08:28:00.000-05:00

Lately, I’ve been living in a pit. You know what a pit is? It’s just another way of saying, “All I see are walls.” Well, I am tired of seeing nothing but walls.

I want to see things God’s way, and I have yet to see where God says, “I will bless you with walls that prevent you from having vision.” I haven’t found where He says, “I will put you in a dark place that is simply a grave for the non-dead that is beyond escape and wears you down until all hope is gone.” That’s what a pit is, and it is not of God.

So, I’ve been asking God how I ended up in this pit in the first place, and the answer is complex. To some extent, others dug it and dumped me in. I’m not trying to blame. People are people, and that is what happened. To some extent, I pulled out a shovel and helped them. Pits don’t just happen. Some thing happens that creates them, and I have a good idea of what created mine.

Then I ask why I am still here. That answer is complex in its simplicity. The answer: I choose to be.

For some that is too simplistic, but really, that is it. I choose fear over courage. I choose negative over positive. I choose rejection over acceptance.

Let me give you an example. One of the things I love is photography. In fact, when I was in high school, I wanted to work for National Geographic or some magazine that would let me do photo essays. However, I heard a lot about how I would never be good enough to pay my bills that way, so I didn’t. Twenty years later, the Lord has renewed my passion for photography in journalistic form. I’ve been published, and I will be photographing a major women’s conference for a magazine in less than a month. I’m also doing weddings and various jobs that require capturing personal expression. I’m having a great time with this.

If we stop a moment, it is easy to see the acceptance that is pouring out on my photography right now.
I’ve been published.
I have been asked to do the photography for a magazine for a major women’s event.
People are choosing me to capture precious moments in their lives.
People trust me to capture their hearts, visions, and dreams.
And I was told the pictures that were recently published received more comments from readers than any thing else-including articles-in the magazines three years of publications.

Folks, that is a lot of acceptance and blessing.

Then, there was the email.

Someone I have spoken to three times in two years emailed me and asked if we could get together at the afore mentioned women’s conference, and I said I was doing the photography. Instead of a congratulations or excitement, her response was, “Well, your level of photography must have come up for them to think you were that good.”

The voice in my head asked, “Are you going to take the bait?”

I really wanted to write back and be ugly. I thought about sending my latest resume to prove how inappropriate her email was. I even thought about calling a friend to tell her about this email that I refused to acknowledge, but if I refused to acknowledge it, why would I call someone to tell them about it? What was I hoping for? Was I hoping my friend would tell me how wrong this person was? Was I hoping she’d tell me how good I am? More than all that, why was I letting ONE email put me in a tizzy and define me when I had clear and obvious proof of the quality of my work? Would I choose the one email questioning my ability of the list of people and situations that blessed and validated it?

I erased the email, and I bring it up now because the Lord said it was the perfect example of choice.

There are other choices to be made, such as which voices I choose to listen to. On one hand there is a lady who is in the realm of several ladies I know and is often part of our lunches out. Simply put, I never please that woman, but it isn’t just me. No one pleases her. None of us live up to her level of anything. We all know that. We all know it wouldn’t matter what we did, she will find something wrong with it. Surely, she wouldn’t lie, so there must be something there, and we all feel we must fix the source of her latest rejection in some fashion.

On the other hand, I am blessed with a magnificent group of women that I deeply admire. They are stunningly beautiful both inside and out, and these women have had some things to say to me, too.

They’ve said:
I am talented.
I am beautiful.
I am interesting.
I am a good friend.
I am a good wife.
I am a good mother.
I am an inspiration.

Why is it that when this last group of amazing women says something life-giving to me I act sheepish and unworthy, but when the other woman blasts me, I feel I somehow deserve it? Are the women in this last group liars? I don’t think so. I think they are sincere and genuine, and I believe their words are heartfelt. So should I not embrace their words with the same conviction of truth that I would the other woman?

Yes, I think I should, and I choose to do just that. Now, I’m not suggesting we surround ourselves with “yes men”, or women in the case, but I believe it is a sin to choose to define ourselves by criticism alone when God calls us beautiful, worthwhile, chosen, gifted, blessed, delightful, lover, bride, and friend. What right do we have to call God a liar? Do we understand-do *I* understand that when I agree with only the negative, I call God a liar? God looked at all He had made and called it good. We refuse to agree we are good, but we’ll agree with everything else.

And thus, the pit.

The pit is where we live when we cannot see life as God declares it to be. The pit is a lie. The pit is darkness with limitations and no hope for escape. God is light so bright the sun doesn’t compare with power beyond our imaginations holding out hope everlasting.

Which do I choose?

Sound like lovely pie in the sky stuff? No, it’s God in Heaven stuff, and I’d rather believe in that and miss it some than live in a pit that offers nothing but excuses to sit on my derriere and be miserable. And besides, there is this book I’ve read with lots of stories of folks who could have camped out in their pits but instead took hold of Heaven and did things most of us only dream of. Honestly, it makes me hungry to do some of those things myself.

Granted, some of those folks in that book were in pits, too. There is a guy name Daniel that was in a pit with some hungry lions. There were three guys that got tossed into a pit with a fire so hot it killed the men that threw them in, and let’s not forget Jesus who was put in a pit, sealed up, and guarded. You know why God let them get in those pits? Because He planned to get them out and show His power.

That tells me whatever pit I’m in is only so God can get me out.

God was able to get the men and women of the Bible out of their pits because they chose to believe God and what He said about His character…His power…His plans…and them.

And I choose to believe, too.

I pray you believe you have the power to choose, and I pray you choose to believe…

Joy

2007-08-03T07:24:00.000-05:00

Joy

In my last post, which was rather here and there because I was trying to keep it abbreviated and give the Cliff’s Notes version of life rather than the novelette, the overriding tone was depressed. I admit it. I have been battling a rather significant depression for several weeks, and I have done all the right things to work through it, but yesterday it became apparent that I was still struggling.

Yesterday morning I sat on my deck as I had my quiet time and poured my heart out to the Lord. I didn’t realize the depth of sadness and hurt over some things until I began to weep as I prayed. One of my honest prayers was simply, “Lord, I need out of this pit, and I am lost as to how to get out. Please reach in and get me.”

One area that has been hard lately is marriage. We are in a season of change and growth, which is great, and I know God is doing good things. Right now, though, there is uneven personal growth between Rob and me, and that is hard. We are also entering into a new season with our children as they reach a different level of independence, and all the changes often leave me feeling like I am on a boat in the middle of a lake in a huge storm wondering if the Guy sleeping in the bottom of the boat is aware of the situation or if He needs me to help Him grasp the reality of it all. While I know He isn’t sleeping and He does know, I have moments when the trip still makes me sea sick, and jumping ship seems to have some significant perks.

Lots of lovely imagery, eh? Well, let me put it simply: it seems that everything the Man of my Dreams has been doing lately is getting on my nerves. His very presence can be aggravating, and it isn’t just him. The children are the same way. Friends are the same way. Life is getting on my nerves, but it seems to be worst with Rob. Point blank prayer, “God, I’m tired of being annoyed. Help me find the joy in Rob.” Immediate thought: Get a journal and start writing every good point and all the things that make you thankful about Rob. Then do the same about the children. And do the same about your friends, and then write them notes telling them.

WHAT A GREAT IDEA!!!

I thought about it, and I think I have journals that will work for that, and I was sure I had note cards, and I was excited. The Lord had answered my prayers, and IMMEDIATELY! How great is our God!!!

And I got up and went in the house where children were hungry, schedules had to be met, and life took over, and the journal was left where it was, and subsequently, so were my emotions, thoughts, and mood.

At the end of the day yesterday, I had a stress head ache that was trying to turn into a migraine. My muscles were so tight that moving at all was painful. If it hadn’t hurt so much, I would have cried. I replayed the day and sunk even deeper. I talked to Rob about the fact that emotionally I was whipped. Physically, I was stressed to extremes. Mentally, I was battered with feelings of failure since I couldn’t snap out of it. As I lay down, I again prayed, “God, help me. I can’t do this.”

First thing this morning, I did a morning no-no. I pulled out my computer and decided to visit some favorite blogs. I visited Paula’s first because I had seen that she posted a new entry yesterday, but I didn’t have time to read it last night. Let me say, God speaks through Paula. Her whole post was on joy, and one of the comments from SharonB said “Joy…it is a choice of obedience”.

And I sat there with tears feeling overwhelmed by God’s faithfulness. He had answered my question two mornings in a row, and not once did He roll His eyes or say, “If you’d just have listened yesterday…” No. He just said, “Let’s try again, Jer,” and this time, I got it. In fact, I am recording it as part of my testimony, and you can be my witnesses. God is faithful, and there is joy in the journey.

So keeping with the Fifteen Joyous Things in my Life:

My family enjoying each other. I love hearing Rob and the children playing and laughing and being silly. It is great and wonderful joy.
Walks on the beach at sunrise with the children. That started about three years ago for us. I was going to take a walk by myself, but my daughter wanted to come, and I was afraid she’d wake Rob up if she didn’t. The next morning my son wanted to come. At first, I was annoyed because I wanted my time. In retrospect, those walks are the highlight of the beach and treasured memories.
Mornings. The first thing each child does is find me and hug or snuggle me and tell me how much they love me and how thankful they are. I tell them the same. That is pure gold.
Doing dishes with Rob.
The smell of fresh cut hay.
Reaching over in the night and patting Rob. Missing him when he has to travel.
Get the Thing. It’s perfectly clean dirty fun.
Friends who see me as I want to be and courageous speak life into that desire even when I seem to be very different from that.
Rain.
My photography when I see God’s hand in it and the picture is just right.
Receiving emails from our soldiers that we support.
Naps with Fred on the big bed.
Encouraging other people.
My mom, step-dad, and brother, getting together with them and playing games.
Talk time with the children.
Knowing I have a purpose and the Lord will fulfill it for His glory. I didn’t always know that or trust that, so this is a source of great excitement and joy for me.

I considered putting the “right” answers such as breathing, having food, having a home. You know, I have those all the time, praise the Lord, and too often, I am not very joyful. I find more and more that my joy centers around a few areas: my relationship with the Lord, my relationship with people who are important to me, my faith in God to care of me and my needs, and my value in Him. How those things manifest are different from day to day. All in all, though, the things that make my heart stop, breathe deeply, and feel full remain the same, and often, they are always there. I just have to stop and cultivate them.

Now, I need to go find that journal and start making my list.

Praying you recognize and cultivate the joy of God in your life…

And while you are at it, leave a comment telling me what makes you joyful. And, Iona, beloved friend who always brings me joy, you are tagged.

I am

2007-08-01T00:06:00.000-05:00

For the last several weeks, I’ve been in a rather intense battle. In John 10:10 Jesus says that the enemy comes to steal kill and destroy. In contrast, Jesus comes to give life in abundance. While there is a spiritual war that we don’t often see, I have experienced the intense physical manifestations of this war, and it has been painful and joyous and overwhelming and freeing.

As I have watched this battle and experienced the personal blows, I have run the gamut of emotions from been heart sore to being ecstatic. I’ve also been ashamed and afraid, which the enemy wants because when we are ashamed or afraid, we cave up and close ourselves off. We become easy targets because while he is telling us all the lies, we have no one to counter with Truth. Well, my friends, I am here to tell you the Truth.

I have found that all warfare is mental. Sickness can be hard, but the big toll is on the mental state of a person. How well a person heals or not is directly related to positive mental health. If the enemy wants to take us out, he has to attack us mentally, and he does it in a myriad of ways. And he has a favorite time to attack you, too—when you are making progress.

At the beginning of the summer, a lot of wonderful things happened for me all at once. My pictures were published. I was asked to write an article for a women’s magazine. I had lunch with a group of talented, beautiful women who were the Lord’s voice of love and acceptance over me. I was preparing curriculum on identity to teach a women’s group this fall. My children were doing great, and I was feeling great about home school. I had even been given the “job” of photography a major women’s conference for our church’s magazine, and that was HUGE to me.

Wonderful things were happening, and the Lord was giving so much revelation for home school and the women’s group. I woke up waiting to see what gift I got to open that day knowing I was going to be lavished with something for the simple reason God loved me and loves to lavish His children with wonderful gifts.

Then, something happened. I started getting the hard gifts. Some of you know what I mean. They are the gifts that you love in retrospect, but cause deep heart ache when you are opening them. I got a series of those, and I did what I always do. I toughed it out.

I prayed in the morning. I prayed during the day. I remembered scripture. I remembered words the Lord had spoken to and over me. I knew what to do, except it didn’t work. Instead of coming up, I cratered.

Now, I’m not the first to crater. David cratered when he gazed at Bathsheba. Peter cratered when the rooster crowed. Thomas cratered when he dared someone to show him the holes in Jesus’ hands so he could stick his finger through them. I’m in good company.

One of the things all of them knew, though, was the gift of God’s Truth. It’s the gift that says God, not the crater, gets to define us.

David is the man after God’s heart (1 Samuel 13:14). Peter walked in so much power that people upon whom his shadow fell were healed (Acts 5:14-15). Thomas was undaunted when he declared Jesus as “my Lord and my God (John 20:28).

These men cratered, but that crater did not define them or determine their destinies. Those craters only make their testimonies more powerful and lend hope to those who come after them. These men had destinies of power because the Lord declared that over them. They had divine purpose, and as long as they receive that, they could not fail.

In the last few weeks, I have struggled with questions. I have struggled with failure, and I have struggled with shame. The enemy has brought up things from my childhood and my less than godly adolescence to throw at me and show me “who I am”. He has worked hard to kill my hopes, vision, dreams, faith, and identity because he wants to steal my destiny and destroy God’s power and glory in me.

One he other hand, there has been my Savior declaring that I am free, forgiven, and purposed. I have been deliberately chosen because of my strengths and weaknesses to accomplish great things for the kingdom, and He has blessed me with wonderful people who speak life into me daily.

Saturday was an amazing series of people and circumstances declaring God’s glory, love, and joy over me, and it was water to my soul. Talk about rivers in the desert. I danced and played in that river, and it was glorious.

Then today came.

One of the things about being in the company of folks like David, Peter, and Thomas is that you have to take the good with the bad. David is often remembered for his adultery more than his worship. Peter is known for sinking in the ocean more than walking on it. Thomas is know for being a doubter instead of a declarer. And today, I had my share of folks who obviously don’t think I am that special either.

I shared a personal prayer request with people I felt were safe, and one person blasted me and told me I wasn’t looking at it from God’s perspective and I didn’t have faith. I was too concerned about relationships and not enough about God’s view. I needed to pull it together and be a real Christian. Until then, I was a disappointment, and she had nothing to say.

Another person called to confirm our lunch Thursday. I am unable to meet for lunch near her home thirty minutes away, and then she told me what an inconvenience it was for her, and if she had known that, she would have come by yesterday when she was five minutes from my house anyway. There are two facts that I should mention: 1) I told her a week ago I couldn’t meet this week. 2) She has done this a number of times before. To me, it simply says she doesn’t think I am important enough to remember.

Then there were a few other significant people who did things that said I wasn’t important to them either.

Consciously, I don’t think any of them meant to convey that, but they didn’t consciously make effort not to convey it either. The enemy of course jumped right it with a great big, “See how unimportant you are. You aren’t valuable. People who claim to be your friend don’t care about you. You aren’t their effort. You aren’t worth remembering. You are worth the time. You are unimportant and worthless.”

And I won’t lie to you. The actions and words of those people hurt, and I spent way too much time stewing over them and giving my energy to these lies and acts of rejection. I wouldn’t be past the sting of one hit before another came. Then I was ashamed for letting these stupid things hurt me, and then fear hit me. Can I come out of this?

The answer is yes, but only with God’s Truth.

I received another response to the personal prayer request which started, “Thank you for trusting me with your heart.” She then shared about important people in her life and the lives of her sons who walked with them and carried them when her husband was killed in a car wreck two years ago.

I read a beautiful post written by Ben Powell whose son Ethan is a miracle of God’s healing power. You have to read the story to realize how truly miraculous Ethan’s life is. In this post, Ben talked about the people who had helped him and his wife walk through Ethan’s illness from the initial diagnosis in February to today. He shared the glorious blessing of relationships and how valuable support is.

Then there were phone calls and emails and God just loving on me in so many ways that said, “You ARE important. You ARE worth my time. You ARE mine.”

And as I write this incredibly lengthy post, that is where I am. That is WHO I am.

I am important.
I am worth God’s time.
I am forgiven.
I am loved.
I am chosen.
I am created with purpose.
I am beautiful.
I am free.
I am His.

He said so, and THAT, not what others say or how they treat me, is what defines me. What God says is the declaration of my value, my identity, and my destiny. You know why? Because God says, “I AM,” and therefore, I am.

Blessings on who you are according to I AM…

Copyright Jerri Phillips @ 2007

2nd Cup of Coffee and Other Favorite Treats

2007-07-16T19:58:00.000-05:00

I have to tell you about a new blog spot I have found where I like to hang out. 2nd Cup of Coffee is now one of my favorite places to visit. Your hostess at this little coffee bar is Linda, and she serves up all kinds of stuff to make you feel good.

Seriously, all coffee cliches aside, I found Linda's blog one night when I was tired from being up with sick children, and I had taken some emotion stabs. I needed a "feel better", and I followed blog connections to Linda's site, and it was exactly what I needed. I laughed until I had tears. I don't know how to really describe Linda's writing, except to tell you that when I read her work, I think, "This woman is truly comfortable in her own skin." I think what I really love is that she takes life for what it is and has fun with it, AND she lets the rest of us come along. There is nowhere else where you can laugh so hard about bloody pedicures, badly fitting shoes, and a dog's exploding butt. I'm telling you. You just have to visit to understand. Oh, and I can't do the bellybutton lint service, so I won't try. Go read it yourself.

As I said, it is one of my favorite blogspots, and I wholeheartedly suggest it for others who need a good solid "feel better".

And while I am bringing up favorite blogs, let me revisit two others:

Iona is a precious friend who did the beautiful web design for Jerri's Munchies, my site for the devotionals I did when I had smaller children and more time. Iona is genuine, loving, and inspirational. She always amazes me. Even on her everyday stuff, I find encouragement and a smile. Check her out. I think it'll bless you, too.

Paula is a bit hard to describe. She's an amazing writer, but her blog is far more than that. It is real in a way that most of us can relate to, and I think that is the most endearing aspect to me. She also writes a wonderful devotional that you can have delivered to your email. Check out her home site, Soul Scents, and read previous devotionals and sign up for future ones.

Two other sites I want to suggest. One is Let's Say Thanks. This site has several postcard designs you can choose, and then you add a note already provided or one you choose to write. The notes are then printed and shipped to soldiers around the world. There is no limit to how many you can send, and the it is so appreciated by the troops.

The other site is Any Soldier. This site provides information on hundreds of soldiers who can use support from folks here. While you can find information about care packages, that is not the focus for the soldiers. On the contrary, the simple act of writing a letter or sending a postcard is greatly appreciated. To quote one of our soldiers in a unit we send letters and packages to, "Your packages are great, but we love your letters. We post them on the board so everyone can read them when they get time. You don't know how much they mean." That says it all.

So there are some of my favorite places to visit on the web. I hope you enjoy!

Infant Remembrance

2007-07-05T15:59:00.000-05:00

I have tried to figure out an eloquent way to write this up. I want it to be reverent as it should be. In no way, do I want it to sound casual, and yet, so much of the topic is simply beyond what my words cannot address. This is a topic dear to me heart, and I keep fumbling over words—and emotions. So much so that I have avoided writing this for nearly a month, but it is something I want to tell you about. Perhaps it’ll be healing to someone you know as well.

On June 4, 2007, a family close to us celebrated the entrance of a beautiful little boy into this world. A few hours later, they had to say goodbye. That night about midnight Joe Young slipped quietly into the hospital with his equipment and used his camera to create photographic masterpieces of this tiny Treasure, and then he gave them to the family—all without cost—all invaluable.

Mr. Young is part of the organization Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, which provides professional photography for families coping with the grief of losing a baby. I have visited their site. It is stunningly beautiful. I fully believe in the healing power of what they are doing, and I wanted to share their information with you.

The following is from their website:

“Pregnancy and birth are a miraculous journey. This amazing time of life is full of mystery, anticipation, joy, hope, and wonder. Feeling the powerful energy of birth and new life, watching as a new family is born unto each other. These things humble and amaze. These are the things that we celebrate when a baby is born.

But there is another aspect of pregnancy and birth. There is an unexpected place in this journey where some families may find themselves. When a baby dies, a world is turned upside down. There is confusion, sadness, fear, and uncertainty that cannot be explained. There is sorrow where there should have been joy. During this time, it might be impossible for families to know what they might need in order to heal in the future.

This is the place where NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP gently provides a helping hand and a healing heart. NOW offers a vital service to our community. For families overcome by grief and pain, the idea of photographing their baby may not immediately occur to them. Offering gentle and beautiful photography and videography services in a compassionate and sensitive manner is the heart of this organization. The soft, gentle heirloom photographs of these beautiful babies are an important part of the healing process. They allow families to honor and cherish their babies, and share the spirits of their lives.”

Caring Unapologetically

2007-06-30T01:26:00.000-05:00

As I sit in my recliner writing this, my son sleeps restlessly on the couch less than four feet away. For the past four days he has been battling a flu-like virus, and for the last 30 hours or so, it has manifested in severe congestion in his sinuses. We know this is the last stage since our daughter endured the same nasty bug last week. We also know in some ways, this is the hardest stage.

Acetaminophen and ibuprofen give a good defense against the fever and headache. Lying still helps with the tummy ache, but the congestion is just a beast. Vaporizers, decongestants, and loads of waters don’t make much difference at all. If he lies down, he coughs and gags because the junk settles in his throat, so we keep him propped up, and it is easier to do that on the couch than in his bed. Plus, it is easier for one of us to be close to him this way as well.

During the two week stint of this virus’ rampage in our home, Rob and I have taken turns staying up with the children. Because their temperatures shot up to 103-104 without medicine, one of us would set an alarm and get up to give them medicine when it was needed. When little muscles and joints ached because of the high fever, we’d rub them. We placed cool washcloths on foreheads, and we kept water bottles readily available.

We have become aware of breathing changes, even quiet moans, and body movement. We have figured out which moans meant muscles ached and which moans meant we better have a trashcan ready. Even in our sleep, we are aware of these things and quickly respond to the need of the moment.

Thankfully, we have the ability to tag-team. After supper, I lay down and napped while Rob cared for the children. Now, I am taking the first shift of the night while he sleeps. If need be, I’ll wake him up later, and he’ll take over.

Granted, some of you might be wondering why we are “hovering”, and some of you may think our attention is excessive. You are certainly entitled to think that way, and I won’t tell you that you are wrong. However, one thing I have learned in my journey as a person and as a parent is that people usually have reasons for what they do, whether you agree or not. In my case, yes, I do fuss over my children when they are sick. Yes, I most likely am too protective. However, I know what we have gone through as we have dealt with a child who had a habit of going into respiratory distress without warning. For example, one very scary night I woke up and felt prompted to check on Robert. After the fact, it was obvious that it was the Holy Spirit who woke me up, but at the time I almost didn’t get up because a few ladies had taken it upon themselves to tell me I was overprotective and needed to quit fussing over my children so much. Instead of lying back down, I figured those women weren’t there to know, so I went into Robert’s room to find his lips and mouth blue and in distress to the point he could not make sound.

Maybe I am more fussy than most mothers. I don't know. What I know is my children. I know where we've been, and I know what we've endured. I am extremely protective, and I won't apologize for it.

And besides, I think we are teaching our children something important. Our actions tell our children, “You can depend on us. We are watching out for you.” More than that, I think we are saying, “Because we represent God to you, we want our actions to clearly say you can depend on Him. He is watching out for you.”

The Bible says we can cast our cares on Him because He cares for us. If our sitting in this recliner or dosing on the floor teaches our children that they can sleep when they are sick because they know we’ll be there if they need us, then it’s worth it because some day they will have to do something that tests their trust in God whether it be a move for business, a broken relationship, sickness, whatever. Something will come when they need to know they can trust God to care for them, and Rob and I will be able to say, “Do you remember when you were little and you would get sick? We would lie with you or put you on the couch and we’d sleep in the recliner or on the floor?” They’ll nod, and we’ll say, “We were so aware of your needs. Remember how we had water for you, gave you medicine, made sure there were crackers where you could reach them? Remember how we uncovered you when you were hot and wrapped you up when you were cold?” They’ll nod again, and we’ll say, “We did all that because we love you. We cared about you and cared about your comfort and health. We cared that you could rest. We cared about how you felt. We did those things because we love you, and you know what? God loves you even more.

“He is even more aware of your needs. He is everything you need, and where we could only wish to help, He can completely help. When we had to sleep or leave your side for a moment, He never leaves you. When we would get fatigued and frustrated, He is always patient and kind. He says you can cast every care and concern on Him because He cares for you. Whatever is bothering you, He will give you the attention we gave you and more. The comfort you found in knowing we were there, you can find in knowing He is there.”

Yeah, we might be a bit obsessive, but we’ve had a good example. I pray we reflect Him well enough for our children to see that.

May you be aware of the caring presence of the Lord in whatever is making you ache as well.

Copyright Jerri Phillips @ 2007

Real Life

2007-06-28T14:58:00.000-05:00

It has been nearly two weeks since I posted last, and that bothers me. I try to post weekly. I would like to post 2 or 3 times a week, but that is unrealistic considering my life right now, and that is okay. Right now, my life centers around my home and children, and I like that. At one time I didn’t think I would, but I do.

In fact, as I type this, my beloved children are cutting fabric scraps of all sizes and sewing things in order to make clothes for their stuffed animals. After 2 hours in uncomfortable dining room chairs, I had to take a break, but they are out there plugging away.

Today was supposed to be cleaning day, but I have nothing to convince me that a clean bedroom floor is more important than the creative actions going on in my sunroom right now. Besides, Anna is teaching Robert what she knows, and he is listening, and they are talking-bonding. They are being best friends, and that is a relationship I want to encourage.

So my day is blessed with the joy of sewing, laughing, and learning with the two coolest little folks I know. As a mom, it doesn’t get any better than this.

I sometimes forget how good days like this can be. I’m not one who tends to enjoy sitting. In fact, sitting often induces stress for me, but for two weeks now, the Lord has been reinforcing the joy of still. Well, “still” takes on different meanings, I guess.

Last week Anna came down with a flu-like virus that kept us homebound for the week. This week, Robert has it. We have all battled cabin fever at different times. I probably battled most of all. I have grown a bit tired of Uno, and if I have to watch a particular movie about a mouse being shoved down a toilet again, I may develop a tic.

However, I just fixed a hat for a Chihuahua, thus, allowing my son to know he is not a failure as a designer. He just has to learn how to improvise a bit. I’ve also kept my daughter from tears by being the one to put that giant string of thread through the tiny hole in the needle. Those holes were much bigger when I was younger. And from the reaction of both, you would think I had just saved mankind from some torturous extinction via sewing pins and scissors. I am quite sure I get the “Mommy of the Day Award”, and for such simple things.

The big thing, though, is that I did them. More than that, I made time to do them. Case in point, this paragraph, as it stands right now, has been a 10-minute effort, but during those 10 minutes, my son showed me his fun clothes dance, and I got to see a stuffed dog do some rather funny tricks. He’s really good at playing dead.

Once a lovely lady told me days when the children are ill are great days to do a deep cleaning on the house. It wasn’t until I quit laughing that I realized she was serious.

Deep cleaning on sick days is not my M.O. I have done some cleaning such as laundry and dishes, but beyond that, why bother? There are blankets on every surface where a small child with a 103 fever might want to lie down and curl up in order to feel warmer due to chills. Toys that were highly entertaining until the queasy wave hit are scattered here and there, but because they are often revisited once the wave has passed, I see no point in picking them up. No, I figure when the temperatures are normal and the tummies are settled, the clutter can be picked up and properly placed. For now, it is kind of nice to enjoy low-key children who want to sit, color, paint, sew, or watch TV…or even just snuggle and talk.

I have to say, this isn’t the life I dreamed of. It’s a lot better than any dream I ever had. Really.

Copyright Jerri Phillips @ 2007

Missing Pictures

2007-06-16T22:13:00.000-05:00

June 16, 2007

Today was our family reunion. Every other year my dad’s family gathers the day before Father’s Day to reconnect and meet new members of the clan. In the past we have done family group pictures. I like looking back at those pictures and remembering precious folks that have been important in my life.

Today we did family pictures. Two years ago when we took those pictures, I felt as though I couldn’t breathe. In fact, my knees buckled, and I had to lean against a table. Today, it was easier, but tears still came. The pictures affect me because of those who are no longer in them. When it was my family’s turn, I suddenly had an incredible sense of being alone.

Today my brother had to work. My mom has remarried, and she and my step-dad felt odd about attending, and my dad is no longer here to attend.

I miss my dad.

I hate that we have these reunions the day before Father’s Day. While I really enjoy my family, there is always an underlying sadness. Father’s Day is tough in and of itself, and the reunion only reminds me of how much is missing.

I know we have hope because of the Lord Jesus Christ, and I know the Father God is our true Father. He is a Father to the fatherless, and I am blessed in that the Lord has given me a wonderful step-dad. I know I am not without or lacking.

I also know I would love to hear my dad laugh again. I would love one more cup of his coffee. I would love to sit with him on the porch and look across the creek bottom and watch the sun come up one more time.
Tonight we took my step-dad out for dinner, and we had a lovely time with him. We always do. Tomorrow we’ll celebrate my husband because he is a great dad.

And the sadness in my heart and feeling of loss will hopefully cause me to take a closer look at what is IN the picture.

I pray your pictures are full of people who bring you joy…even those precious people who are missing.

Other Personal Blog Site

2007-04-05T15:15:00.000-05:00

As some of you know, for over a year now, I have been working on getting my personal web site, Passionate Worship, functional. The first step has finally been addressed. WonderMan has set up the personal blog for that site. I will probably still blog here, but if you visit here often, I suggest you try out the new link at
www.passionateworship.net/blog

I expect that blog to be more up to date, and I know how to personalize the links and such. I haven't figured that out here. I hope to see you there, too.

Have a glorious day!!!

Soul Scents

2007-03-28T18:58:00.000-05:00

Periodically I fall into something really good, and when I do, I always try to share. Recently I fell into something good for the soul. It's called Soul Scents.

Paula Moldenhauer is a wife, a mother of four, a homeschool mom, a writer, and a passionate worshipper. My kind of gal. The stuff she writes is honest, real, and powerful. AND, she delivers!!! If you don't have time to check a site regularly, she'll send her stuff straight to you, and trust me, it is good food for the soul.

I don't know how I came across Soul Scents, but I'm glad I did, and if you check it out, you'll be glad you did, too.

Blessings!

What is and What Could Be

2007-03-26T10:36:00.001-05:00

I found this roaming around my draft list. It is so pertinent to where I am right now that I had to share it with you.

The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.- Charles Du Bos

Thank you FCHN!

2007-03-23T07:42:00.001-05:00

I want to thank the wonderful members of FCHN who invited me to share with them about encouragement. I had such a lovely time. The food was delicious, and the fellowship was fantastic. You folks certainly know how to make a gal feel welcome, and I hope to hang out with y'all again soon.

Be blessed!

TV Theology

2007-03-22T08:54:00.000-05:00

This morning my son invited me to the couch so we could watch some TV together and snuggle. This is prime time, folks, so I followed him into the TV room, and we made ourselves comfy and hit the button on the remote. Nothing.

Huh.

I pushed the "source" button. Nothing.

I turned the DVD player off and rebooted it. Nothing.

I turned the DVR box off and on. Nothing.

Finally, in an act of frustration--there was no desperation but definite frustration--I called WonderMan on his cell phone. Our conversation went something like this:

"The TV won't work."

"Is it on?"

Trying to curb my tone, "Yes."

"Change the source button."

"I did. Nothing."

"Are you sure it is in the right place?" I read the "source" information to him. "Huh. Try the DVD box."

"Turned it off and rebooted it."

"You know you have to reset it."

"There is nothing to reset. There are no words on the screen asking me to pick a language. There is nothing."

"Huh. Have you....?" He told me to do everything I had already done. Then a lightbulb went on. "Is it just black?'

"Yes."

"Then that channel isn't working. Change the channel."

I hit the channel up button, and lo and behold, TV!

I was glad to get the TV going, but I confess, I was a bit annoyed. I'm old enough to remember when we had four channels to watch, and you know what? I never had to call tehnical help to find out how to pull the on/off button out or push it in. I never had to call anyone to find out how to turn the knob to change the channels. It was so much simpler.

Some argue TV is better now because it offers so many options and so much information. Really? Then why do people I talk to complain that they have 100s of channels with nothing to see on them? Seems like it offers a bunch of distractions that encourage us to sit in our comfy spots instead of getting out and getting involved in life. Some call it escape. I tend to think it is hiding, but that is my opinion. Take it for what the Holy Spirit says it is worth.

Personally, simple works for me.

This morning I was sitting in my comfy spot having my quiet time, and I asked the Lord simply, "What do you want to speak to me?" He took me to the last chapter of Matthew. I've read it several times, but I truly believed it was of God so I read it again.

The chapter tells of Jesus being tried, condemned, crucified, buried, and raised again. It tells how He made His resurrection known to people, but some still doubted. It also ends simply: Then Jesus came to them and said, "18 All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Does theology get any easier than that?

--Jesus has all authority.

--Make disciples. Folks need to learn to be like Jesus. thsi step is learning our try identities, becoming who we were truly created to be. We were created for His glory. In being disciples we learn how to glorify the Father.

--Baptizing them. EVERYONE should be baptized. Notice the baptizing comes after the acceptance of Christ.

--Teach them to obey everything I commanded. That sounds daunting, but it isn't. What did Jesus command? Love the Lord our God with all our heart and with all our mind and with all our strength and to love our neighbor as ourself. In short, Jesus' command is simple--LOVE!

Too simple? Like a 4-channel TV set? Well, it has the essential information, and it doesn't waste my time on opinion, debates, and unnecessary information. AND it puts the responsibility to act back on me. It doesn't allow me a comfy spot where I can live vicariously through others. It doesn't give me the opportunity to channel surf because I don't like what's on. Instead, it says simply, "Jesus is the one in charge, and He says I am responsible for developing a relationship with God and growing in it. " No place to hide there, is there?

Yep, simple works for me.

Praying the Lord keeps reminding me of the power of simple faith especially when others tell me complicated is better...

A Word

2007-03-18T17:06:00.000-05:00

I am taking a break. I will be speaking to a group of homeschool parents Thursday night. My topic, which I love, is encouragement. I'll discuss the biblical principle of encouragement, the difference between encouragement and praise, the power of encouragement, the negatives of praise by itself, and how to make encouragement a daily act of ministry.

As I said, I love this topic because it has the power to change a live, and it really takes so little effort.

I have had the opportunity to speak/teach on this topic in the past. I've taught on this in a class series. I've taught onit at a women's breakfast. I've also taught on it at a women's retreat. I'll be honest, the class series was a bust. People really didn't see the need for this skill. Sad. The women's breakfast was a joy. I knew the women. I loved them then and love them now. The one that struck me the most, though, was the women's retreat. It was powerful, and it really had far more to do with God than it did me. I was the vessel, but truly, what happened there was beyond what mortal words could accomplish. When I start thinking my abilities are about me, I always think back to that and remember that God did a work beyond anything I could do.

It has been awhile since I've done public speaking. I still love it. I can't even explain it. It's like taking a deep breath of the purest air imaginable. It really is life within me. Still, there are times when I start to get nervous. After having the chance to teach at length on this topic, I have 45 minutes this week, and I've never been known for being brief. That is a bit unnerving. Plus, there are simply so many things I want to say. I want these parents to understand the power they have to influence their children simply by the words they choose to use. I feel such urgency to present examples and stories and...

It is really easy to get caught up in what I want to convey, what I want them to know, what I want them to understand, so I take a break periodically and stop. I stop and get still and ask, "Lord, what do you want them to hear? What do you want them to know?" It isn't what Jerri says or what Jerri thinks that will affect these families. It is what God says both through the words and through the Spirit that will make the difference.

I know that. I've seen the truth of it repeatedly in my speaking and home life. Truly, God's word supercedes mine everytime. Still, we are told in 2 Timothy 2:15, "Study and be eager and do your utmost to present yourself to God approved (tested by trial), a workman who has no cause to be ashamed, correctly analyzing and accurately dividing [rightly handling and skillfully teaching] the Word of Truth." In other words, if you hope to hear the words of God coming out of your mouth, you better spend the time putting them into your heart, which I better get back to doing.

Praying I never grow lazy in putting the Word of God in my heart so He can put the right words in my mouth to speak to other people's hearts...

You Can Say That Again

2007-03-15T17:16:00.000-05:00

I like quotes. This is one I find to be true in virtually every human endeavor. Of course, God can jump in and change things whenever He wants, but as a rule....

"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."- Beverly Sills

Wearing Down

2007-03-13T18:17:00.000-05:00

I'm tired. I'm so tired I ache. It isn't so much what I did today either. It is what I have done for the last three days. On Sunday WonderMan and I worked in the yard. We got lots of good work done, and I got some plants rearranged and my seeds down in one bed before the rain started Sunday night. That was good. My back, however, wasn't thrilled. Yesterday the children and I spent over three hours doing errands and buying groceries. It really wasn't a hard day, but with an already tender back, it had some rough consequences last night. Today, the children made banana bread, and I swept up after them and swept the other tile floors in the house. I also did some work in the sun room. When I realized I couldn't get everything organized I needed put away, I decided to make the much needed shelves. WonderMan had already cut the wood. It simply needed to be screwed together and painted. The children helped, which was a blessing, but it still meant a lot of bending and stooping, and now, I am paying the price for my industrious efforts.

If I continue at this pace, I could end up with bulging discs again. I spent 8 weeks in misery before because I didn't know when to quit pushing my limits. I still deal with consequences of that delusional perception of immortality.

Too often I think we don't realize the effects of seemingly negligible behavior. Physically, as an athlete, I was taught a real athletes plays with pain and never gripes. Real athletes also often face surgeries, life-time pain, and drug problems due to damage that cannot be fixed. While I believe God used basketball as part of my sanity, I still find it a highly questionable risk.

Spiritually, we risk far more when we begin to dabble in areas that seem inconsequential. One flirtatious joke. One date with someone who doesn't share our values. One trip to that club on the outskirts of town because that is where everyone at the office is going. One lie about one's income. One. Just one. I spent one day working in the flower beds. Did it ruin my back? No, but it sure made it susceptible to further injury. The problem is, though, I develop a false security. One time didn't hurt me. Surely I'll be fine doing this. Then comes the rationalization and the second time.

The second joke. The second date. Second trip to the club. The second lie.

Still, I'm a little sore, but I'm doing okay, and it felt good to get those things done. Just like the flirting feels good. The attention feels good. Watching those women (or men) feels good. Having a bigger bank account feels good.

At what point does the delusion that I am doing no damage stop? When I am in an MRI machine finding out whether I'll need surgery? When the flirting becomes kissing or when the kissing becomes intercourse? When the date becomes adulterous or an unequally yoked marriage? Maybe when the fantasies make it nearly impossible to work or maybe when your wife-or worse, your child-finds the porn on your computer or under your bed? Before or after the IRS audits you and takes all you own or sends you to jail?

It doesn't even have to be "the big stuff" listed above. Shopping, eating, coffee with the girls, cleaning, not cleaning...Anything that takes your heart from God and the ministry He has for you both inside your house and has to be seen for what it is. It is sin, and sin leads to destruction.

It destroys families, children, relationships, companies...individuals.

When does the reality of the consequences of our actions become painful enough that we can no longer ignore, but instead, we acknowledge the pain and destruction we are causing and repent of our ways?

Tonight I am taking time to listen to my back. It says my behavior is destructive. I can listen now or be forced to deal with the consequences of my behavior later. Destructive behavior cannot be ignored forever.

Praying the Quiet Voice whispers loud enough that I can never ignore it...and never want to...

I've Fallen, and I Can't Get Up on my Own

2007-03-08T21:39:00.000-06:00

I have this tendency not to write when life becomes "intense", which really means when I feel I am spending more time picking gravel out of my knees because I just fell again than I am actually moving forward.

My friend Iona is amazing to me. She can be so completely transparent about her victories, encouragement, discouragement, and failings. Today I was reading a book by Lisa Whelchel (www.LisaWhelchel.com), and she talked about her failings and weaknesses a lot more openly than most folks I know. Folks who can lay their heart out there for all to see amaze me.

Now, the irony is that I have been told repeatedly that the strength of my writing is in my willingness to be transparent and vulnerable. People want to know they are not the only ones who struggle, tumble, and pick gravel from their knees. Of course, I can only speak for me, but I like to know I'm not in this struggle alone, and I doubt I am the only one who feels that way.

As I sat here and thought about that, I think there are primarily two groups of people who like to know they are not alone in the "gravel picking" department. I think the first group likes to point at others' failures and use them as excuses for how they are. Perhaps that is cynical. I tend to think some folks call things cynical because the truth of the statement hits too close to home, but then, I could be cynical about that as well. Anyway, the second group that likes to know they aren't alone in picking gravel are the ones who desire to be the best they can be, to be a good and faithful servant. Sometimes it is nice to know that even those who "have it all together" really don't. It gives us hope that we are not beyond change. It helps us be encouraged that someday we won't trip over that same rock...again. Somehow knowing others struggle make us feel less like failures and more like works in progress.

In theory, we shouldn't need anyone else to help us with that. The Bible says that He who began a good work in you is faithful to complete it (Philippians 1:6). Paul says he moves forward to take hold of the prize, not that he already has, but that he is in the process (Philippians 3). In fact, Paul says the following:

8 What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10 I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
15All of us who are mature should take such a view of things..."

Yesterday was one of those days that left me lying face down on the path to eternity, and while it involved an abundance of humility, it was not an act of worship that put me there.

Simply stated, things that were unresolved built up to ungodly levels (Note that if things are not addressed and settled to the glory of God, they are unresolved at an ungodly level, so we had long since taken a flying leap into ungodly levels of unresolved issues). The result was an even more ungodly explosion of anger, hurt, and accusations. Beloved Husband is out of town, so he didn't see the full display, but he heard it. By the time the children went to bed, they had ample opportunity to witness Mommy repenting and explaining that even when someone hurts you or makes you angry, voices elevated to high decibel levels are not the way to handle the situation. The children were forgiving. Beloved Hubby understood the root issues and was forgiving, and when the dust had settled, I lay in the floor and cried.

I hadn't just stumbled. I had taken a header, and from what I could see, I was pretty disfigured. I emailed my friend MaryB and confessed everything. She was loving and kind, and then said the most Realistic thing she could. She said, "But I say, 'Get up. He sees your tears. He knows your humanity. He also knows your familiy's humanity. And He loves because He truly knows YOU.'"

Sounds a lot like Paul, in my opinion. Perhaps Paul's words could be paraphrased, "Instead of lying on the floor crying because I blew it, I get up and move on because I know my righteousness is not dependent on my ability because I have none. My righteousness is dependent on my faith in Christ Jesus who has already become righteousness for me. He is already my perfection, and I am in the process of becoming like Him. I'm not like Him yet, and I won't get there by lying on the floor crying. I choose to press on with faith in Him to make me who He has said I am."

So I embraced Mary's directive, and I got off the floor. I blew it yesterday. I blew it some today. I'm in the process.

You know what really makes me stop and think, though? What utterly fascinates me in all this is my real role in this process. Do you notice that Paul never mentions what he can do to overcome all of his failures? Paul has no four-point plan on how to modify his behavior or stop committing a particular sin. To the contrary, Paul says he recognizes that he will never achieve anything on his own, and his solution is not to "modify" the flesh but to let it die. In fact, Paul considers any effort he can make for his own righteousness to be rubbish, and instead, longs to embrace the absolute necessity of righteousness through Christ as the only means to eternal life. Paul is completely convinced he can do nothing for himself.

So where does change come from? In the two scriptures I just mentioned, we find two simple answers:
1. Dying with Christ and taking His righteousness.
2. Letting God do His job and get out of His way. Notice that Paul does not say, "And if you work really hard, you'll finally get there." No, Paul said that the Father, who began a good work in you, is faithful to complete it.

The last thing I want to mention as a necessity is the filling and leading of the Holy Spirit. Romans 12: 1 and 2 say, " 1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. "

How is your mind renewed?
1. Dying to yourself and living in Christ.
2. Letting God do His work in you.
3. Letting the Holy Spirit lead you into all truth (John 16:13).

I won't tell you it is an easy journey. It's not. It hurts. If it were easy, every human being would be flocking to it. However, if you want answers, I got those. I have ALL the answers because I know there is only one Answer, and even when I am lying on my face in the gravel where I just fell over the most obvious rock in the world, He is still the Answer, and when I call to Him, He is faithful to answer.

Praying you remeber that even when the questions are hard or you think you might be bombing your test, there is only one Answer, and He is faithful to answer you when you call to Him...

Value

2007-02-26T18:42:00.000-06:00

Last Tuesday Wondergirl and I worked with a team of wonderful ladies who form an outreach team for our church. We go where needed to help other ladies with a variety of things around the home. The needs vary from cleaning to painting to light repair work. Last week we helped a wonderful lady who was just feeling a bit overwhelmed by the first spring without her husband who passed on last fall. Talk about a joy. Mrs. J was an absolute delight! That was so much fun.

Tomorrow we help another team paint a kitchen. I cannot tell you how much this thrills us. First of all, we are working with some of the most wonderful women you could ever want to meet. Second, it is a joy to have WonderGirl with me. She has such a heart of service, and it shows. I really enjoy her, and I cannot tell you how much it blesses me that others enjoy her, too. She is just completely precious. Third, we love this stuff! I know it sounds weird, but we love hanging with others and loving on folk. Does life get better than that?

Tomorrow is also very thrilling for me because we are using it as a "pilot program". Sarah, the director, and I are praying that the Lord uses this outreach to help bring families together. We are hoping to develop an outreach team of moms and children.

Today I had a chance to talk to Sarah, and she asked me what my vision for this group is. I shared my heart as I could articulate it at the moment. In short, my desire is to help families learn to work as a unit and not cohabitate as a bunch of individuals. Simple enough.

On a larger scale, though, I want to see healing in families on a group as well as individual level. I find it sad and disturbing that so many people in this world do not know the simple concept of value. It is my heart for each person to realize God created each of them with more value than we can imagine. As individuals, we are invaluable, and society is good at capitalizing on the idea that we each have a call and each have gifts. Too often we become so caught up in our individual value that we miss the joy of our value within the groups of those who love us, those with whom we share our lives. We become so focused on our individual jobs, responsibilities, and goals that we forget that we are also put within our families because God has a plan not only to raise godly offspring but to bless and impact this world with our families as a whole.

God looked at Adam and said it wasn't good for man to be alone. Adam needed a helper. He needed to be part of something larger than himself and what he was able to do. That has not changed. We all need helpers, and we all need to be a helper. The family is the perfect place for that to happen, but it will only happen when we realize the value of those involved and act in accordance with that truth.

I think if I could give people anything in the world, save salvation of course, it would be the knowledge of how valuable they are and how much value they are able to speak into others' lives.

Prayerfully, our outreach group will demonstrate our value of people, not just the owners of the home where we work but the value of those working as well....

Childlike

2007-02-18T19:17:00.000-06:00

The Man of My Dreams won tickets to the Daytona 500 in Florida, and since we could not find a sitter for the whole weekend, we opted to split the children between us and give them special child/parent time.

Because I didn't want WonderBoy to feel like he was missing wonderful things on the trip, I planned certain things that I know he loves. Our weekend has gone like this:

Man of my Dreams and WonderGirl left at 6:30 am Saturday morning. For breakfast, WonderBoy and I headed to our favorite Starbuck's where they know us by name. Then we headed home and started playing with clay, which we did for over two hours. For lunch we had a load of crinkle fries and ketchup with sandwiches on the side (the sandwiches made my conscience feel better). Then I took a 30 minute nap and sewed up some pants I needed to make while Robert played with his new clay creations. Then we jumped on the trampoline for about 30 minutes before heading in for our showers. When we were done with our showers, we loaded up and went to friends' for play time and dinner before all of us headed out to church. On the way home from church, we grabbed cookies and chocolate covered donuts. At home, we watched "The Perils of Penelope Pitstop" and dipped cookies into our milk. We topped off the night by camping on the living room floor.

This morning we woke up with the sun and enjoyed donuts and milk for breakfast. Then we spent another few hours sculpting with clay before we ate leftover pizza for lunch. After lunch we headed to the science museum where we played for a little while and then watched the documentary "Dolphins". WonderBoy loves dolphins, and this was fantastic. At that point, we were hungry, so we headed toward home, stopping by Starbuck's (where they don't know us) for a shared treat, and then walking two doors down to one of our favorite craft places to get some more clay. With clay in hand, we came home for dinner. After which, we jumped on the trampoline a bit more. When it became too dark to jump on the trampoline, WonderBoy slid into a warm tub of bubbles and played. Right now he is watching some television while I write this. Then we'll both head off to bed and get ready for tomorrow.

Tomorrow our friend Vicki is coming over to play clay (can you tell WonderBoy LOVES sculpting?), and we are going to a Mongolian restaurant for lunch. WonderBoy is the adventuresome eater in the family, and he has never been to a restaurant like that, so this will be fun. After lunch, we are going to one of his favorite parks where he can play and we can all play tennis.

I'm telling you, I really tried to make this a great weekend or him.

As we talked about the weekend, he said, "Mom, all the things we've done have been really nice and fun, but that isn't what made it great."

"Really?" I asked. "What made it great?"

"I had you all to myself. I loved just having your attention and having you all to myself."

Yes, that melted my mother's heart. It also touched my child's heart that wants my Father's attention to be enough instead of getting all wound up in what He is doing for me or giving to me.

Praying to be more childlike so I can see the joy and delight of having a Father and His attention more than anything else....

Fred Tails

2007-02-11T21:02:00.001-06:00

Several folks have been asking about Fred. It occurred to me that I have not given updates on Fred in months. For those who do not know about our Fred Tails, let me get you up to speed.

Last March, our beloved Gummie died at that age of 14. Gummie was a precious 5-pound toy poodle, and she was a joy to our family. Needless to say, we missed her, so we chose to adopt a dog. I had planned on getting an adult dog, but the children became enthralled with the idea of a puppy. For reasons we are still unable to explain, we went with that. As a result, we adopted three beautiful puppies. Tristan was mine. Ginger belonged to our daughter, and Fred belonged to our son. Tristan would be a pretty good size dog, but Ginger and Fred were Beagle litter-mates, and they would be fairly small, only 15 pounds. It would work out.

Sadly, it didn't. Ten days after we brought them home, we had to make the choice to humanely put down Ginger and Tristan due to distemper. Fred, on the other hand, had a natural immunity, and with a boost from the vet, Fred made it through.

That was last June.

In July we had another Fred Tail scare. Fred began mutilating his tail. There was a strong possibility he would lose his tail, and there was concern that the distemper had affected his brain. Even if we saved his tail, could Fred still be saved? Again, God did wondrous things for Fred. Blessed with good veterinary care, our then 20 pound Fred got to keep his tail, and there is no sign of neuropathy.

When we had him neutered in September, our 30 pound Fred came through it with flying colors. Our vet also gave us some good news. Fred was nearly done growing.

At Christmas, we decided to see how much Fred weighed since we were sure he had grown since September. While we don't have an exact number, we know our daughter weighs over 70 pounds, and Fred weighs more than Anna.

Wondering how our "Beagle" got that big? Well, a Beagle doesn't get that big, but a Jack Russell/Lab mix does.

I won't lie to you. We never intended to have a dog that is closing in on 80 pounds. His head can lie on our kitchen table while all four of his paws are on the floor. Frankly, it has been a hard road. The dog looks full-grown, but he is a puppy. He eats things like a puppy. He destroys things like a puppy. He destroyed my large watering can. He can take a chew toy for a 60-pound dog and destroy it in less than 15 minutes. One day Rob took him to a park with a cement walking track that is approximatly 1/3 mile in length. Rob wore skates and held on to Fred's leash. Fred took off at a hard run. Six laps later, Rob's skates were no longer functional. They had disintegrated. Fred, however, was ready to play fetch.

Does that sound a bit daunting? If you aren't used to big dogs, it probably does.

Granted, we were not prepared for how big Fred has grown, and I'm not sure we were prepared for how big of a blessing he is either. When you look past his size, you find a dog with the sweetest temperament in the world. He loves his family, and he tries to please us. He is magnificent with the children, although he is still learning they are authority and not puppies. He and I have a routine. First thing in the morning, I let him out of his crate, and while I have my quiet time on the couch, he lies beside me with his head on my lap. I scratch behind his ears, read my Bible, and/or pray. We hang out, and it is exactly what I had wanted in a dog, even if this dog takes up 2/3 of the couch. At night, the children go to bed. Rob works on something computer oriented, and Fred and I are back on the couch. He isn't really a lap-dog, but he is a snuggle buddy, and if your toes are cold, you can't find a better heater.

But isn't that like a lot of our blessings? When we quit being bothered that they don't look exactly like we think they should, we have the opportunity to see just how big they are, and Fred is pretty big.

Praying your blessings are big...

Let's Say Thanks

2007-02-02T19:54:00.001-06:00

Several months ago I mentioned a website I frequent. It is a site that allows you to send beautiful cards to soldiers around the world. In all seriousness, in less than 10 seconds, you could send a lovely card to a very appreciative soldier.

First you pick a design, and there are several beautiful ones. Then you type in your name (tab) your state (tab) and either choose a message that is prepared for you or take the time to write your own. Then hit the "Submit" button.

I have a quick link on my computer, and any time I surf, I start at that site and send a card. Sometimes I send one card a day, and days like today when I am doing a lot of research for homeschool, I send several. I don't think there is a limit on how many you send.

The site is http://www.letssaythanks.com/Home1280.html

If you wonder if it makes a difference, check out some of the comments and see the pictures.

To put this in perspective for you, in the time you spend surfing channels during a commercial break, you could easily send four cards, maybe more. In the time it took you to read this post, you could have sent 4-10 cards. I appreciate your reading my blog. They appreciate your cards, too, so jump over there and give them a bit of your time, okay?

Thank you.

This is a comment from the website:

A letter from an Army Specialist:

As I was leaving an un-eventful Valentine's Day today, one of the mail clerks yelled "Adams!! You have a package!!" A package, I thought to myself. I'm not expecting anything. What could this be? I took the box into my office and closed the door. As I opened the box, a flood of joy came over me as I looked over the cards from you and the young ones, one of my co-workers walked in to see tears rolling down my eyes. I had never received a gift with this much love, packed into one little place from someone that I've never known.

As I thought about what the cards talked about with soldiers giving their lives and privileges up to ensure the freedom of Americans, it was nice to know that someone out there does not take it for granted. I don't know who you are, but you are truly a gift from God. The gift that gives me the drive to serve my country proudly. As you pray that the Lord keeps the soldiers here safe and brings us home, I pray to the Lord that people like you do not die off from this world. Your contributions are nowhere near inadequate. Please never forget what this means to a soldier. Thank you for your love and thoughts.

Different

2007-02-01T17:48:00.000-06:00

Well, I have been avoiding my blog because I couldn't figure out how to make the title appear again. I changed from the old version to the new, and my titles disappeared. Being the computer semi-literate that I am, I spent an obnoxious amount of time trying to fix it only to end up muttering under my breath while threatening the safety of an inanimate object. THEN, this incredibly handsome (and smart, I also love him for his brains) man I live with took a look at it, and two minutes later, he hands me my computer with title intact. Just another reason I thank God that wonderful man's title is My Husband.

Anyway, isn't it funny where a week can take you? I'll level with you. I was struggling last week. Physically I was exhausted. My children had been sick with a respiratory thing going around. My son required a middle-of-the-night trip to the ER to deal with a double ear infection that left him screaming in pain. About the time they were sleeping well and we weren't alternating between steamy bathrooms and the deck where it was a nice 60% humidity and mid-30s temp, My Husband got hit. Now, WonderMan (and he is) is not whimp. The whole thing about how men are babies when they are sick does not apply to Wonder Man. This stuff knocked him for a loop. Usually, if the kids are sick, one of us will go to church and the other stays home with the kids. The kids still weren't up for church, and Rob was not up to taking care of them, not even sitting up and watching a movie. My Man was sick. It took about three days for him to breathe without being wheezy, and then...yep...I got it. I don't think I've been as sick as anyone else in the family, but my head has hurt, and breathing has been challenging. So, physically, I was exhausted.

Mentally, I was exhausted. Mental and physical exhaustion are hard to separate as you most likely know.

Emotionally, I don't even have an adjective. The only thing that came to mind was "raw", but I think I was pretty shut down. Granted, I was very easily affected, but is that really "raw"?

Spiritually, well, spiritually is always what seems to determine how much the first three interact, and I have to say the interaction wasn't good. Now, I didn't say I wasn't in a good place spiritually. Sometimes you can be a in good place and it still be hard. When a person is pouring forth before God and seeking the Lord and the Lord is doing a mighty work of healing or cleaning or drawing or really any kind of speaking, it can be intense. I have had a few really intense weeks.

Thankfully, I finally got a breakthrough that totally rocked me today. I've been struggling in an area, and I couldn't figure out the root. I had pretty much shut down in a lot of ways, and I couldn't pinpoint the cause. I didn't know where it had started, and I wasn't sure how to come out of it. Well, yesterday I felt like the Lord gave me the strategy for coming out of it, and today I started implementing it in faith. The Lord honored that, and today He revealed the source of the issue and then confirmed it by bringing to mind a pointed prophetic word of healing I received last fall. So now, I am sleepy but beaming. Truly, it is amazing the difference a week makes.

Actually, you know what? The week had nothing to do with it. The issue started over a year ago. A week did not break the hold. The real truth is what a difference an encounter with God makes. If you've ever been at a place of desperation where He intervened, you know what I mean. If you are pouring out before Him and pleading for help and are waiting, you know what I mean. If you have never known that kind of desperation or that kind of passionate seeking or if you've never had that kind of encounter with God, you need one. When you've had one, you'll know what I mean. There is nothing like it, and you won't be like you are after you've had it.

Isn't it glorious the difference an encounter with God can make?

Praying that wherever you are and whatever you need you will have the encounter with God that makes the difference....

The Power of a Name

2007-01-22T16:37:00.000-06:00

Our local newspaper is having a “semantics” debate, or so it would appear. The question is what the labels should be for the groups that are either pro-life or pro-choice in philosophy. The off-handed answer is, “Who cares?” or “What difference does it make?” Well, actually, it makes a lot of difference.

The newspaper has determined that it is indirectly derogatory to use the term “pro-life”. By using this label, it is insinuated that the opposing group is anti-life. Granted, to say that those who support the right for a woman to terminate her pregnancy at any time are anti-life is a bit extreme. They don’t dismiss the value of ALL life. They obviously value their own or they would not make the choice to protect its convenience or facade, and I doubt these people would pull a gun on a stranger on the street and murder them for no reason. So “anti-life” might be a bit strong.

To correct this, the newspaper suggests referring to the groups as “pro-“ and “anti-abortion”. That seems simple enough. Except that the intimation of the term “anti-abortion” is that those who believe children are a divinely created person with a purpose for being conceived in the first place are, in fact, antagonists of those who believe the solution for our nation’s family crisis is to kill “unwanted” children. Those who are anti-abortion are seen as the ones oppressing those who simply want their rights.

I find it ironic that those of us who do not believe abortion is a right or an option cannot be pro-life because it suggests those who oppose our philosophy are pro-death, but it is perfectly acceptable to label us with a term that suggests we are oppressive and unfeeling for those “in crisis”.

I will be honest. I don’t even like the term “pro-choice”. The baby has no choice, and frankly, I think if we stop screaming about the horror of the act and look deeper at the cause, we would realize that a large number of abortions are the result of women feeling they have no choice. I personally know two young women whose parents made them have abortions. Were those women “pro-choice”, or was their “choice” forced on them?

And before we get so self-righteous and proclaim, “Well, they got pregnant. They had the choice to not have sex,” let’s get off our high horses and look at the reality of the mentality of women who have sex outside of marriage, especially teenage girls. Instead of taking it on a case by case basis, let’s do a general look at one woman most of us have read about—the prostitute that washed Jesus’ feet with her tears.

I don’t know how old she was when she became sexually involved the first time. It doesn’t really matter. She was a woman when she went to Jesus, and you know what we see in her? We see a woman who was told her identity and worth was wrapped up in her ability to please and satisfy a man sexually. What do you think television and secular music teaches women...and men? Look at the clothes that are fashionable for young girls. Look at the magazines for the “tween” and teens. And look how parents and the church promote this mindset. I think it is easy to see why women don’t see themselves as any more valuable than the woman who poured her heart out at Jesus feet.

So here is a woman who obviously has sexual freedom. In fact, she makes her living being free to have sex, and what do we find her doing? Standing on a street corner yelling that she has the right to do anything she wants with her body? Accosting Jesus and telling Him to mind His own business because hers is a good life and He has no right to interfere with her rights and her choices? No. We find her at the feet of the One that values her for her whole being. We find her so desperate for value and identity that embraces her right to be something besides an object of gratification for others that she is willing to risk walking into a Pharisee’s house into a room with a bunch of self-righteous, highly religious men. We see a woman who had all the rights and could make any choice she wanted, and she chose the love of Jesus.

I will not dismiss a person’s responsibility. A person is responsible for what they choose to do with their body, but we simplify the situation too much when we remove the causes of those actions. It is easy to define someone who has an abortion as selfish, self-centered, and cold-hearted. It becomes complicated when we look deeper and find those people are terrified, abandoned, rejected, or confused. How do we respond to the woman who is in a destructive relationship because she believes that is all she is worth, and then becomes pregnant and cannot begin to fathom what she is supposed to do? She can’t figure out how to take care of herself, little less a baby. What about the teenager who feels estranged from her parents already and is involved with a boy that “loves her” only when a baby comes into the picture he doesn’t know her name? What then?

Don’t get me wrong. I think abortion is a sin. I think lying is a sin, but people do it when it seems the easier way out. I think alcoholism is a sin, but people do it when they need to escape something. The difference is we can often relate to the person who feels overwhelmed or wounded and as a result does something sinful. Not many of us can relate to someone facing the overwhelming responsibility of taking care of a baby that they never expected when in truth, on some level they are really looking for someone to take care of them. I think if we take Paul’s words into consideration that our battle is not against flesh and blood-not against the women having abortions or the doctors doing the abortions or even the leaders legalizing abortions-“but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” maybe we would quit bickering over the semantics of labels or viciously pointing figures based on perception of heart conditions and actually make a difference in this battle for life, and I don’t just mean for that of the unborn child.

Does that solve the great label debate? Not unless we take an uncomfortable look at the truth. The truth is Christians often refer to people who abort a child or support that option as selfish and self-centered. Well of course they are, so is every Christian I know. That is the definition of the flesh that wants its own way. The difference is a Christian has the Holy Spirit leading them into truth so they can overcome the flesh. Those who are lost don’t have that. We have the Truth as our direction. What do those who are lost have? The lies the world tells them. They have the lie that they are only as important as what they can accomplish, and a baby would mess that up. They have the lie that they aren’t valuable and nothing that comes from them is valuable. The lies vary, but they all have one thing in common—they are lies. Christians will never affect the problem by calling people names. Instead, we need to call the lies “lies” and declare the truth that these women and their babies are masterpieces of Almighty God. The God who made the universe was detailed enough to make them part of it, and they are His beloved creations whom He seeks to draw to Him. Lives will not change until women understand their true value and identity in the Lord.

I realize my perspective does not lend itself to offering up politically correct labels. However, it would do the Christian community good to consider its own heart when offering labels rather than simply screaming about labels that attack its character or intentions. We can call “pro-abortion” people a lot of things like “wounded” or “deceived”, and we can agree they act that way. We call ourselves “Christians”. I pray we act that way.

A Dose of Good Medicine

2007-01-17T18:25:00.000-06:00

January 17, 2007

Today I discovered that a place of emotional treasure from my childhood has closed, and it has left me wandering a bit emotionally.

Watts Bros. Pharmacy in Gainesville, Texas, was there my whole life. When I was growing up, it was a true small town pharmacy. There was the pharmacy in the back, and as you made your way there, you passed knick knack shelves, which were made of glass. My favorite shelving group held the perfumes. I can still see the pretty bottles there.

On your right was a true soda fountain. The seats were round with a red cover, and they turned. That was heaven for a child. The counter held various goodies: pies, cake, and stick candy. You could order a straight soda or an ice cream float. You could even get ice cream with sprinkles! I’m telling you, it was a child’s heaven, and it might have been pretty close to heaven for adults, too.

When my dad had his heart attacks in the late 80s, my parents started using Watts Bros. exclusively for Dad’s prescriptions. There is something precious about knowing folk and being known. A few years after Dad’s heart attacks, Dad developed a respiratory infection and was taken to the ER where he was given several prescriptions. Mom took them to Watts Bros. to have them filled and dropped them off on her way to work. She was going to pick them up on the way home. While she was at work, the pharmacist called her. “Gayle, you need to call the doctor. I can’t give Jerry this prescription because it’ll react to another medicine he is on, and it can kill him. If you can’t get the doctor at his office, call me back. I’ll call him at home, and I’ll wait here until we get this straightened out and you can pick up the medicine.” People like that are the gems of life.

Since then, that precious pharmacist developed cancer and went home to be with the Lord. His wife closed the pharmacy but rented it to Timothy and Kathie Parks, who turned it into a bookstore full of character. They sold books that share the history of the area, and they had wonderful bits of memorabilia spread around. And, if you asked them, they’d gladly take time to tell you anything you wanted to know, and you could learn wonderful things and enjoy warm friendship at the very same soda fountain that had been there my whole life.

Last fall we had the joy of spending a few days with Kathie and Timothy in their wonderful shop. We perused books, listened to CDs of a local choir, and sipped Purple Cows and real fountain sodas. I learned things about Gainesville history that I had never heard, and we enjoyed the excitement the Parks have for Gainesville, history, and people.

This spring we were going to visit the auction barn on the edge of town and then head downtime to enjoy the soda fountain, but as of today, it seems our plans have changed, and frankly, it makes me sad.

Granted, part of the purpose for the trip was to expose the children to history, so they could see how it was, but I’m not going to lie. Part of the purpose for the trip was to relive history, parts of my childhood that make me smile and share them with my children and see them smile.

I’m not naïve. I realize Watts Bros. wasn’t what I recall, or maybe it was. I remember a place filled with people I knew that always greeted us with a smile. I remember a place where sodas were extra sweet and so was friendship. I remember no matter what the weather, it was the perfect place “to get in out of the” elements. I remember feeling welcome, even as a child who needed someone to help her sniff the pretty bottles of perfume (and the lady at the register always opened a few for me to sniff). I remember people who always asked how we were and really caring about the answer. Maybe Starrbooks wasn’t so different.

Still, I know time moves on. I know things change and what used to be isn’t what is necessary, so it goes to the way side. I also know people have gotten too busy to take time to value people. I know people have become so determined to be themselves that they make the mistake of leaving history unacknowledged and unexplored. They call this independence. Interesting how much it resembles ignorance. Also interesting how these independent, self-proclaimed trailblazers often become known for their foibles rather than their innovations. But this isn’t about them. I’m not sure it is even about the changing of time.

I think we would be delusional to think what gives us the sense of belonging and joy today will do so tomorrow. I’ve spent enough time on this earth to realize that what meets my needs today will not remain the same in the future. My interests change. My circumstances change. My needs change, and yet, they don’t.

No matter where I am, no matter how old I am, I still love knowing folks and being known. I love going to my favorite coffee shop and the manager calling my children and me by name and asking if we “want the usual” and his knowing what the usual is. I love walking into a favorite shopping spot and the clerk telling us he has our favorite kind of suckers, and he does, AND he doesn’t even have to ask what they are. He just reaches into his bag and picks out the ones we enjoy. I love that our dentist’s receptionist has my daughter call to tell her how the recital went, and I love that all those folks openly tell us about their lives and families in return. There is something priceless in knowing and in being known.

That is what was served up more than anything at the soda fountain in the Watts Bros. Pharmacy store and in Starrbooks. It wasn’t the pretty perfume bottles or the wonderful books. It was the connection to the people, knowing them and being known by them. It was good medicine then, and it is good medicine now, and when you find a place like that, it always makes you feel good.

The Only Way Through....

2007-01-11T19:59:00.000-06:00

...is through.

I am in the middle, literally, of a 21 day fast. This is day 10, and the first week was okay. Then this week the Lord put it on my heart to hunker down a bit more and do a cleansing fast. I'll be honest and tell you I fought this. This was not my idea of a good idea. It didn't even rank on my "Let's Consider" list. The idea of veggies and water and nothing else wasn't appealing, but God nagged, and in the end, I gave in. So here I am on day 4 of my cleansing fast, and I have a glimpse of why we are doing this.

First of all, I say "we" because I couldn't do this alone. Truly, my will is not this strong. I like sugar. Who am I kidding? I would like a piece of rolled up turkey right now, but it isn't about what I like. It's about what I need, and from all indications, I need to fast.

My need to fast for different reasons. Physically, I had no clue what I was in for. I once read an interview with Dolly Parton, and she talked about fasting and how it was miserable and she felt awful as the toxins were drained from her body. I didn't know what she meant. I've fasted all food with only water to drink for three days, and mentally it was a challenge, but I wasn't "miserable". I had a caffeine headache one time, but "miserable"? Nope. Can't say fasting has ever made me miserable. Okay, well, I can say it now.

Here's the truth, and it isn't meant to scare you so you don't fast. Fasting is a good thing. So good in fact that I have been utterly miserable for four days. I'm not kidding. I've had migraines that weren't as bad as the headache I had Monday, and I've only had back pain this bad when I had a 24-hour flu and when I was in labor. Right now, my lower back and legs spasm and hurt so much that I have a hard time just being still to write. Trust me. I have learned how miserable a cleansing fast can be.

Why is that good? Because it is cleaning how my body. It's getting rid of the toxins in my system. My body is getting healthier. Physically, the benefits are huge, and this time there is evidence that something is happening.

A healthier body is good, but it gets better. During this time of misery, I have looked at my options. This isn't like a caffeine head ache that a soda will fix. If I eat a bag of Oreos, it won't get better. Really, there is nothing that can help this process. I even considered getting muscle relaxants or stronger pain killers from my doctor. The thing is, though, the pain is necessary. The cleanse is necessary if I want to be healthy. This misery, as much as I would love to get out of it, is necessary, and the simple fact is the only way through this misery is go to actually go through it.

Now, that might sound like the most obvious statement in the world. If it is, then why are so many people trying apparent shortcuts out of their misery when the only way they will truly feel better is to face their misery head on and go through it?

I'm not just talking about the physical discomfort of a fast. Most people can handle physical discomfort. The thing that gets us is the emotional and spiritual, and sometimes it is hard to tell the two apart. All we can say with certainty is that we hurt, and the hurt seems to engulf us. There is no way to turn, no way to move, no way to simply even exist without being in pain. Our first reaction is to find a way out. Unfortunately, that doesn't really get us healthy. It just makes it possible to ignore what is making us sick, and it puts us back in a place of dealing with symptoms but never getting well. The only way through is to go through.

So what does that mean in real life? It means you have to find a safe place to be honest. Stock up on some kleenex. Be prepared to feel like the world is crashing because the world you know may very be. If you are going to go through, you have to pour yourself into your faith. As I have felt incapacitated for any purpose other than cleansing, I have tried to spend my time in prayer rather than focusing on the pain. I read my Bible. I put on my worship music. Like I said, not only would I not put myself through the whole veggie and water only gig. I wouldn't inflict pain like this on myself either. If I am going to do this, I have to believe God has something good waiting for me at the end of this. Any time we are faced with the pain of an unwanted journey, cleansing, or open wound, we have to trust that God has something good waiting for us or we are likely to turn tail and run.

The thing is when we run, we only run back to where we were. Our "solution" may look different, but the results are the same. The only way out of the pain is through it, and while it is a miserable road when you are in it, if you are faithful to stick to it, you will reach the other side, and the Lord will be holding out good things for you.

And I keep thinking how good it will feel when people ask me about this later and I can smile and say with great joy, "Oh, that miserable thing? I'm through."

Hoping you take the road that takes you through....

The Unusual Suspect by Stephen Baldwin-An Unusually Powerful book

2007-01-01T19:02:00.000-06:00

I just finished reading The Unusual Suspect by Stephen Baldwin (www.stephenbaldwin.com). I will be honest. I didn't know what exactly to expect from a Hollywood pretty boy, but I had read some things about Stephen in the media that made me think he wasn't the mamsy-pamsy sort and his book might be a good read.

In case you have not heard, Stephen made news this year when he went against a porn shop in his town. He sat outside on the sidewalk and took pictures of the patrons and put those pictures in a full-page ad in the newspaper's Sunday edition. It didn't go over well with some folk, but he didn't care. He has a wife and daughters, and he didn't need that garbage in his town.

I'll confess. I was a bit shocked. I have seen some Stephen Baldwin movies, and to hear that he would go up against porn shops was...a new view of him. I liked the view, and it left me interested in this new side of Stephen Baldwin.

I prayed for him, for his family, and for the word to get out about what he was doing.

I've seen updates periodically, but for the most part, the media seemed to let it drop when they realized they could not shame him or intimidate him into backing off. That is a shame because what he did should have stoked the fire of every God-fearing man in America, and we should have had churches sitting out on the sidewalks taking pictures and meeting in the city counsel chambers demanding a change in public zoning and political acceptance of such an industry. At the very least--and the most powerful--we should have had some get stoked enough to stand on the sidewalk and pray for the powers of hell that had taken up residence to be brought down and for the land to be redeemed.

Sadly, that didn't happen. If anything, a lot of those God-fearing men shook their heads and babbled some small-minded comment about Baldwin making Christians look like radical freaks. Well for those who did, Stephen Baldwin would say thanks for thinking he is radical, and I say get on your face and repent.

Anyway, because I was impressed by a man doing something instead of just whining about the condition of America's moral fabric today, I have wanted to read his book since I first saw it. I had waited for Christmas hoping to get it as a present, but when I didn't, I took matters into my own hands and spent my own money on it. It was well beyond being worth the investment.

If you want hardcore, Bible-as-it-is, uncompromised, sold-out, everything-I-am-and-have, all-for-you, holding-nothing-back-even-if-it-kills-me commitment that will stoke your fire, challenge your commitment, and stretch your comfort zone, this book is for you.

I think Christians who read this book will fall into three categories: 1) those shouting, "Hallelujah! Amen!" about every page or so, 2) those muttering, "I can't believe he said that, but I'm glad he did because now I don't feel like the only one who thinks that way," and 3) those who read it, shake their heads, and say, "Oh, God is going to get all over that boy." For those in the third group, I want to assure you that He already did. That is why Stephen wrote the book, and it is Holy Spirit drive from beginning to end. Therein lies the power. Therein also lies what will make Christians cringe and sinners see hope. The Holy Spirit is all over this book, and it'll convict, challenge, and encourage in ways that might shock you coming from a Hollywood pretty boy.

As for sinners who read it, I think they'll either write him off as nuts because they are so deceived or they'll run to find out more because this is spiritual filet mignon, baby.

The Unusual Suspect is as honest as it gets. If you need a fire lit under you, this is your match. If you want to know you are not the only one that looks at the Christian life from a more radical perspective than most, this is your buddy book. If you are happy reading your 15-minute devotions in the morning, sitting in the same pew every Sunday at church, and living the predictable happy-you-aren't-going-to-hell life, read it 'cause you need it the most.

Thinking Stephen Baldwin is too celebrity to come up with something that life-altering? He'll be the first to tell you he didn't come up with any of it, and I admit, a lot of it is really simple stuff. That is what makes it so unusually powerful, but God works that way, and as Stephen says, maybe that is what makes God the most unusual suspect.

Friendly Reminders

2006-12-27T20:25:00.000-06:00

Today I had a wonderful phone conversation with my friend Debra. She is in a rather intense battle right now, and she called to share what the Lord had spoken to her. Despite my congestion due to my cold, I loved listening to her talk about the promises the Lord is speaking, the confirmations He is giving, the word-for-word promises and phrases He has been giving her. It did my soul good to listen to her excitement as she shared the ways God is pouring Himself out to her and how thrilled she is and how much peace she has. And truly, she is walking in an incredible peace.

Yesterday I spent an incredible amount of time emailing my friend Mary B. I shared with her the stuff going on in my life and what the Lord has spoken to me, the promises He has given, the verses, the declarations, the words. It also did me good. It reminded me of some things I had forgotten. It stirred up my faith and my resolve. It helped me refocus and get my mind oriented once again to the clear business of Heaven.

Today Debra and I talked about that. Paul says to think of things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy. He also says to speak to each other with psalms and other heavenly talk. We are told in Deuteronomy to talk about the many ways God has and does deliver us. We are to talk about them when we get up, when we walk, when we sit, when we lie down at night.

I'll tell the truth. I thought those verses were a bit unrealistic, a little "goody goody". I mean, there is reality, you know. The thing is, the only reality is God-what He has done, what He is doing, and what He has promised to do. When we focus on those things and talk about those things, we are speaking in agreement with Him, and that releases power into our lives. We begin to act in accordance with reality-not human logic, and we begin to see big things happening because the reality is God is a big God.

May our thoughts, conversations, and actions always be grounded in Reality....

The Christmas Warm Fuzzies

2006-12-23T12:52:00.000-06:00

On my high school alumni board, my friend Jessica mentioned that she loves Christmas, and she mentioned the warm fuzzy feelings she gets about Christmas. It took some time, but I picked a few warm fuzzies I have as well, and I thought I would share them with you.

Since Anna was little, it has become tradition at this time of year for Rob and I to have a handful of $1 bills in our wallets. When Anna was little, she got hooked on putting money into "the buckets". Yeah, the Salvation Army kettles. The red kettle is cool, but that isn't what hooked her.

Anna's very first experience with a Salvation Army kettle is exactly what it should have been.We were bustling into a store because it was COLD!, and outside the store was a man wrapped up in old coat, hat, and gloves. He was as warm as possible when the temperature is hovering just above freezing and the wind is gusting. Over the blowing wind and ringing bell you could hear it--the man was singing. His voice wasn't great. It was as old and worn as he was, but the heart was there, and it was perfect.

Here I am with a three year-old and nine month-old in tow, and Anna stops solid. She was mesmorized. He smiled at her as he sang. I let her listen for a minute, maybe two, before I bustled them into the building where it was warm.

As we did our shopping Anna asked all about the man and the bucket and why he did that, and I explained it to her. She was so amazed that someone would stand in the freezing weather and sing so people would give money for others who needed it.

Would we give money, too?

Before we walked out of the store, I rummaged through my purse to find out what kind of cash I had since I rarely carry any. Divinely, there was a wadded up dollar bill in there, so I gave it to Anna.When we walked out of the store, Anna went to the bucket to slip the dollar in. That was when I found out they put lids on the kettles now. Anna couldn't get it in, and I had Robert who couldn't stand by himself, so the man with the "perfect voice" showed Anna how to fold the dollar and slide it in.

He wished her a Merry Christmas. She beamed. His eyes twinkled. Our world changed.

The next year Anna started asking about the "people with the buckets and bells" before Thanksgiving. I started keeping some ones in my wallet so she could drop them in.

The next year Robert was big enough to drop money in as well. It has now reached the point where the children ask to frequent stores where the "bells and kettles" are, and if the person is singing, we stop and listen.

One time this year, they had four people out there in Santa hats singing away while the bell ringer rang the bell, and at another store, they had a band with different horns. We listened a long time to that one.

Yep, I think my favorite warm fuzzy has to do with the sound of a bell and $1 bills. Funny to me how something priceless can be so cheap.

Another favorite Christmas was when Anna was about 18 months old. She unwrapped all of her presents, pushed them all aside except for her tooth brush and a shirt box lid. She put the toothbrush in the box lid and slid it around, sort of like an ocean drum, "for hours". When she got done, she sat it safely back under the tree, and then she would go back and get it later to play some more. She did that off and on all day. And I sat and watched her. Who knew a box lid and a tooth brush could be so fascinating for an adult as well as a child?

Another favorite Christmas was a few years ago when Robert was two, maybe three. We had put the Christmas tree up in the TV room away from the main transit of a toddler, and after all the gifts were placed under the tree Christmas Eve, we put a gate up so no small children could help themselves to a gift opening frenzy.

When I woke up, I walked down the hall and peered in Robert's room. He wasn't there. I looked in Anna's room. Anna was sound asleep, but Robert wasn't with her. I walked quietly through the living room and peaked around the corner to see the door to the TV room. There stood Robert with his thumb in his mouth, staring over the gate at the pile of wrapped treasure under the tree. As he stood there, he never touched the gate, only tipped his head from side to side as he sucked his thumb and looked at the loot to be had. I watched him for several minutes, and by God's grace was able to sneak a picture before he noticed me. It is by far on of my favorite pictures from Christmas time, and one of my favorite memories.

May your Christmas afford you great memories, people to love and to love you, and the wisdom to recognize them as the wonderful gifts they are....

2006-12-18T23:39:00.000-06:00

I believe it was Bach that said he sat down at the keyboard and waited to receive. This was his method for composing so many amazing musical pieces. Tonight, I am following Bach's example. I have sat down at my keyboard and am prepared to receive.

Christmas is a week away. How does it come so quickly? Two weeks ago I thought I was doing well and had the gift issue under control, and I was feeling pretty good about my efforts. Now we are a week away, and I feel it has snuck up on me and caught me unprepared. Gifts are mostly under control, but then I found out we are having Christmas dinner here, which I enjoy, but I am not prepared with food. Even with that, I thought it would be easy to take care of, but then, Rob and Anna started running fevers. We had extra ministry responsibilities. Robert had a doctor's appointment. A friend asked if we would watch her son for a few hours, and we are delighted to do so. Did I mention the women's party at church or the business meetings for Rob? It is amazing how quickly our calendar filled up. Three days ago we had one afternoon scheduled this week. As of this morning, we have one afternoon free. It is amazing to me how things can so quickly get out of control and how quickly things can get lost in the shuffle and busyness of life, and I don't just mean this time of year.

This time of year we hear how people are so busy working on celebrating Christmas that they forget to celebrate the Christ-mass. It's nothing new. 2000 years ago Jesus had the same conversation with the Pharisees and Sadducees. "You're so busy keeping the law and the rules that you've missed the One who gave them to you so you could have a relationship with Him." The rules precluded relationship, not enabled it. It could be argued that Christma has taken on the same character. We are so busy looking for the perfect gift that we end up not enjoying the one for whom we are buying it. Impression becomes more important than expression.

We want folks to be impressed that we knew just want to get them. Nothing wrong with giving the perfect gift as long as it isn't a token brought about by a Pharisee mindset. The Pharisees want to impress God by showing Him their righteousness done in His name on His behalf. What God wanted was an expression of love and gratitude in response to what He had done on their behalf.

Today we try to impress God by declaring that Christ is the reason for the season. From what I've read, Christ is the reason, period. We need to purge our thinking of ideas that we are impressive because we take a holiday and rally around it as a reason to do good things and to think beyond ourselves. If such giving is a seasonal thing, can it truly be that impressive? Doesn't God desire more out of us. Doesn't He desire for us to live a life that expresses love to those in need on any given Monday no matter what the date is?

Is it really so impressive to put a smile on and be nice to everyone in church on Sunday, or is it more expressive of our relationship with Christ to put a smile on and be nice to the rude driver that cut us off or the family member that once again left wet towels and dirty clothes on the floor in the bathroom?

I don't think there is anything wrong with being extra generous this time of year. I think we've failed to miss the point if it is ONLY this time of year. More than that, though, whenever we choose to be generous with our money, patience, or helping hands, we shouldn't do it out of compulsion with the idea that we are impressing God. Instead, our heart should be that of Christ who came for the purpose of EXPRESSING God.

On Christmas and every day, may we all have the heart to express rather than impress....

I do read better than that. Honest.

2006-12-11T00:20:00.000-06:00

I have confused some people with my wording on the entry about feeling welcome. The way I worded some things makes it sound like I read at a 5th or 6th grade level. No. I read on very high levels actually. However, as can be seen in this instance, when I check the spelling/grammar of a piece I am writing or have finished,and my program gives me the word count, it also gives me the "readability level" status. That means that a 5th/6th grader could understand what I wrote. I simply do not use sentences that are complex enough or vocabulary that is "big" enough to get above that "readability level".

So, yes, I read fine, well enough to get my bachelor's degree anyway. Sorry about the confusion, but thank you to all you wonderful folk who had great ideas to improve my reading abilities. I'll keep those in my homeschool information because you never know when it will come in handy.

Wishing you the right words for you to enjoy the ability to be understood and to understand.....

Leah's Sisters

2006-12-08T22:34:00.000-06:00

My precious and beloved friend Mary Dunham-Faulkner is an amazing lady. I can't even begin to tell you everything, but I will tell you how to find out about her and the incredible ministry the Lord has given her. Check out www.leahssisters.org Her latest One Minute with Mary is so deep in truth it takes sitting and soaking to get the power of it...or the freedom in it. So drop by to check it out.

While you are there, read about the Jireh Center--a miracle of God, and the lives that are being healed through the ministry there. Find about the lives of women in Thailand that are being restored through God's work in that country. And there's more! Really, take time to read about it and let the power of what God is doing in the lives of these women amaze you. Truly, it is amazing. Take time to let it amaze you.

And while you are at it, venture onto this page. I won't tell you anything more than that. http://www.leahssisters.org/index.cfm/pageid/611/index.html

Simply Feeling Welcome

2006-12-06T17:44:00.000-06:00

I'm stuck.

Well, that sounds a bit dramatic, but I don't like the term "writer's block". It isn't so much a block. It's more like a bump. You know, like when you are driving with an open cup of something and you hit a bump and it spills. Well, I hit a bump, and the stuff I was going to write about spilled.

So I thought I would drop in and write about my "writer's bump", tell you what I remember, and maybe let things come to mind. In truth, I write better this way anyway. When I try to write "formal" stuff, it is hard. I don't think I am formal. If my friends are reading this, they are laughing as they mutter, "When did you ever think you are formal?"

Formal is something I look at and admire, but it isn't me. I have a lovely friend who does her whole house up every year at Christmas so Southern Living might show up and take pictures at any time. Truly, it is stunning, and I go, sip coffee, chat, and admire. Then I come home, move a magazine or book I've been reading with the children, pick my laptop up off the floor by the couch where I worked on it that morning or last night, pull the wadded throw over me, and snuggle down. My coffee cup sits on a coaster on the carpet so I can reach it easily, and when Rob comes in to watch TV, I move my legs and let him have part of the couch.

Formal is not something we can be accused of. In fact, one time we had a friend come over for a game night, and he rotated out of a game, so he sat down on our couch to watch TV until his turn. He fell asleep and stayed there until the next morning. We thought that was the best compliment we could get.

I've never wanted a home where people were afraid to come in and relax. I've never wanted people to feel they had to be a certain level to be loved on or find refuge with us. Really, I guess that has always been our goal. We have always wanted our house to be a refuge for anyone in need of a place to hide and hang out. Granted, we have our rules. Colored drinks stay in the kitchen or dining areas. Shoes don't go on the furniture. There are certain behaviors that are not acceptable, and guests have to treat each of our family memebers with respect. Yes, we have rules, but they are reasonable, and if folks follow them, they are welcome in our home.

I think God is like that. I think God wants to open His home to anyone who wants in as well. I believe He wants us to know Him as a place of refuge. I think He wants us to know He is a place of rest. Granted, He has rules too, but they are reasonable, and anyone willing to live by His rules is welcome with Him anytime.

Maybe the desire for everyone to feel comfortable spills over into my writing. If I am honest, and I do try to be, the reality is I've never been good at vocabulary. As much as I admire users of big words, I am not one of them. The "reading level" program on my computer usually ranks my writing somewhere on a 5th or 6th grade level. That doesn't sound too impressive for someone who was halfway finished with her classwork toward a master's in math. Yep, that's me. My brain can work at a high enough level to do Master's level math, but my writing level sits right around a 5th or 6th grade level.

And, I confess my writing ability bugged me for a long time.

I tried to console myself by saying I don't want anyone to feel lost when they read something I write because sometimes God uses my "bumps" to provide something profound, and when that happens, I want it as easy to understand as possible. And really, that is true, but it never struck me that my writing level was a gift until last week.

I have been in contact with a dear pastor in Valsad, India, and he invited me to lead a women's conference. The Lord has not opened the door for that yet, but He did use the situation to teach me that speaking in words that "anyone" can understand is a gift. I like to think anyone in America who reads my blog or website can read over a sixth grade level, but one of the wonderful things about the internet is the global connection. There are those who know English for communication purposes but could not understand it at "higher reading levels". Thankfully, the Lord is more concerned about communication than impressive vocabulary. He doesn't need big words to get His message across, which means everyone can feel comfortable listening, even those with the smallest of vocabularies.

Have you ever considered the first sentence God spoke concerning salvation in Christ? The first sentence was simple, "I love you." For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son.... It doesn't get any easier than that, and it didn't even come in a formal note. Instead, He sent this simple message via a stable. A place anyone could go if they were humble enough offering a message anyone could understand if they listened.

Now, I am not trying to reduce God in any way. In truth, I don't know that any of us can comprehend the true glory of God. That is the very thing that amazes me even more. Such a glorious God communicating in such a simple way for anyone to understand. Strangely, it can be so hard to understand something so simple.

Wishing you the simple life and the ability to understand the depth of it......

What do you expect when you worship?

2006-12-03T14:46:00.000-06:00

Our pastor is doing a wonderful series on worship. I strongly suggest you drop by our church website and listen. The sermon for this weekend is excellent and can really alter your focus and expectations of worship. I also strongly suggest the other sermons as well. Check it out at www.gatewaypeople.com

Why so Hard?

2006-12-01T15:38:00.000-06:00

I cannot count the number of times I've heard myself ask the question, "Why do things have to be so hard?" I've heard it from my daughter's mouth when she was trying to master multiplication and division. I've heard it from my husband's mouth during home renovation projects. I've heard it from my son when he was working on getting his ankles together for diving. AND, I've heard it from numerous peopel outside my family, too. I've always sort of shrugged and said, "That's the way life works." However, today, I got the revelation of why things are really so hard.

On Monday I was going to do art with the children, and I was looking for my favorite art book. I couldn't find it. Tuesday found me pulling all the books off the shelves in the sunroom where we do school when weather permits. Wednesday I searched through my stash of books in the garage along with a pile of educaitonal posters I had dumped out there. Yesterday I cleaned the study, checked both children's rooms, and went through the book case in the living room book by book. I couldn't find it. In the meantime, I started looking for another book, and it, too, seems to have vanished into air.

Finally, today, I decided I would just buy another art book. It wasn't hugely expensive, and it was my favorite art book. A bookstore near me is having a sale tomorrow, and I would be there anyway. I'd just pick up another copy then. As for the other book, it wasn't a big deal, and I could probably find the information I needed elsewhere. It would have just been convenient.

As I took one last look around the sunroom and tried to remember the last place I saw the book, I remembered seeing the book was when we had painted as a family. We had used new paint techniques to make some very neat paintings of the ocean. Suddenly, I began to feel that small sense of "Oh no!". It occurred to me that in all my looking, I had not found those pictures either. These were not ordinary pictures. The children had done fantastic work, and I loved those pictures. They were irreplaceable.

At that moment, my motivation shifted from being a bit inconvenienced to an urgency of purpose. I had to find the pictures. Quickly, I reviewed all the places where I had already made a meticulous search. Then I shifted focus to the places where I had "looked" but not searched. We had recycled so much and given away so much in the last few weeks...."Dear God, please let me find those pictures," I said as I walked into the garage and flipped on the light. As I looked around, I saw the only place that had gotten merely a "once over"--the pile of posters. Immediately, I got on my knees and started to carefully pull posters off the top of the pile.

About halfway through, I found a bunch of smaller papers, and as I pulled out the small pile, the missing art book slid out and tumbled to the floor. "Thank you for the book. Please let me find those pictures." The book that had been the source of such frustration all week meant nothing now. My heart was on the pictures. As I moved a pile of sorted papers that had been turned sideways, I caught a glimpse of the ocean blue for which I was looking. After moving two more sorted piles, there were the irreplaceable pictures. A wave of relief and gratitude swept over me. "Oh, God," I said as I sat back on my legs, "Thank you."

As I walked into the kitchen, the children saw the book in my hand and were excited that we would be able to do some more art projects. "Mom, where did you find it?" my daughter asked.

I smiled, "With something I couldn't replace."

It was then that the Lord spoke to my heart and said, "Jerri, sometimes I have to push you to the point where you cannot afford to lose because finding me isn't convenient. I have to push you to the point where you are desparate for you to find what you really need or even what you are looking for. I have to push you beyond you for you to search hard enough to find me."

May things be hard enough to push us beyond convenience to desperately searching for Him....

Thanks Giving

2006-11-25T21:43:00.000-06:00

How do two weeks go by without my writing?!

This week was Thanksgiving in America. We had a lovely day with my mom, stepdad, and brother. We ate, played games, talked, and laughed. Truly, it was something for which to be thankful.

The Bible gives a simple directive: give thanks in all things. Now, I believe if God says we should do that, then it is truly possible to do that, and indeed, we should do that. However, I think we have a hard time with that directive because of a warped idea of God's character. Often I have heard people give indication that they believe the sentence says, "Give thanks FOR all things," and that is not what we are being asked to do. Why the extreme difference in meaning? As I said, I believe it has to do with God's character and the misinformation we believe because we simply do not know Him as we should.

For instance, Jesus was known for giving thanks. He thanked the Father for bread, for the believers, for the believers to come, for the Father's protection over them, for the Father's gifts of good things to Him and others. He thanked the Father for His goodness and provision. He recognized the Father's character as being that of a loving, kind, and generous Father. When the disciples asked Jesus to teach them to pray, Jesus said:

Our Father who art in Heaven, holy be your name.
Your kingdom come; your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil,
For yours is the power and the glory and the honor forever. Amen.

Look at what Jesus tells us about the Father's character.
1. The Father is holy.
2. The kingdom of God is accessible, and the Father wants us to access Him. He wants to be active on earth just as He is in Heaven.
3. He provides our daily bread.
4. He forgives us and expects us to share the bounty.
5. He delivers us from evil rather than making it so we sin and fall.
6. He is powerful, and His power makes all of the good things in our lives possible.
7. All glory belongs to the Father.
8. He is to be honored.

This is what Jesus says about the Father. Jesus says something two other things about the Father at different places. Jesus says He can only do what He sees the Father do, and He can only say what He hears the Father say. Do you get that? Jesus' purpose on this earth is to emulate the Father, to represent Him perfectly, so we can assume that Jesus' character will be an exact replica of the Father's character. And everyone I know will profess that Jesus is good. He did good things. He helped people. He fed people. He loved people. He was kind. He was generous. He made time for people. He had close friends that He took into His confidence. He treated women with kindness, respect, and value. He met people's needs. Yes, I am aware that I am stating what appears to be the obvious, but if it is so obvious then why do we miss it when it comes to the Father? How, if Jesus is the replica of the Father on earth, can we call Jesus good and yet accuse the Father of questionable character, which leads us to believe we should be thankful for all things?

A concrete example: I knew a lady who loved God deeply. Truly, her heart was devoted to Him. One night a horrible thing happened, and she was raped. As we talked, she told me that she did not feel it appropriate to file charges against the man who raped her, although she knew him. She felt it was wrong to put someone in prison for doing God's will. Obviously God had determined that she needed to be raped in order to humble her for her pride in the fact that she had been a virgin when she was married and her husband was the only man she had known sexually.

I did not know whether to cry, faint, or vomit. My heart was crushed for this poor woman who believed that her Father, a Father who gave His Son for her, would decide she needed to be the victim of a violent crime for any reason. I can only imagine how much it hurt the Father to know that any of His children remotely imagined He could do anything so vindictive and cruel to them.

Yes, Jesus corrected people. Yes, He drove peopel from the Temple because they were making a farce of the Father's holy place. But when was Jesus cruel? When did Jesus torment people in order to reach their hearts? When did Jesus do harm as an act of love? If Jesus is the perfect example of the Father, why would we believe the Father was capable of such acts when we would never expect such thoughts to even enter Jesus' mind? How can someone suggest that the Father is pro-rape when Jesus honored the prostitute who washed His feet with her tears?

The Bible tells us the enemy goes around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. He seeks to steal, kill, and destroy. He is the father of lies. In contrast, we are told the Father so loved the world that He gave His only Son so whoever believes in Him would not die but have everlasting life. The enemy takes, destroys, and rejects. The Father loves, gives, and accepts. The distinction is clear, and yet, we get them confused. How can such obvious opposites be confusing?

I think it is so unfathomable that the Father could love us to greatly when we are so undeserving that it is easier for our minds to believe the enemy's lies about our being unforgivable and God being unforgiving. You know that is what defines unforgivable, right? A person is only unforgivable when someone else determines to be unforgiving. The Father's love and forgiveness defies our logic. It is unbelievable. In fact, for God to determine to love and forgive us no matter what might be the most miraculous act He has ever performed, and sometimes, it is hard to believe in miracles, especially when you know you don't deserve them.

I have good news, though. Jesus never asked anyone to give Him their credentials to prove they deserved anything. He simply said, "Come unto me all you weak and heavy laiden, and I will give." The requirements to receive are so simple:
1. Come
2. Be in need
3. Receive

If those are all the requirements Jesus set forth, those are all the Father sets forth as well. If you are in need, come, and the Father will love, give, and accept. And when you feel like you don't deserve it, you're right, but this isn't about what you deserve. It's about God's character, and despite what your humanity or the enemy tells you, God's heart is to give love and forgiveness always. It's just the kind of character He is.

When we accept that and embrace it as truth regardless of circumstance, we can give thanks in all things, and we also realize we don't have to give thanks FOR all things. When Jesus in the garden, we do not find Him praying, "Father, thank you for using me to save this world. Thank you for the suffering I am about to endure. Thank you for finding me mature enough to handle it. Thank you for entrusting such a burden to me because it is an honor, and I know it." Jesus never said any such thing. Jesus said, "If it is possible, let this cup pass from me, but if it isn't possible, I will still fulfill my purpose." Jesus wasn't thanking the Father for the rough stuff. The Father didn't put Jesus on the cross to build character or because Jesus had thought too highly of Himself. The Father put Jesus on the cross because sin was in the world and it had to be defeated. The Father used the nature of the enemy, which is to kill, to defeat the enemy through the death of Jesus. The Father used the enemy's nature to kill in order to bring life to mankind. The nature of the Father is to redeem, to use a situation for the purpose of giving life instead of death. The Father never purposed for my friend to be raped, but He can use the enemy's purpose to destroy to heal others who need hope that they can be restored.

We have friends who lost a baby only a few days after he was born. The enemy killed that baby, not the Father. However, the Father has used the murderous nature of the enemy to offer hope to other grieving parents when our friends tell them how the Lord has brought life back after such a tragic loss.

The reality is sin is in the world. The enemy's nature can be seen all around us. Unfortunately, it can be seen in us. That is not the will of the Father, and we are never told to thank the Father FOR the actions of the enemy. We are told to thank the Father even when the nature of the enemy is revealed and manifested. We thank the Father for HIS character. We thank Him for ways HIS character is manifested.

And when is that? When He prompts someone to send us a note telling us they are thinking about us. When He moves us to go to the store that has groceries on sale when money is short. When life hurts but we are able to find hope in the truth that He heals. When we are in need-emotional, spiritual, physical, or financial-and He provides the answer or even a reprieve.

The Bible tells us that all good things come from the Father. Sometimes He sends them through others. Sometimes He just drops them on us Himself. For all those things, we should be thankful.

We live in a world where the enemy of our soul wants to destroy us, and we can see the manifestation of his character all around. We are not to embrace it or be grateful for the actions it causes, but rather, we are called to wage war against it according to Ephesians 5. As we watch the war rage around us, it is imperative to thanks for the character of a King who empowers us with hope so that we can withstand all things as they may be.

May we always refuse the lies of the enemy by remembering the undeniable character of the Father, and in so doing, may we boldly give thanks in all things.

Copyright Jerri Phillips @ 2006

Nuggets Along the Path

2006-11-12T18:33:00.000-06:00

Periodically, I wander back through previous posts to see what was on my mind on a given day. Okay, that is only a partial truth. I do read through previous posts, but usually it is because I recall the Holy Spirit dispensing a nugget-or boulder-of wisdom, and I want to go back and check it. Sometimes I read my blog entries again to see what nuggets of wisdom I have forgotten and need to receive again. I do the same thing with my journal.

While I am rather hit-and-miss with my blog, although I desire to be consistent, my journal covers almost everything important in my life, even some things that seem rather frivolous, but one never knows where the nuggets lie. The Bible says that the Lord works ALL things for the good of those who love Him and are called for His purpose. ALL includes the "frivolous" parts of life, too, so we can assume there are nuggets to be found in those weird and unusual events and circumstances. Since I am not one who can afford to miss nuggets in any form, I write down even the weird and unusual, and you might be amazed what I find there. (You can find some of it at www.jerrismunchies.com)

You might be wondering how much I actually write down. Well, I don't waste time buying small journals because during "intense" times, I can honestly fill them up in a week. I bought one 100-page journal that only made it through 10 days, and the 10th day was continued to another journal. I can write. Ask people who get "real" emails from me.

Your next question might be why I spend the time and energy to keep a journal. This question came up when a friend of mine was in the midst of a very painful divorce. She was seeing a counselor, which I think can be very helpful, and I told her to journal. She asked why since she was seeing a counselor. I said, "Because it keeps things clear. It is a written history, and you need to write down the wisdom and insights you learn BECAUSE time makes our brains fuzzy, and emotions twist the facts. It shows you where you've come from, and sometimes that is what keeps you going. And, it records the steps you made in dealing with the mountain before you, and don't kid yourself. You'll see this mountain again. Next time around the healing will be deeper, the emotions will be just as raw, and the timing will catch you off guard. You may feel as overwhelmed then as you do now. Your journal will help you keep your bearings and your senses. Your journal is your map of what worked and what didn't. The Lord will further purify you of what didn't work, and He'll perfect what did, so the next time you see this mountain, and you will see it again and again, you will not waste your time figuring out how to get out of the valley. You'll immediately start thinking at higher levels, and your map will be there to move you faster and more smoothly. Your journal is a pioneers' map that reminds you of territorial hazards, means of sustenance, and places of rest. Trust me. Write a journal."

I know we all want to believe once we've climbed a mountain we are done, but the truth is, we are not dealing with a mountain standing in the midst of life all by itself. On the contrary, life is nothing less than a vast mountain range requiring skill and wisdom if we ever want to get out of the valley. Journals are the maps of where we've been that help us more easily get to where we are going. Sometimes they offer wisdom. Sometimes they offer warning. Sometimes they offer a good laugh when we desperately need one. They are the records of mountains climbed and mole hills tripped over. They are the directions for how to navigate what lies ahead by learning how we succeeded and floundered in the past.

Want to learn how to climb the next mountain easier and more gracefully? Journal about the one you are on right now. Write about the huge avalanches, the large boulders that offered a safe place to sit and rest, and the stones you stubbed your toe on. You never know where a good nugget of wisdom will show up, and a journal is a good place to keep them so you can find them again when you need them.

The PerLfect Day

2006-11-03T20:13:00.000-06:00

Today was, in my opinion, a perfect day. Let me tell you about my day.

I woke up with my little boy snuggled up on his daddy's side of the bed because his daddy and sister had left at 3:30 (yes, 3:30) this morning to do a daddy/daughter thing. I lay there and watched him sleep a little while. Then I closed my eyes and slipped back to sleep for a bit myself.

When I woke up, I found an exciting email from a friend of mine telling me that she is one step further on the journey called "publishing a book". You will hear more about this later because you'll want a copy of her book when it is ready to for public consumption.

Not long after that, my cutey boy wandered into the study where I was and chatted with me some. I love those morning chats. They are precious time with both my children. This morning our chat centered around the plans for the day. Because of Rob taking Anna on their special event, I decided today would be Robert's special day to do as he wanted, and he wanted to do some fun things, starting with a trip to Starbuck's.

Starbuck's happens to be our favorite date. Rob and Anna don't care for coffee, but Robert and I are coffee fans, so every other weekend we head to Starbuck's on a mommy/son date while Rob and Anna do a daddy/daughter date at McDonald's. Again, precious time. It is one of my very favorite things in the world, and Robert's too, so today, that is where we went.

We each got our faovorite drinks and decided to try experiment with new patries for breakfast. As we chatted, we swapped pastry samples and agreed we had done well with our choices. So we talked and enjoyed each other, AND we even had the cushy chairs. I'm telling you. Dates don't get much better than that.

Once we were done with our food and all the whipped creme was gone from Robert's drink, we headed to the early voting place. I figured it would be a five minute jaunt since it was last time, but evidently several people thought it would be a five minute jaunt, which meant--it wasn't. We were there for over thirty minutes, and I chatted while Robert spun in circles, investigated palm trees, and just relaxed.

By the time we got home, Rob and Anna were there, too, and Rob was getting ready to head off to work. I honestly figured Anna would just go to sleep after being up so early, but no. Instead, she played with clay with us for over an hour, and when we were done with that, we painted. By the time craft time was done, it was well past 1:00, so I deemed it lunch time.

While I worked on lunch, my dear friend Iona called. We discussed paths the Lord has us on right now, what to do about Jerri's Munchies, and whether my "Munchies" would work as a book. It was a good chat. Talks with Iona always are. She is by far one of the most upbeat people I know, and she can take any conversation and make it about God and His goodness. She is absolutely in love with the Lord, and it shows, and listening to her talk about her Beloved always blesses my day.

After lunch, we curled up in The Big Bed to read, and in the middle of the chapter, Rob came home due to being too sleep to work. While he and Anna napped, Robert and I curled up in front of the TV and watched some of Robert's favorite shows.

For supper, we had gumbo, and since it is a bit chilly here now, I thought it would be nice to enjoy the fire pit outside, so while the gumbo heated up, I made a fire, and we all enjoyed dinner hanging out by the fire. Then we made s'mores and munched them while the fire started to die down.

While I did some pick up, Rob and the kids played soccer in the dark. There is no way to describe the chaos of soccer in the dark, but let me suggest if you try it, have the players wear white shirts so you can at least see each other before the thudding body contact occurs.

After that, we all found our way in. I took a shower to get rid of the smokey smell. Anna curled up to watch a cooking show. Robert played Legos, and Rob rinsed dishes.

When I am done with this, we'll play a card game and then get the kids ready for bed, which means camping out in the living room floor tonight--them, not us.

As the day slows down and I look back, I see a whole pile of good stuff. I had great time with people I love. I could rejoice with dear friends over good things going on in their lives. I took responsibility for what influences my family and our lives (such as electing civic leaders). We had food we enjoy. We got to be silly with some games. We got to exercise our freedom to vote and be creative. We could enjoy the cool weather by the fire and then come in to a warm house. We got to cuddle in a snuggly, soft bed, and we could all read. I enjoyed my husband and children, and they enjoyed me. Oh, and the hot shower that got rid of the smokey smell was a delight.

Yep, when I can look back over a day and come up with an inventory like that, there is only one way to summarize it. It is a perfect day. Thankfully, God has given me the wisdom to realize it.

Hoping you are blessed with perfect days and the wisdom to know them when they come......

Ironing Out the Wrinkles Without Getting Steamed

2006-11-02T10:34:00.000-06:00

I thought I would take a few minutes to post before I get to my ironing. I set the ironing board up in front of the television, and I get a big glass of ice tea to keep me cool while the steam pours from my iron. Then, I got to town, as we say in the South.

Personally, I like ironing. It has a spiritual aspect to it that makes me feel good about myself, or at least about the process of being myself.

The process of being myself has its wrinkles. Ask these wonderful folks who live in my house. They can confirm I have wrinkles, but they have wrinkles, too, and if you've ever had a wrinkle in your sock under your foot while you are wearing tennis shoes and having to walk a lot, you know how annoying wrinkles can be. You also know that while trying to get wrinkles out can be aggravating and hard, it is necessary for peace and comfort. You know what I mean? You try to just do a little adjustment, but if that doesn't work, you try something a bit more involved. Only in a final state of resolution do you actually take your shoe off and fix your sock. I guess some do that first thing, but most folks I know get by doing as little as they can to get enough comfort to keep going, and in truth, we ignore it as long as we can keep moving. If it doesn't impair us, we try to ignore it. It is only when we see taking the time to fix it as a greater good than ignoring it that we actually stop and address the problem.

What does a sock have to do with ironing? Well, wrinkles are wrinkles, and they have to be removed. With socks, there is the gratification of not walking on the uncomfortable wrinkle. With shirts or pants, the wrinkles are usually not uncomfortable, so sometimes the motivation to remove the wrinkles can be lacking. I motivate myself in other ways.

Ironing is my quiet time to catch a television show while the rest of the folks in our family do other chores. Typically, if I have a high laundry day, I finish watching a one-hour show just about the time I finish the ironing. The ironing doesn't seem so long or so boring that way.

How is that spiritual? We all have wrinkles whether they be within our character or our lives, and they must be worked through. Most of us would avoid working out the wrinkles if we could because it is hard work and sometimes flat out painful, and unfortunately, when they happen, they tend to become our focus. In fact, we become so absorbed by them that they can cause us to see nothing else, and when that happens, we start to lose hope and feel that that life has become nothing more than what we are working through. That is a dangerous place to be. Things and people we enjoy keep our minds from becoming overly engrossed by the problems or tasks of whatever size that beset us. Sometimes they can help us keep pace for when we will be past a circumstance such as an illness, a life change, or the final stretch to reach a goal.

The Bible says where there is no vision, the people perish. If I don't see an end to the pile of wrinkles, I can easily become so overwhelmed by them that I don't bother to address them at all. Television gives me a vision for being done with a necessary task that I really don't care to do. The wrinkles get addressed, and I don't get buried in them.

May you find a vision in the midst of ironing out your wrinkles......

Is it funny that having fun is considered unusual?

2006-10-22T09:38:00.000-05:00

Last night we received a wonderful compliment. As our family arrived for church, we split into our normal two-by-two mentality so we could safely lead the children through the busy parking lot. At some point, Robert decided it needed to be a game and yelled, "The team that reaches the church door first wins, or if a teammate from any team reaches the door first, then that whole team is the winner." Robert took off like a rocket. Rob feigned shock. Anna squealed. I watched for cars.

The race was on.

Robert, who had started from several feet behind, shot in front of Rob and Anna, who are much taller and made up ground quickly. I yelled, "Go, Robert! Go!" Rob was yelling, "Hey, not fair!" Anna was yelling, "I'm going to catch you!" And Robert was squealing with glee. I was laughing as I watched the mayhem safely arrive on the sidewalk. The greeter wisely stepped aside as Robert barely touched the door first.

The huffing and puffing and laughing continued as the three racers walked in the door in front of me. It was then that the greeter looked at me and said, "Wow. It looks like y'all are really having fun."

I smiled broadly, "Oh, yeah. This is great stuff."

Rob took the kids to their classes, and I headed across the foyer toward the sanctuary. The greeter's words stuck with me. "Wow. It looks like y'all are really having fun."

He seemed pleasantly surprised. He had said it in a way that made it clear that such fun was not the norm. As I pondered this, I had to confess, such joy is not our usual way of entering church. Typically, we have had the "are you ready yet?" exasperation at home. Then there is the ride to church, which is always "iffy". By the time we get to church, we are usually just glad to have gotten there on time and with everyone wearing matching shoes.

Then I thought of others that I see enter the church. They usually look like we usually look. We walk in looking a bit tired, a bit haggard, a bit weary. They aren't grumpy, but they aren't joyful. They are just where they are "supposed to be".

Isn't that sad? Isn't fun what comes out of a heart filled with joy? Isn't laughter the overflow of a heart filled with wonder? And should anything leave us more at wonder than the ones we love? Is there anything that should fill our heart with glee more than love poured out on us or that we enthusiastically pour out on others?

And should that be less so at the house of God, the One the Bible defines as love?

Now, I'm not saying we should fake laughter and fun so we can put on a good show. However, when Christians who laugh with and enjoy those they love are the anomally, it should make us take inventory of our hearts and attitudes. It should also make us realize how much we can influence those around us simply by having fun. People are used to the haggard, tired, and weary, but wholeness, good-hearted laughing and fun make them turn their heads...even at church.

Sometimes being an anomally has its perks.

Hoping you have fun loving God and those He puts in your life.....

Getting to Know You

2006-10-10T13:40:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine sent me a fun questionairre. If only I knew how to spell "questionairre" or how to run the spell check on this page...... Anyway, my friend sent me this list of questions and info on himself with the idea that I fill it out and forward it to friends of mine. I had fun with it and decided to post it. One friend said it made her cry. Another said he laughed out loud. Hope it does the same for you.

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Good question. My name and my dad’s are the same, but the Lord told me about 12 years ago that I wasn’t named after my dad in HIS eyes. He had given the name to my great aunt as a prophetic word-a calling-over my life, so while my family might have thought I was being named after Dad in the natural, that wasn’t God’s intent.

WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? Last week or two weeks ago. I’m not sure. I watch Extreme Makeover Edition, and that always makes me cry.

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? If I can use a Bic fine point pen, yes. If I have to use a fatter point, no.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Mesquite turkey

KIDS? The two coolest ones in the world.

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Most days. Some days I would just stay away from me, but for the most part, yes, I think I am pretty cool. I think the strange way I look at life and my rather bizarre sense of humor are endearing qualities that add a fun twist to life. And if all else failed, I would have a pumpkin spice latte and pumpkin cream muffin with myself and discuss what I’ve read lately. Besides, could you imagine the fun two of me could have together?!

DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? LOL I only have two I write in regularly. Okay, 3 if you count my prayer journal. As for journals that are full…..I have shelves……

DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes, but at various times of the year, I would gladly give them to anyone who needed a pair or anyone who doesn’t.

WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? As I heard someone say, “There is just something inside me that makes me think jumping from a very tall structure with nothing to keep me from splattering on the surface below me except for a rubberband tied around my ankles isn’t wise.”

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Well, as with all things, it depends. Most of the time, I will go Frosted Flakes. Not much beats Frosted Flakes. However, peanut butter Captain Crunch has its appeal, too, and if you add three or four spoonfuls of sugar to Cheerios, life can be happy there, too.

DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? And disrupt those hugging bunny ears? You have to be kidding.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Uh….no. Physically-I have given up the idea that I need to lift weights to be buff and impressive. I may not be buff, but I like to think I am impressive. Mentally, spiritually, and emotionally-I’m in training, and I’m getting stronger.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Like there is only one? I like chocolate ice cream with milk poured over it. I think the crunchy part is funny. I like mint chocolate chip and chocolate almond in a waffle cone. If I am feeling really decadent, Tin Roof.

RED OR PINK? Well that isn’t fair. Red for most “dressier” events, but a strong pink for everyday sass.

WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? Insecurity.

WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Pop Kohler. He was a prince among men, and he saw me as I wanted to be seen, and Robert would have adored him. He had a wonderful way of accepting and seeing good in people.

LAST THING YOU ATE? A dark chocolate bar. I drank a root beer from Taco Bell, too. It was a moment of tasteful delights!

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The A/C and hum of the computers

IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? I would be the ENTIRE BIG BOX!!!! I LOVE those things!

FAVORITE SMELL? Rob. The kids after their baths. Rain. Plum blossoms. Freshly cut hay.

THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Their smile or laugh, I think. I try not to analyze that. Some folks just draw me in and some really don’t. I haven’t found a definite reason.

DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I adore him. He is kind and wonderful and strong and gentle and a safe place and….my very dear friend.

FAVORITE DRINK? Tea. Very sweet southern tea.

FAVORITE SPORT? You mean there is a sport besides basketball?! Seriously?!

HAT SIZE? LOL You mean hair size? I have so much hair that hats just pop off like an air rocket. Only air rockets are far more glorious to watch, and they go up much higher. My inglorious hat sort of slides up and then falls to the side in a rather sad and disappointing sort of way.

FAVORITE FOOD? Whatever I am craving at the moment. What kind of question is that to ask a woman?! Although, I was asked what my idea of ambrosia is once. The Grand Marnier truffles at the Marine Room are right up there. I also like my mom’s salmon patties. That is good eating.

LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED AT THE MOVIE THEATER? Uh….Cars?

SUMMER OR WINTER? Decisions. Decisions. Summer, I guess.. I like the beach. I like the pool. Winter is sort of like summer on qualudes when you live in Texas, so it’s like asking “hot” weather or “not quite as hot” weather.

HUGS OR KISSES? Well, I prefer the all chocolate kisses myself. I think when you start mixing in the different flavors, it gets weird. However, person to person, you can’t beat a good hug.

FAVORITE DESSERT? You truly expect me to pick one? I can’t pick one ice cream!!! I think Tiramisu, but simple chocolate cake with chocolate icing is divine, too. Oh, and there is Oreo Delight. Did I mention the Grand Marnier Truffles?

WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? The Forbidden Emotion (about anger), The Confidant Woman, My Utmost for His Highest, my Bible, Raising Responsible Kids, Is There Life after Housework…..I think that is it. OH!!! The Secret Garden-gotta love Big Bed Time with two delightfully warm and snuggly kids.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don’t even know the last time I had a mouse pad….

WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Rob had football on while I talked to Lisa. I did some of the Food Network Challenge where they were making structures from sugar confections. I decided to wait and watch it on the DVR with Anna. It is a bonding thing.

FAVORITE SOUNDS? Robert’s laugh. He has the most whole-hearted laugh. Anna’s singing. Rob. Rain. The ocean. Laughter, the good, belly laughs that don’t hurt anyone but make those around smile and want to be part of it. I also love to hear folks sing in off-the wall places. One time, I was standing in front of a book rack and started singing “Lolly Lolly Lolly get your adverbs here…” and beside me this man sang, “Father, Son, and Lolly get your adverbs here.” Stuff like that can stoke my happy pipe for days.

ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Well, rolling stones are usually indicative of some earth moving phenomenon, which can be a bit disconcerting. On the other hand, June Bugs, which are bealtes, are wonderful little critters that exist-in my opinion-for the sole purpose of flying into a woman’s hair (the bigger hair the better, which is why we see so many of them in Texas) and bouncing off the door closest to the night light thus causing a little thumping sound, when done with lots of June Bugs, can sound a bit like rain, which can be very relaxing. However, if they have just enjoyed a good intake of Mountain Dew, they sound more like small bits of hail, which is a bit creepy, but strangely entertaining in its own bizarre way. In any case, they are harmless and a delightfully fun way to introduce a young boy to the awe-filled reality of bugs. Therefore, I would go with the beetles.

THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? Genoa, Italy

WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? Worship sign, photography, writing, teaching, and loving on folks. At least I like to the think I am good at the last one.

Now, That's the Ticket!

2006-09-29T13:10:00.000-05:00

For my husband's birthday last year, I asked the Lord for something creative to give him as a gift. The only thing that kept coming to mind was NASCAR. Rob grew up in NASCAR country and has always loved the sport. In fact, he had the honor of meeting The King himself once, and he recalls Richard Petty as being very kind to an awestruck boy. About 10 years ago, the Texas Motorspeedway opened within driving distance of here, and Rob has been drooling ever since. It seemed like the perfect gift except....

1. Have you seen the price of those tickets?!!!!!
2. Rob wouldn't want to go alone.

I kept praying. I continued to get "NASCAR tickets". Surely I had misheard. Surely God did not want me to spend money so frivolously. More prayer. More "NASCAR tickets". Finally, I relented. Fine. I would buy Rob a ticket. "Two tickets," I heard in my heart. TWO?!!!! "Yes, two." I took a deep breath and agreed.

I was curious, though. None of Rob's friends were into NASCAR, and I didn't want to go.

Who was Rob going to take?

"His dad."

Come again.

"His dad."

You want us to ask his dad to buy a plane ticket down here to go to a car race?

"No, I want you to buy the ticket."

I was convinced I had lost my mind, or at least, I wanted to be convinced, but the thing was, it was the perfect gift. One thing Rob has talked about for the last nearly-20 years is races with his dad. It's one of his favorite memories, and his dad would love it, too. It was the perfect gift. God knew His boys, and this was the perfect gift. I started making arrangements.

As I was working out how to work these rather large costs into our budget, God spoke again. "I want you to send Bob to Louisiana to see the other boys." What? "Bob needs to see the other boys, too. I want you to buy him a round trip ticket from DFW to New Orleans to see the other boys." Seriously? "Yes." Okay.

On Rob's birthday I gave him the tentative offer of tickets and the offer to fly his dad down to spend the weekend and go to the race, and I explained everything. I say "tentative" because I had not been able to reach Bob to see if he could come. However, the offer was there. Rob was flaggergasted. "Stunned" doesn't cover it. He was dumbstruck. While we were talking, the phone rang. It was his dad.

Rob explained the gift and explained the offer for plane tickets. Bob was flabbergasted. Yes, God knows His boys, and He knew more than I did about giving good gifts. I thought I had the plan. I had a part.

Six weeks later, Katrina hit, and Rob's family in Lousiana was picking up the pieces. Still, Bob was going south from here, but we would not be able to join him as we had planned.

Six weeks after that, we were preparing for Bob's trip when the phone call came that Rob's grandmother had taken a turn for the worse. On Tuesday before Bob was to fly in on Friday the phone call came that Dee Dee had passed on. On Friday, Rob and his two brothers flew north and met at an airport to drive to Dee Dee's to be with their family as they celebrated the life and mourned the loss of our precious Dee Dee. The day of the race, in fact, the exact time it started, so did Dee Dee's funeral.

As I prayed for our family's safety as they travelled and their comfort in their loss, I also prayed for answers. Had I missed it? God does not mess up, and we had been out hundreds of dollars on the race tickets alone. Did I make a mistake?

While I cannot explain everything that happened as a result of the planned trip, I can tell you that the Lord used it for healing. The Lord restored broken relationships, and I would trade hundreds of dollars for that.

Then there were the race tickets that were useless to us. Rob tried to sell them on eBay, but it didn't work, so I sent out an email saying we had these tickets, did anyone know anyone who might want them? If so, make an offer. Lo and behold, an offer was made. They couldn't cover the whole cost of a ticket, but would we sell one for a price they could afford? I was thrilled. The tickets wouldn't go to waste! I called Rob. "Give them both tickets and tell them to have fun." So I did. They said they could only afford that price for one ticket. Well, the other ticket would be useless to us anyway, so they might as well take it. They were blessed by God's provision. We were blessed to have someone take the tickets, and we moved on.

Rob's dad did visit this summer, and it was a good visit. The topic of the race tickets came up, and we told him that we had sold them. He said, "Well, I hope you got what they were worth." I laughed. Monetarily? No. In a dozen other way? The returns exceeded all expectations.

This year for Rob's birthday, I did not buy him NASCAR race tickets. We have talked about the race, and I've said, "Who knows? Maybe God will give you tickets to this year's race, and you never know. They might be better than the ones you had." (Whether that is prophetic or just knowing God's character, I don't know, but I love when God says, "You don't know the half of it, baby," and blows us away.)

This morning Rob sent me an IM. "Would you want to go to a race with me?"

I responded, "Do you have tickets?"

He replied, "Two front stretch tickets."

"Those are better tickets than the ones you had, aren't they?"

"These are the tickets I wanted." Then he told me what else he got: two pit passes, t-shirts, caps, a catered lunch, and a car to take us to the race and to pick us up after the race. I think there is more, but I don't remember.

To say the least, monetarily, what Rob received free today is worth far more than I spent last year. Relationally, what God gave us last year was priceless.

I won't tell you I understand any better right now than I did last year, but what I can tell you is I am forever in awe of God, and again, I am reminded that when I think I have the plan, I only have a part. God does not need us to work things out for Him. He only needs us to be obedient to Him so He can do what He needs to do in us and through us.

Praying God looks at our responses to His "absurd" directions and can say, "Yep, that's the ticket"......

Blessings

2006-09-29T08:28:00.000-05:00

Over a decade ago, I read a book about this man named Jabez and this prayer he prayed. Since then, other books have been written, classes have been held, and countless sermons have been taught. I don't remember much about the other books or the sermons, and I never went to a class. However, that first book imprinted something very simple on me that has stuck with me these ten plus years.

The author of that book, whose name and title escape me, boiled the prayer of Jabez down to three simple points. Throughout the years when I have not known what to pray or simply felt that I needed "something" but did not know what, I have reverted to those three simple aspects of that prayer. For reasons only the Lord knows, they come to me this morning, and I pass them on to you.

The three parts of Jabez' prayer are simply:

1. Bless me with Your presence.
2. Bless me with increase.
3. Make me a blessing to others.

Often we forget the first and third parts, but that, in my experience, is where the joy is. The wonder and joy is in the Lord's presence and in giving to others.

Praying you find great blessings today.....